Catarine Hancock > Quotes

“10 facts about abusive relationships (what i wish i'd known)

1. it's not always loud. it's not always obvious. the poison doesn't always hit you like a gunshot. sometimes, it seeps in quietly, slowly. sometimes, you don't even know it was ever there until months after.
2. love is not draining. love is not tiring. this is not how it is supposed to be.
3. apologies are like band-aids, when what you really need is stitches– they don't actually fix anything long-term. soon enough, you'll be bleeding again, but they will never give you what you really need.
4. this is not your fault. you did not turn them into this. this is how they are, how they've always been. you can't blame yourself.
5. there will be less good days than bad days but the good days will be so amazing that it will feel like everything is better than it actually is. your mind is playing tricks on itself and your heart is trying to convince itself that it made the right choice.
6. they do not love you. they can not love you. this is not love.
7. you're not wrong for wanting to run, so do it. listen to what your gut is telling you.
8. you will let them come back again and again before you realize that they only change long enough for you to let them in one more time.
9. it's okay to be selfish and leave. there is never any crime in putting yourself first. when they tell you otherwise, don't believe them. don't let them tear you down. they want to knock you off your feet so that they can keep you on the ground.
10. after, you will look back on this regretting all the chances given, all the time wasted. you will think about what you know now, and what you would do differently if given the chance. part of you will say that you would never have even given them the time of the day, but another part of you, the larger one, will say that even after everything, you wouldn't have changed a thing. and as much as it will bother you, eventually, you will realize that that is the part that is right. because as much as it hurts, as much as you wish you'd never felt that pain, it has taught you something. it has helped you grow. they brought you something that you would have never gotten from somebody else. at the end of the day, you will accept that even now, you wouldn't go about it differently at all.”
― Catarine Hancock, how the words come

“i cried because i was
full of dead stars and broken debris,
but you still called me
beautiful.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“we looked at each other like
we were the sun and the moon
locked in a gravitational war,
bound to cross and bound to
break apart.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“but you looked at me like
i was your whole universe.
i cried because i was
full of dead stars and broken debris,
but you still called me
beautiful.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“we ended like a supernova,
in an explosion that was slow and fast
at the same time.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“i didn't bleed
just so you could say
my blood isn't
red enough
for you”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“if you love somebody, tell them. if you think somebody may need a friend, be that friend. you don't want to be stuck in the aftermath of a tragedy, thinking, "oh, if only i'd said this. if only i'd done this.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“you have to learn how to breathe with pieces of your heart piercing your lungs. trust somebody you shouldn't, make a bad decision. but always learn from your mistakes. too many wrong moves will kill you.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“you will never understand
what you did
and for that,
i am sorry.

but it is no longer
my job
to tell you.”
― Catarine Hancock, how the words come

“11. there will be days where you look in the mirror and want to remold your body like clay, days where you may not even want to get out of bed. on those days, it's okay to cry, to want to be different. but the next morning, remind yourself; you will be okay, you will be okay, you will be okay.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“people say it's possible
to die from a broken heart.
before you,
i didn't believe it.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“you were the flaming meteor
about to send me in smoke
but i kissed you anyways.

there's a burning crater on my lips
from your touch and
i think i may always be in love
with you.

we looked at each other like
we were the sun and the moon
and we knew we'd only eclipse for so long.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“i had only wanted
you to love me right.

i just wish
you had figured out
how.”
― Catarine Hancock, how the words come

“i can learn not to need you,
for what is a bigger waste of time
than holding the hand of someone
who is a ghost of the love they used
to give you?”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“i think i saw you in my dreams, my dear,
and i learned a thing or two,
i have a soulmate, he's there somewhere,
but that soulmate isn't you.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“the older you get and the more secure you are in your
marriage you forget what it felt like when the person you love more than
anything leaves you and you have to teach yourself how to breathe and
blink and eat again.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“You were the flaming meteor
about to send me up in smoke
but I kissed you anyways”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“something inside me will say no. not this time. you've come so far. don't step backwards now.

you will be a mere yard away from me when i shake my head. you will freeze mid-step, and your eyes will go wide with surprise and confusion.

"no". the world will stumble from my mouth as if it was an accident. but i will prove that it isn't by turning away from you.

you will say, "wait, can't you just talk to me?"

there will be a plea in your voice that will make me stop for a moment. it will almost make me turn back to you. it will wrap a fist around my heart and squeeze.

but despite the pain, despite the pull i will always feel to you, i will look over my shoulder, and i will meet your gaze with mine one last time. and i will make sure you can feel that fire in me, burning. i will make sure you know that no matter how cold you made me, you never managed to put that fire out.

"no", i will say. "but it was good to see you".”
― Catarine Hancock, how the words come

“find someone who breathes fire into you.
who leaves embers simmering in your rib cage.
who traces sparks down your spine.
find someone who matches your flame with one just as powerful.”
― Catarine Hancock, Shades of Lovers: Poems

“I think I saw you in my dreams, my dear
and I learned a thing or two,
I have a soul mate, he's there somewhere
but that soul mate isn't you”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“when you speak about feminism
they like to hit you with things
i call 'what about's–
what about women in the middle east
what about women in third world countries
what about focusing on them and not the problems here

and this all sounds good in theory
yes
we need to help them
yes
we need to help young girls
trapped in child marriages
yes
we need to help women
marred by acid attacks
yes
we need to help victims
of human trafficking
yes
we need to help women
who wil be imprisioned
beaten
killed
for speaking out about their sexual assault
for getting an abortion
for leaving an abusive husband

yes
we need to help them
of couse we do
it is our job as decent humans
to help them

but we can help them
and help ourselves at the same time

we can help young girls
in child marriages

and we can fight to end
the objectification of young girls
here

we can help women
marred by acid attacks

and we can work harder
to arrest abusers and assailants
here

we can help victims
of human trafficking

and we can stop stigma and violence
against sex workers
here

we can help women
who will be
imprisioned for speaking out about their sexual assault
beaten for getting an abortion
killed for leaving an abusive husband

and we can also help women
who will be
imprisioned for killing their pimp and captor
beaten for refusing to have sex
killed for rejecting a man
here

women are still getting hurt
here

there is still not total equality
here

they say
what about this
what about that
what about them

i say
well
what about
here

they say nothing

because that they mean
when they say
what about the middle east
what about the third world countries
what about them

is

what about sitting down
what about shutting up
what about not saying anything
at all”
― Catarine Hancock, how the words come

“the problem with being in love when you're 13 is that you have no clue how to love somebody without placing your entire self-worth on them.
if they love you,
you love you.
if they leave, your self-esteem goes with with them.”
― Catarine Hancock, Shades of Lovers: Poems

“we blast taylor swift and harry styles and read smutty romance novels, and it’s like we are finding ourselves all over again, because in many ways, we are.”
― Catarine Hancock, I Gave Myself The World

“your match is out there somewhere.
it may just be waiting to be ignited.”
― Catarine Hancock, Shades of Lovers: Poems

“i can’t tell you exactly when i started to love myself, but one day i woke up and thought, you know, i really do deserve everything, and since then, that’s just how i’ve lived.”
― Catarine Hancock, I Gave Myself The World

“you see that’s the problem you still think it’s some cute romance story you’re not going to save me that isn’t how this works you’re too wrapped up in yourself and how it affects you always about you isn’t it”
― Catarine Hancock, Shades of Lovers: Poems

“the problem with being in love when you’re 13 is that you have no clue how to love somebody without placing your entire self-worth on them. if they love you, you love you. if they leave, your self-esteem goes with them.”
― Catarine Hancock, Shades of Lovers: Poems

“you see, from the very beginning i wanted to engrave myself into you, i wanted to embed my signature with melted gold and red lipstick, i wanted it to look pretty, but we were over so fast i had to scratch it into your chest with my hands.”
― Catarine Hancock, The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World

“i find hope
in the smallest of things:

in cracked sidewalks
and parted branches.

the bubbles in latte foam
and the lace of a dress.

i search for it
in between the cracks
and the pits,
and the breaks,
always.

that is where
it is often hiding,
not usually found.”
― Catarine Hancock