Susan M. Johnson > Quotes

“From the cradle to the grave, humans desire a certain someone who will look out for them, notice and value them, soothe their wounds, reassure them in life’s difficult places, and hold them in the dark.”
― Susan M. Johnson, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection

“secure attachment bond is the “primary defense against trauma induced psychopathology”
― Susan M. Johnson, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds

“theory and science are: 1. From the cradle to the grave, human beings are hardwired to seek not just social contact, but also physical and emotional proximity to special others who are deemed irreplaceable. The longing for a “felt sense” of connection to key others is primary in terms of the hierarchy of human goals and needs. Humans are most acutely aware of this innate need for connection at times of threat, risk, pain, or uncertainty. Threats that trigger the attachment system may be from the outside or the inside, for example, troubling construals of rejection by loved ones, negative images or concrete reminders of one’s own mortality (Mikulincer, Birnbaum, Woddis, & Nachmias, 2000; Mikulincer & Florian, 2000). In relationships, shared vulnerability builds bonds, precisely because it brings attachment needs for a felt sense of connection and comfort to the fore and encourages reaching for others. 2. Predictable physical and/or emotional connection with an attachment figure, often a parent, sibling, longtime close friend, mate, or spiritual figure, calms the nervous system and shapes a physical and mental sense of a safe haven where comfort and reassurance can be reliably obtained and emotional balance can be restored or enhanced.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families

“Emotional and physical isolation from attachment figures is inherently traumatizing for human beings, bringing with it a heightened sense, not simply of vulnerability and danger, but also of helplessness (Mikulincer, Shaver, & Pereg, 2003).”
― Susan M. Johnson, Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families

“In old Celtic stories, where life is dark and full of danger, poets and seers teach people how to face the darkness. They teach that life is about standing in a narrow passage, in the dark, with your back against the wall, facing a dragon. There is no escape. The only question, in these old stories, is how well you fight. This is a somber vision, but also one that celebrates the courage that the darkness calls forth.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds

“4. Attachment offers a secure base. Secure attachment also provides a secure base from which individuals can explore their universe and most adaptively respond to their environment. The presence of such a base encourages exploration and a cognitive openness to new information. It promotes the confidence necessary to risk, learn, and continually update models of self and the world.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds

“research suggests that rather than help couples resolve content issues, therapy should help couples develop soothing interactions and maintain emotional engagement during disagreements.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist: The Workbook

“EFT can be thought of as a postmodern therapy in that EFT therapists help clients deconstruct problems and responses by bringing marginalized aspects of reality into focus, probing for the not-yet spoken, and integrating elements of a couple’s reality that have gone un-storied.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist: The Workbook

“The first is affect regulation, specifically, the taming of fear and anger. The second is the creation of new meanings that allow the traumatic experience to be integrated into a positive and empowered sense of self. It is interesting, however, that even if the goals of therapy are framed in intrapsychic terms, clinicians generally agree that the “success of treatment depends on the patient’s ability to tolerate intimacy, in other words, the patient’s ability to trust another person with his or her helplessness and pain” (Turner, McFarlane, & van der Kolk, 1996). Success in helping the survivor recast his or her intrapsychic world depends on the creation of new interpersonal connections. This is necessary for the process of intrapsychic change and is also, although often left in the background, a major goal of therapy.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds

“It is probably more adaptive, at least in the short run, to believe that you are to blame and deserve cruel treatment, than that you are helpless and dependent on people who wish you harm.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds

“Emotionally focused couple therapy (EFT) is a short-term, systematic, and tested intervention to reduce distress in adult love relationships and create more secure attachment bonds.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist: The Workbook

“EFT has evolved in the last decade from a marginalized and little recognized approach into a mainstream model that is accepted by the American Psychological Association as empirically validated.”
― Susan M. Johnson, Becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist: The Workbook