Margaret Lashley > Quotes

“Florida’s longtime moniker, “The Sunshine State” is soon to be replaced with “The W-T-F State.”
― Margaret Lashley, Moth Busters

“Would you change your shoes for dinner? Or if you don’t have any, go barefoot?” I crinkled my nose. “Why?” “Call me a softie, but I hate to see you dragging around in a dead man’s past.”
― Margaret Lashley, Moth Busters

“I’m talking about our imperfections. Our quirks. They’re what make us real. They make us who we are. They’re like...the best part of us, Val. Without them, we’d be like...I dunno. Like generic zombies. Everybody the same.”
― Margaret Lashley, Glad One: Crazy is a Relative Term

“Florida: Never Wear Pants Again!” “Florida: Stupors. They’re not Just for Breakfast Anymore!” “Florida: Sure, You Can Pay for that with a Live Alligator!” And my personal favorite, “Florida: Really, God? Really?”
― Margaret Lashley, Moth Busters

“Part of me wanted to go to my room and get into my luggage. Part of me wanted to go to his room and get into his pants.”
― Margaret Lashley, Absolute Zero: Misadventures From A Broad

“hoarding is a sign of psychological trauma. It can stem from a big loss...or a guilty conscience”
― Margaret Lashley, Val Fremden Mysteries: Glad One, Two Crazy, Three Dumb

“Grayson, what do you think Bertie’s secret is?” I asked, ignoring Earl. “Well, it isn’t bathing in the blood of virgins,” he replied. “Elizabeth Bathory proved that ineffective back in the 16th century.”
― Margaret Lashley, Oral Robbers

“we only exist in the tiny moment of time allotted to us by our parents. And by that, I mean Mother Nature and Father Time. While we’re here, we need to make the most of it.”
― Margaret Lashley, Almost a Clean Getaway

“Your habitat isn't under threat by Cuban invaders."
"It is if you count Miami.”
― Margaret Lashley, Dr. Prepper

“With no cryptid-related crises to guide us, we'd spent the last couple of months rambling the rural backroads, exploring some of the Sunshine State's lesser-known natural wonders.
Some of them weren't even taco stands.”
― Margaret Lashley, Weevil Spirits

“Hold up!" Earl slammed on the brakes. "Mr. G, is this a genu-wine Skunk Ape boobie?”
― Margaret Lashley, Ape Shift

“Everybody’s got to eat to live,” she said. “And whatever you eat—animal or vegetable—has to give up its life energy for your survival.”
― Margaret Lashley, Almost a Clean Getaway

“Much too large to fall within the normal range of Alligator mississippiensis. Which, for adult males, can be up to fifteen feet in length.”
― Margaret Lashley, Half Crocked

“A lizard was using one of the coffees as a heated swimming pool.
Correction. A lizard was using Grayson's coffee as a heated swimming pool.”
― Margaret Lashley, Oral Robbers

“Just remember, relationships don’t come with lifetime guarantees. You just have to enjoy the moments as they come. Accept what is. Be responsible for your own happiness. That way you always know where you stand.”
― Margaret Lashley, Glad One: Crazy is a Relative Term

“There ain’t no magic hocus pocus to it, kiddo. You just gotta remember that you decide how you feel about whatever’s happenin’ around you. You’re in complete control a your feelin’s. Don’t let nobody take your power, child.”
― Margaret Lashley, Glad One: Crazy is a Relative Term

“My face went slack. "Skunk Ape calls? You've got to be kidding. Grayson, the only thing you'd lure in with that screech is a hernia surgeon! Cut it out!”
― Margaret Lashley, Ape Shift

“This is Florida, Grayson. Nothing has to follow the normal rules of logic here.”
― Margaret Lashley, Weevil Spirits

“Even the cows looked half ashamed to be seen in the straw-colored fields.”
― Margaret Lashley, Ape Shift

“As Grayson closed the front door behind us, I glanced in the direction of the voice. It had emanated from a scrawny, fifty-something guy sporting a camo ball cap. A scraggly gray beard cascaded from under the guy's red nose to midway down his flannel-clad chest like a hank of soggy Spanish moss.
I elbowed Grayson. "You didn't tell me this is where they filmed Duck Dynasty.”
― Margaret Lashley, Weevil Spirits

“Redneck foreplay?” Tom said. “You’ve got my attention. What’s that?” I sidled up to Tom and poked him hard on the bicep with my index finger. “Hey. You awake?” Tom stared at me for a second. “That’s it?” “Exactly.”
― Margaret Lashley, Glad One: Crazy is a Relative Term

“Actions speak louder than words,” Clarice sneered. “That’s just an old saying.” “If it weren’t true, it wouldn’t have had time to grow old,” said Berta.”
― Margaret Lashley, Absolute Zero: Misadventures From A Broad

“Natural selection favors adaptation. If the Alligator as a species is to survive the rise of Homo sapiens, perhaps size does matter in determining who will ultimately win the struggle to become the next apex predator.”
― Margaret Lashley, Half Crocked

“The man appeared to have just survived an attack by giant moths. His T-shirt was peppered with gaping holes which offered innocent bystanders glimpses of his doughy side-rolls and curly armpit hair. A long, gray beard hung down from his face and spilled onto his impressive beer gut. His neck and arms bore enough tattoos to qualify him as a human sandwich board.
If God really knew what women wanted, that guy wouldn't exist.
I nodded my head in the man's direction. "We're in Florida, Grayson. When you ask whether I've seen something weird, you're gonna have to be more specific.”
― Margaret Lashley, Dr. Prepper

“Longing to return to a fairytale that never really existed is, I guess, the ultimate irony of family.”
― Margaret Lashley, Glad One: Crazy is a Relative Term

“It had been a crazy ride—akin to costarring in a low-budget remake of The X-Files. In redneck Florida. In a rundown RV.”
― Margaret Lashley, Oral Robbers

“Jeannie’s Blue Crab Café”
― Margaret Lashley, Ape Shift

“Spirulina’s part of our alternative renewable foods program. ARF, for short.” I glanced around at the slimy aquariums. The thought of that gunk in my mouth made me want to ARF, all right.”
― Margaret Lashley, Dr. Prepper

“Grayson shrugged. "I'm known in certain circles."
"Really? What kind? Crop circles?"
"Among others.”
― Margaret Lashley, Dr. Prepper

“blanched. He was gone. “Where’d he go?” I took another step. Earl caught me by the arm and spun me around. “Stop it, Bobbie.” “Let go of me!” I tugged against my cousin’s bear-claw grip. “We’ve got to go after him!”
― Margaret Lashley, Moth Busters