Philip Beard > Quotes

“But love is this really powerful thing that everyone's got if they'd just learn how to accept it. I mean, come on. If it's something we all have to give, and if it's something we all want, doesn't that mean there's exactly enough to go around?”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Remember how I said nothing changes everything? I think I was wrong about that. I'm starting to think that maybe everything changes everything. That we never know what's going to happen next and we're not even supposed to. Maybe 'Z' is the shape of everyone's life. You're going along in what feels like a straight line, headed for one horizon, the only one as far as you know, and then something happens, maybe something good, maybe something terrible, or maybe just something like seeing a guy picking out a cantelope at the store, something that feels like nothing, and all of a sudden you're headed at another horizon altogether. Good things can happen that you did nothing to deserve. Bad things can happen that aren't anyone's fault. And it's sad how, if you let yourself, it's so much easier to think about what you've lost instead of what you have left. I'm not saying everything's okay, because it's not. We will never, ever be the same without you. We have our good days and bad days as a family, and you will always be the invisible center of both. But love is this really powerful thing that everyone's got if they'd just learn how to accept it. I mean, come on. If it's something we all have to give, and it's something we all want, doesn't that mean there's exactly enough to go around?”
― Philip Beard

“People who fall in love can fall out of it.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“That on any day you could pick there are thousands and thousands of little deaths, tiny tragedies, and that all of them matter.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“And like all the people who lost no one, the tourists, who go to New York to cry over the rubble. I want to tell them to go home and hold their children or their lovers or their parents. I want to tell them that they are using that place as an excuse to be sad and afraid when there will be reason enough for that in their own lives if they just wait.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“That's the kind of face you had - the kind that directed the world and made it beautiful.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Little crimes like mine didn't matter anymore. Little deaths like yours didn't make a sound.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“I can see the driver as if I'm looking at him through binoculars, bending to adjust the volume on his radio, eyes wide at what he hears, which I can't understand because when he hits you there is only silence. My feet, pounding through the grass, make no sound. I know that my mouth is open, that air is rushing across my stretched vocal chords, but I hear nothing. You lift into the air and the car is past before you land silently at my feet, as if something as small as you couldn't possibly make a sound in a world where buildings can come down.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Hurry up!” everyone in the room seemed to shriek at the same time. It didn’t matter to us that all over Pittsburgh, in every house and in every bar, thousands of others were undoubtedly carrying out their own rituals, performing their own superstitions. Hats were turned backward and inside out, incantations spoken and sung, talismans rubbed and chewed and prayed to. People who had the bad fortune of arriving at their gathering shortly before the Orioles’ first run were treated like kryptonite and banished willingly to the silence of media-less dining rooms and bathrooms, forced to follow the game through the reactions of their friends and family. And every one of those people believed what we believed: that ours was the only one that mattered, the only one that worked. Ruthie fumbled through the pages. Johnson fouled one off. “Got it!” Ruthie called. She stood and held Dock Ellis’s picture high over her head, Shangelesa’s scribbled hearts like hundreds of clear bubbles through which her father could watch the fate of his teammates. “He’s no batter, he’s no batter!” Ruthie sang. Johnson grounded the next pitch to shortstop Jackie Hernandez, who threw to Bob Robertson at first, and the threat was over. We yelled until we were hoarse. We were raucous and ridiculous and unashamed, and I have no better childhood memory than the rest of that afternoon. Blass came back out for the ninth, heroically shrugging off his wobbly eighth and, with Ruthie still standing behind us, holding the program shakily aloft for the entirety of the inning, he induced a weak grounder from Boog Powell, an infield pop-up from Frank Robinson, and a Series-ending grounder to short from Rettenmund. For the second inning in a row, Hernandez threw to Robertson for the final out, and all of us (or those who were able) jumped from our seats just as Blass leaped into Robertson’s arms, straddling his teammate’s chest like a frightened acrobat. Any other year, Blass would have been named the Most Valuable Player, and his performance remains one of the most dominant by a pitcher in Series history: eighteen innings, two earned runs, thirteen strikeouts, just four walks, and two complete game victories. But this Series belonged to Clemente. To put what he did in perspective, no Oriole player had more than seven hits. Clemente had twelve, including two doubles, a triple and two homeruns. He was relentless and graceful and indomitable. He had, in fact, made everyone else look like minor leaguers. The rush”
― Philip Beard, Swing

