Rachel Reid > Quotes

“I have been with lots of women. That was not ... fake. But ... He looked at Shane, and Shane held his breath. I have only been in love with one person.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“…And I want to learn Russian. I wasn’t kidding about that.”

“I’ll teach you.”

Shane smiled so wide and bright, Ilya almost had to look away.

“I should let you sleep,” Shane said.

“Da. Yes. Okay.”

And then… Shane kissed the tips of two fingers and reached out and touched them to the screen. And Ilya’s heart fucking stopped.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“I give Hunter shit, but what he did was brave. Kissing his boyfriend on TV like that. And the speech at the awards.”
“It was. It really…made me hopeful. That things might be changing.”
Ilya shot the puck back to Shane. “It made me jealous,” he admitted.
Shane laughed. "You wanna kiss me on television?"
"Yes. After I win the Stanley cup."
Shane spread his arms out. "Oh, so in this scenario, you've just defeated me?"
"Yes. Sorry."
“I’m not going to be in the mood to kiss you if I’ve just lost the Stanley Cup, Rozanov.”
“But you would be so proud of me!”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“But,” Shane said. He had to say this next part. It had been eating away at him for too long. “You want to get married, right? To a woman, I mean. You’re not...like me. You like women. And I’m sure...Svetlana is gorgeous and fun and...all that stuff. Right?”
“Yes,” Ilya said. “I do. She is. But.”
“But?”
Ilya shrugged, and he looked like he was possibly blushing. “I have this problem,” he mumbled.
Shane waited.
“I like women. I always was thinking that to get married would be nice. Kids. All of that. Someday. But...this problem will not go away.”
Shane bit his lip. “Tell me about this problem.”
“Is so annoying.” Ilya sighed, and Shane could see him fighting a grin. “Always I am with beautiful women. Wonderful women. Everywhere.”
“Sounds rough.”
“Yes. Listen. These women, they are so sexy and fun, but is no matter. I cannot stop thinking about this short fucking hockey player with these stupid freckles and a weak backhand.”
“A weak backhand?” Shane couldn’t stop smiling.
“Yes. And he is just so boring and he drives a terrible car and...that is my problem. All of these beautiful women and I am always wishing they were him.”
Ilya bent to take his third shot. “Is terrible problem.”

Fuck. Shane was going start crying right here in his games room. He swallowed and steadied himself. “Do you want the problem to go away?”

“No,” Ilya said seriously, looking Shane dead in the eye. “I do not want the problem to ever go away.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“You are very beautiful,” Ilya said.
Shane smiled without opening his eyes. “Come on.”
“Is the truth. Your freckles.” Ilya grazed a fingertip over his own cheek. “I am nuts about them.”
“I have no idea why. I hate them.”
“Noooo...” Ilya moaned. “Hollander. They are stunning.”
“Stunning?”
“Yes. Am I not using that word right? Very beautiful. Um...take my breath?”
“Wow. Alright”
“I told you...” Ilya grinned. “You love praise.”
When Shane didn’t reply, Ilya said, “And you like to hog it all for yourself. You asshole.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Ilya couldn’t believe what he had been reduced to. He was...infatuated. It was disgusting.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“And...like I said. We’re an hour away from each other. All year.”
He wanted Ilya to see this vision as clearly as he could. It seemed tantalizingly possible. Easy, even.
“And you’d be in Canada. And you could apply for citizenship eventually.”
“Yes. I understand that part.”
“And maybe...someday. When we both retire. We can...be together. For real.”
Ilya looked stunned by that part. “You really think that far ahead, Hollander?”
“I do about this.”
“You want that? To be together?”
“I do. So much it terrifies me.”
Ilya turned his face away from Shane, and was silent. Cold dread flooded Shane’s stomach; he had admitted too much."
“But Ilya turned back and quickly rolled on top of Shane and was kissing him and kissing him and kept murmuring the same thing in Russian over and over again until he pulled back and translated:
“I love you.”
Shane froze. And then Ilya froze.
“Holy shit,” Shane whispered. It wasn’t how he had meant to respond.
“I...” Ilya’s eyes were so wide and so scared.
“I love you too,” Shane said.
Ilya gave a shaky smile and exhaled. “Thank Christ.”
“Does it...does it feel like agony for you too?”
Ilya started to nod, then stopped. He shook his head slowly instead.
“Not anymore.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“There was something a little creepy about sitting in this small pool of light in the middle of total darkness. It was so eerily quiet - just the crackling of the fire, the occasional lap of water from the lake, and -
A fucking wolf. That was a fucking wolf howl.
"What the fuck was that?" Ilya said. He couldn't conceal the terror in his voice. But who the fuck cared, because they were surrounded by hungry wolves!
Shane laughed. "It's a loon."
"A what?"
"A loon!" Shane was really laughing now. "It's a bird. Like a duck, kind of. Oh my god, you thought it was a wolf!"
"What the fuck bird makes a noise like that?"
"A loon!" Shane said again. Then he doubled over in hysterics. Ilya wanted to push him into the fire.
"Fuck you and your loon!" Ilya said. "Stupid Canadian wolf bird.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“I have ruined you," Rozanov said when
they broke apart. "No one else will do.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Ilya was wearing a Boston Bears shirt.
"That's not going to help."
"Oh, do they not know I play for Boston?”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Ilya opened Instagram and started typing a new private message to ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer.

