Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard > Quotes

“I was going home more frequently and each time was a small victory. But there is something inherently wrong about visiting your own home. You should never have to do that: You should simply go home. And I had been away for so long that even as I went back more often, I couldn’t help feeling removed from things.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“I came to see that survival here was all about hope, the most important fuel to our brain-damaged engines. Without it, getting—or being taken—out of bed for another identical day of confusion and failure might have been futile, for both the patients and their relatives. If you woke up with the hope that today was the day you were going to pour yourself a cup of tea, or make a conscious decision to get to the breakfast room and eat cereal with your new friends, then you were on the road to some form of recovery, even if you were never going to be able to make yourself tea again or get yourself down to breakfast. But hope was also the heaviest burden and one that many patients couldn’t carry for themselves. My doctor told me that she often made a contract with her patients to carry it for them, to keep it alive.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“To that end, a tiny camera was inserted through my mouth into my throat, and a blue staining liquid was then poured in. I hated it. The nurses could see my distress and they tried to reassure me. “It’s nothing to fear,” said one. “I’ve tried it.” But what did she know? She was healthy. She had control of her bodily functions. She could pretend to try. But she was in no danger of choking. When the liquid hit my throat, I felt as though I was drowning.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“Lying awake, listening to the nocturnal sounds of machines and murmurings, I composed my list of physical desires: to feel the ground under my feet, to have the muscles in my legs flex, to feel the weight of the rest of my body, to put one foot in front of the other. I tried to block out the fact that I still couldn’t even place my feet on the floor, that they would not do the things I wanted them to. They just fell down, like two tiny sandbags tumbling out of a wheelbarrow. It was as if they had lost all connection to me.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“My favorite time with the staff was when they came in with no assigned task, only to hear how I was, or talk about normal, everyday stuff. Not my medication, not my fingers, not my diet. Just asking what I used to do, what I dreamt of doing, and commenting on things happening in the world. All my strength went into physical and occupational therapy. I didn’t have a drop of energy for the outside world, but I liked to hear about it nevertheless, a bit like playing on the kitchen floor when I was a child and my parents listened to the radio.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“I was utterly exhausted by the late afternoon when the kids and Peter visited. Eating was difficult, both physically and mentally. Chewing and swallowing was still uncomfortable. I didn’t want to eat with the other patients. I had no appetite and my fingers were disgusting. Or rather: I was afraid others would find my fingers disgusting and then not be able to eat. My fellow patients ate in the common room, but I stayed in my room during every meal.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“One out of four mechanically ventilated patients get hospital-acquired pneumonia and around ten per cent of them die.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: How I Died and Started Living

“I had to get used to being at the hospital for long periods on my own.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“You simply need to believe that you can walk. Never give up,” he said and then outlined the regime of exercise and physio he had undertaken, telling me that any progress, however small, was significant and could be built on. He beamed with confidence and was clearly trying to inspire a novice. I was inspired. I wasn’t going to give up. I would be walking.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“Later I learned it was seen as a badge of honor by some of the medical staff to be invisible, never to get involved, to let healthcare professionals be an anonymous, well-functioning curing machine.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“I’ve also bought you some new clothes. Track suits, some cool T-shirts, that sort of thing. I figured that’s what you need right now. Let’s get you out of these hospital rags and into something more suitable, your own stuff. It’s about time you stop being ill and start being yourself.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“How I’d longed for this moment. How many times I had imagined my home, room by room, the light, the warmth, the memories, the familiar scent of our house. All that is home.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again

“What does it take to swallow? It came as a complete surprise to me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not control anything going on in my throat.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: How I Died and Started Living

“We shared the existential fear in our bones, the sense that this is it, that life is or might soon be over.”
― Rikke Schmidt Kjærgaard, The Blink of an Eye: A Memoir of Dying - and Learning How to Live Again: A Memoir of Dying―and Learning How to Live Again