Michelle Elman > Quotes

“Understand that even if you hate your body, your body loves you. Your body fought for you to keep you alive and breathing every single day, so please stop fighting your body. You are on the same team.”
― Michelle Elman, Am I Ugly?

“The key is not to change your needs but instead to find someone who is capable of fulfilling them. Lower”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“When you stop striving to be seen as a good wife, friend, employee, mother or daughter, it gives you permission to realize that you are a good person not because of what you can give or provide, but because of who you are. Part of boundary setting is realizing your worth is intrinsic. We need to let go of the societal messages we have”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“The right person respects your boundaries and will never make you feel like they are too much.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“What Is a Boundary? At their very core, boundaries are the way we teach others to treat us. They are how we communicate what is acceptable and what is not. They define where you end and another person begins. We need boundaries in order to protect ourselves from manipulation, gaslighting, disrespect and abuse.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“We have romanticized needing another human, when I believe the most romantic thing is not needing someone but wanting them around anyway.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

“This is why it’s imperative to have cemented in your mind that being single is better than being in a bad relationship. We all date shitty people. It says nothing about you if you attract someone who treats you badly, but the difference between a person with boundaries and one without is that the former gets rid of the shitty person faster. A person with boundaries knows that if the person in front of you cannot meet your needs and requirements, then another person exists who will. We need to lose this scarcity mindset that there is only one person who can fulfil our requirements.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“For women in particular, the first step is to believe that you deserve the right to set boundaries in the first place. Women are taught to be martyrs: to empty ourselves out in the service of others, forgetting about our own dreams, ambitions and desires and instead using our time and energy to fuel the people around us.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“As a female, anger was never an appropriate emotion, and I was taught to feel guilt around that anger. Guilt was digestible, more feminine, easier to control and manage, after all.”
― Michelle Elman, Am I Ugly?

“1) Where do you feel appreciated in our relationship?  2) Where would you like to feel more appreciated?  3) Are there any boundaries we need to clarify?  4) What have you found challenging in our relationship in the last week/month/year?  5) Are you happy with the amount of time we spend with each other?  6) How do you feel about our sex life?  7) Do you have any concerns about our finances and how we divide costs?  8) What do I do that makes you feel loved?  9) How can I make you feel more loved over the next week/month/year? 10) Is there anything I have done or said that was hurtful since our last check-in? 11) Are there any new boundaries that we need to set? 12) Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? 13) What is something you are really enjoying about our relationship?”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“To ask, "Is my anger legitimate?" is similar to asking, "do I have the right to be thirsty?”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

“Your relationship served a purpose at the time and just because it no longer exists doesn’t mean it was a waste of time.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

“People who accept that being disliked is a part of life are more willing to prioritize themselves and that is why boundaries are a crucial part of self-love.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“selflessness” is not about being “good”, it’s about being liked. It is deriving”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“There are no right or wrong rules, but which are your rules? It’s your house, they are your boundaries, and you decide.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

“Intentional or not, I was being taught that my discomfort was unimportant and that the potential of upsetting another outweighed my own feelings.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

“We can demonize the people who take, or we can own our stuff and recognize that the problem is not that they take, but that we are unable to say no.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“self-esteem from your usefulness to – and approval by – others, and holding that above your own needs.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“a boundary is the reason why someone leaves you, that is not a person you want to be with.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“When you start loving yourself and setting boundaries, it tends to piss off the toxic people around you.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“When you set a boundary, the person can either step up and start behaving better because they know they will lose you, or they don’t – and that means they are willing to take that risk. Let them lose you.”
― Michelle Elman, The Selfish Romantic: How to date without feeling bad about yourself

“think one of the most loving things you can do for the people around you is to take care of yourself.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“If the majority of workaholics were honest with themselves, the workplace provides the feelings they crave of being needed, and it makes them feel important. The urgent requests aren’t actually as urgent as they perceive them to be in their brain, but instead they love how that busyness distracts them.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

“respect. If these companies were honest, the excuse of not having the budget for my work is simply down to lack of planning. If you can pay for the venue, the catering and the employees of your company, you can also pay for the speaker at your event.”
― Michelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why You Need Boundaries and How to Set Them