Shane
You are the best thing in my life.
I love you. Always. Maybe from the first time I saw you.
I am thinking only about you right now. A million memories. Thank you for those.
Whatever happens, I am with you. Safe in your heart. I believe it.

He did. Ilya only had vague ideas of the afterlife and any gods who may be waiting there, but he believed his soul would stay with Shane, however it could. He believed the people you loved stayed with you until it was your time to go. He often felt his mother with him, and he knew he’d do the same for Shane.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“Do you think we looked like that to them?” “What, sexy? I probably did.” “No, like...in love?” Ilya seemed to consider the question before answering. “We are very good at pretending to not be in love. Maybe we are bad at showing it when we are allowed.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“When their eyes had locked, he'd squeezed Ilya's fingers, just a little.
That look, and that squeeze, had said so many things to Ilya.
I know.
We were supposed to stand alone at the top, but we will always be there together.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Kiss me, Ilya wanted to say. Kiss me and hold me in front of all these people. Pull me onstage and do it. I don’t care anymore. Please. I’m dying. “Nothing,” Ilya said, and stepped away. “Nothing.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“Um, and this is….Ilya. Rozanov. You probably know that.”
“Hi,” Ilya said.
“And he’s been…visiting. He’s…we’re, um…”
What were they, exactly? It occurred to Shane that he and Ilya hadn’t even figured out what label they were comfortable with.
“Lovers,” Ilya offered.
Fuck, way to choose the grossest possible word, Ilya.
Well, there was no going back from that word. Shane could only wait for the aftermath.
“But…you hate him,” Mom said.
“No, I…don’t. I mean. Sometimes I do, kinda. But mostly I..love him. Actually.”
“You..what?”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“What? I want to know about your family! All I know is your mother is Japanese or something. Probably where you get your looks."
"Half of them, yes."
"And your dad is... boring? Is that where you get your boring from?"
Shane shook his head, but he was smiling a bit. "My dad is not boring.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Shane seemed very excited about the burgers. He had followed a recipe online. Ilya took a sip of his beer. "Why the fuck are you making eight burgers?" he asked. "That's how many the recipe was for!"
"You can't do math? Cut it in half?"
"Leave me alone." Instead, Ilya stood directly behind Shane and draped an arm across his chest. He kissed him behind the ear. "No", he murmured.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Hollander was damn cute when he was embarrassed. "Did you buy a building so we would have somewhere to fuck, Hollander?"
[...]
Hollander had bought them a fucking building.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Ilya hadn’t realized how much fun it would be to confuse Hayden with compliments. He would have to do it more often.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“His mother looked at him sympathetically. “When the right one comes along, you’ll know,” she said.
And Shane chickened out. Because he couldn’t tell them that the right one had come along, and it was the pissed-off Russian man who was currently heading the penalty box on their television.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“I have been thinking...” Ilya said. He’d never said any of this out loud before. He maybe hadn’t even formed it altogether in his head before. “I am a free agent, after next season.”
He definitely had Shane’s full attention now. “You’d leave Boston?”
“I have just been thinking. Maybe...a Canadian team.”
“Holy shit, really?”
“Yes.”
“Like where?” Ilya could see the thoughts play out on Shane’s face like a movie: What if we played together in Montreal? No. Montreal couldn’t afford both of us.
“Not Montreal,” Ilya said gently.
“No. I know.”
But good god, now Ilya was imagining that. Playing together, living together, being together.
It was never going to happen.
But it was a nice thought.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Ilya nodded to the ring.
"Yes," Ilya said again. "I am saying yes, Hollander."
"Oh." Then Shane’s lips spread into a wide grin. "Yeah?" He scrambled to his feet and into Ilya’s arms.
They kissed, and Ilya said, "Yes." They kissed again, and Ilya said, "Of course."
They kissed some more, and Shane said, "I love you."
By the time they finished kissing they both had tears streaming down their cheeks. "Is this because I almost died?" Ilya teased.
"No. It’s because I almost died."
Ilya brushed the tears on Shane’s face with his thumb. What could he even say to that?”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“They had lots of reasons to keep their relationship a secret, but those reasons seemed extremely unimportant now. What if Ilya had died? What if he had fucking died?
Shane would have died too. Alone, and secretly, and for the rest of his life.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“You should quit hockey," Ilya murmured. "Send them a text. Say you quit. Stay here with me."
"I'm not ending my career via text."
"Email, then.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“Maybe he should ask Ilya for Shane Hollander’s number. Shane was a fucking babe.”
― Rachel Reid, Role Model

“In the car, Shane told his parents that he had been talking to Ilya Rozanov. “What’s he like?” his mother asked. “Kind of a dick,” Shane said.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“I could not say any of the things I wanted to say. I said you were a great hockey player. A nice guy. Very competitive. All of the shit that any of your teammates could have said.” Ilya sighed loudly, then continued in a quieter tone.
“When you watch it, this is what you will see. Me saying nothing. I wanted to say you were fucking everything to me. Everything, okay?”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“I love hockey, and I deserve to have the career I want for as long as I want it. I’ve earned that. But if I had to choose...I’d choose him.”
― Rachel Reid, The Long Game

“Ilya smiled to himself. He actually loved this. He loved being on the road, and disappointing home crowds across North America. He loved the insults, the booing, and, most of all, the sound of a crowd so gutted by his team's performance that they couldn't even bother to boo. A winded, humiliated crowd. That was Ilya's favorite sound.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry

“Unfortunately, the move also caused him to smash Ilya in the face with his ass.”
― Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry