Susan Donovan > Quotes

“She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who recommended never eating anything bigger than your head.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk biscuit and inhale him in one gulp?”

“Why, yes, I have,” Doris said.

That was a shocker. “Really? What happened?”

“I married him.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rub
warm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my throat and chest and my legs and arms. I
want—”
Theo pushed the chair back on the deck and it made a loud scraping sound. He grabbed Lucy’s face
and kissed her hard, then rose up and placed her on her feet, taking her hand.
“Where are we going, Theo?”
“Shh.” He stroked her hair as he led her inside. “The name’s Raoul.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“I wanted to be strong when I went back to Persuasion. Strong and beautiful and totally together. I dreamed of the day I’d get to rub all your faces in my sheer awesomeness.”
― Susan Donovan, The Girl Most Likely To...

“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled,
ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“That’s
the kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn.
That dress isn’t right for you at all. In fact, I think you should take it off right now.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the real important information came to the forefront: LoriSue, God bless her slutty little soul, had been absolutely correct. He was male-stripper material, and he’d been thoughtful enough to strip to a pair of athletic shorts on his very first night in the neighborhood.”
― Susan Donovan, Public Displays of Affection

“Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire world. Unless, of course, Hairy had been out here in his maxi pad. Thomas sighed. Walking around the house with that thing tied around his waist, Hairy had looked like a—well, he'd looked like an ugly dog in a Kotex. Thomas had laughed his ass off at first, but soon discovered the crazy scheme had saved him about three cleanup jobs in one evening alone.”
― Susan Donovan, Take a Chance on Me

“Affirmation for Today: I am strong enough to refrain from killing any or all members of my family.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“As her lungs pumped and her head cleared, she wondered if all the effort she’d put into blotting out the pain had deadened her ability to feel pleasure, too. What a shame. What a loss.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“He realized that the woman at his side - the one with the sweaty red face and the sweet smile - had pried open his heart, one day at a time.”
― Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

“The good news is, you’re less of an ass nowadays.”
Duncan put his head back and laughed. Hard. It took him a moment to stop laughing. “That was the nicest backhanded compliment anyone has paid me in a very long time.”
She shrugged. “I only said it because it’s true.”
“I like you, Lena.”
She sat upright, placed her glass on a side table, and put her cute bare feet back on the porch floor. She blinked at him. “I like you, too, Duncan.”
“You’re an intriguing woman.”
“You’re a complicated man.”
That little voice in his head was now a screaming banshee. Over and over it yelled for his attention. Like a warning, like a mantra . . . Don’t do it. Don’t say it. Don’t go there. Duncan ignored the warning and told the banshee that he had the situation on lock.”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“… Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. —Buckaroo Banzai”
― Susan Donovan, I Want Candy: A Novel

“He wanted to open her up like a new WalMart.”
― Susan Donovan, Take a Chance on Me

“Out of nowhere, her body began to buzz with awareness. Lena looked up. And spotted him.
Duncan towered above most everyone else on Main Street. He walked at a steady pace, with a strong stride. He was about half a block from the water and headed right toward her.
Lena slipped under the awning of Frankie’s Fish-n-Chips, pulled a bistro chair into the shade, and sat with her back against the restaurant’s cedar-shingled wall. Her heart was beating like crazy! What was she—eleven years old? She took a deep breath and told herself to calm down and blend in with the dozen or so tourists dining al fresco. She slumped in the chair and covered the lower part of her face with her shopping bag.
A mother of two glared at Lena, moving her chair to act as a buffer between Lena and her offspring. Good grief! Since when did a woman with a tote full of eggplant look like a threat?”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“I'm serious—I’m whacked. Running around my entire adult life claiming to be in love with a stranger. If I had a friend like me, I would take her to the nearest hospital and make sure they strapped her down. Why haven't you ever done that?”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“And he did it. Dammit, he couldn't stop himself. His eyes traveled up to the bronze sea hag, the source of hundreds of years of ridiculousness.”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“Mona's eyes sparkled. Her grin became so open and joyous that she looked like a little girl. "Do you remember what I always used to tell you?"
Duncan squeezed his eyes shut. He shook his head as if he could will the conversation in another direction—any other direction. He'd rather talk about fucking sea spray. "Please, Ma. Don't start—"
"Maybe it's the Great Mermaid, leading you to your one true love!”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“In fact, Duncan wouldn't be the least bit surprised to hear his brother say something like, "Hand over the bimbo before someone gets hurt.”
― Susan Donovan, Moondance Beach

“I’m pretty sure the past is only good for one thing and that’s getting a person where they are at the present.”
― Susan Donovan, I Want Candy