“Ti sentì meglio?"
Meglio? Quello che volevo chiederle, quello che le avrei chiesto se avessi pensato che lei potesse darmi una risposta utile era "Perché la perdita di qualcuno che ami non dovrebbe distruggerti?”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“sort of like what Mom says marriage is like. She says it’s like a job where you know the end product is worthwhile but sometimes you hate getting up early for it every day.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Era completamente diverso con te ed Em, vi teneva sempre in braccio, parlava con voi come foste adulte. Non vado matta per queste cose e gli voglio bene tuttora, ma quando mi abbraccia è diverso da quando lo fa papà. Il mio vero papà è un disastro, ma ogni suo abbraccio mi fa sentire come se non volesse mai lasciarmi andare. Con David sembra sempre che stia domandandosi quando è il momento di lasciarmi andare.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Voglio dire loro di andarsene a casa e abbracciare i loro bambini, o i loro innamorati, o i loro genitori. Devono sapere che stanno usando quel luogo come una scusa per essere tristi e impauriti, senza rendersi conto che nella loro vita non mancheranno le ragioni per esserlo: basta solo aspettare”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“I never resented you. What I resented was Mom not choosing to spend any of her free time with me. I only wanted to be left alone until I was, if that makes any sense.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Jimmy improvvisamente sembrò rovente dentro di me, e bruciava via tutto fin su nel mio petto e in gola e io resistetti finché potei, non più per lui ma per me, perché pensavo che se fossi rimasta in silenzio, lasciando che continuasse soltanto a respirare, che continuasse a spingere il suo fuoco dentro di me, Jimmy Freeze sarebbe stato in grado di bruciarmi annullandomi”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Credo che il motivo per cui gli adulti pensavo che una terapia regolare funzioni è perché, mentre la fanno, il tempo passa. Non stanno meglio perché ne parlano. Stanno meglio perché il tempo trascorre e loro imparano a vivere le loro vite perché devono farlo. Dobbiamo farlo”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“I think the reason grown-ups think regular therapy works is because time passes while they’re in it. They’re not really getting better because they’re talking about it. They’re getting better because time is passing and they’re learning to live their lives again because they have to. We have to.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Per combattere realmente il silenzio della tua morte, devo raccontare la tua storia, non la mia”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“I'm not sure what good talking about stuff with a stranger week after week does for anyone. I guess therapy might be okay for people who don't really know why they're sad or angry or whatever. I'm a simple case. You're gone and I will never be the same. Never. I can talk, I can "share" until there's nothing secret left but you'll still be dead and I'll still be sad.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“You weren't old enough to appreciate it, but seeing my two dads talking to each other is one of the funniest things ever. You'd think they'd hate each other but it's more like they're in some kind of contest to see who can climb the farthest up the other one's ass.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“La mamma, David e io ci sentivamo come incollati insieme finché non ci fu Em. Lei condivideva il sangue di tutti noi e ci rese una vera famiglia. Lei chiuse una specie di cerchio e quando arrivasti tu, ti ci ponesti proprio nel mezzo. Adesso è diverso. Adesso sembra che noi siamo semplicemente il cerchio senza niente in mezzo.”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“Tess, ti amo. Apri gli occhi"
"Cosa?"
"Apri gli occhi"
"No. L'altra cosa"
"Ti amo"
"Davvero?"
"Già"
"Come lo sai?"
"Non lo so. È così e basta"
"Anch'io"
"Davvero?"
"Davvero"
Aprii gli occhi e non guardai giù ma dritto verso Jimmy Freeze”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe

“E io mi aprii a lui piangendo perché, anche se non meritavo di provare così tanto, lui mi meritava, e vedevo dal suo volto che lui era nel luogo dove prima ero stata io e cercai, cercai davvero, di tornarci con lui”
― Philip Beard, Dear Zoe