Susan David > Quotes

“Courage is not the absence of fear but fear walking.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life”
― Susan David

“Our contract with life is a contract that is brokered with fragility, and with sadness, and with anxiety. And if we’re going to authentically and meaningfully be in this world, we cannot focus on one dimension of life and expect that focusing on that dimension is going to then give us a well-rounded life.”
― susan david, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Of course, determing what you truly care about is only half the process of walking your why. Once you've identified your values, you then have to take them out for a spin. This requires a certain amount of courage, but you can't aim to be fearless. Instead, you should aim to walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, toward what matters to you. Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“These micro-moments of intimacy or neglect create a culture in which the relationship either thrives or withers. The tiny behaviours feed back on themselves and compound with time, as every interaction builds on the previous interaction, no matter how seemingly trivial. Each person's moments of pettiness and anger, or generosity and lovingness, create a feedback loop that makes the overall relationship either more toxic or happier.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“People frequently die in fires or crash landings because they try to escape through the same door they used when they entered.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“And if something feels new, difficult, or even slightly incoherent, fear kicks in. And while fear comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes it appears in disguise (as procrastination, perfection, shutting down, unassertiveness, or excuses), it speaks only one word: no, as in "No, I'll just screw it up." "Nah, I wouldn't know anyone there." "Nope, that will look awful on me." "Nuh-uh, thanks; I'll sit this one out.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Emotions are data, they are not directives”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Here are a few questions to ask yourself in order to start identifying your values:

- Deep down, what matters to me?
- What relationships do I want to build?
- What do I want my life to be about?
- How do I feel most of the time? What kind of situations make me feel most vital?”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Choices,' the philosopher Ruth Chang said, 'are chances for us to celebrate what is special about the human condition.. that we have the power to create reasons for ourselves to become the distinctive people we are.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“In our relationships, creative lives, personal development, and work, we can promote this advancement in two ways-- expanding our breadth (what we do: the skills we acquire, the topics we talk about, the avenues we explore) and our depth (how well we do what we do: the quality of our listening, our level of engagement with the world).”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. It's a tyranny. It's a tyranny of positivity. And it's cruel. Unkind. And ineffective. And we do it to ourselves, and we do it to others.”
― Susan David, PhD

“Ми хочемо, щоб життя було якомога більш яскравим і менш болісним. А життя має свій спосіб принизити нас, і лихо вписане в угоду зі світом. Ми молоді, доки наша молодість не закінчиться. Ми здорові, доки є здоров'я. Ми з тими, кого любимо, доки ми любимо. Краса життя невід'ємна від її крихкості.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Norman Mailer once wrote that there is a cruel but just law of life that says we must change or pay an increasing cost for remaining the same.”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“By thinking about what was important to them individually, they unleashed their true potential, regardless of cultural scepticism about their ablities.
We are on this planet for only a limited time, and it makes sense to try to use that time wisely, in a way that will add up to something personally meaningful. And study after study shows that having a strong sense of what matters leads to greater happiness, as well as better health, a stonger marriage and a greater academic and professional success.
When we make choices based on what we know to be true for ourselves, rather than being led by others telling us what is "right" or "wrong", important or cool, we have the power to face almost any circumstance in a constructive way.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“The curse of comfort--defaulting to the familiar and accessible--wouldn't matter so much if the only place it led you was down the supermarket aisle, past the unfamiliar and difficult-to-pronounce exotic foods, and straight to your favorite brand of peanut butter. Its impact, though, is much more insidious and far-reaching. It can lead to mistakes that waste our time and keep us from getting where we want to go--sometimes literally.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Emotions are information, not instructions.”
― Susan David, PhD

“We get to that zone of optimal development in a very specific way: when we live at the edge of our ability, a place in which we're not overcompetent or complacent, but also not in so far over our heads that we're overwhelmed.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Para tomar decisiones que sean coherentes con el modo en que quieres vivir, y para tener el trabajo y la profesión que desees, debes estar en contacto con aquello que te importa, para poder usarlo como brújula. A veces estamos tan «ocupados» que nos olvidamos de escuchar nuestra motivación. Si no sabes qué es lo que te importa realmente, es demasiado fácil que pases horas, tal vez incluso años, manejando papeles, navegando por Internet, leyendo correos electrónicos inútiles, parloteando en la cafetería y sintiéndote monstruosamente insatisfecho. Es cuando eres fiel a tu vocación en el ámbito laboral y actúas de forma coherente con tus valores cuando estás más implicado y eres capaz de manifestar al máximo tus capacidades”
― Dr. Susan David, Agilidad emocional

“The word "values" can have a scolding, Sunday school conotation that's pretty unappealing. It feels restrictive or punishing or, worse, judgemental. We hear a lot about having the "right" values (or the wrong ones), but what does that really mean? And who decided what values are worth having?
First off, I don't think that inflexible notions of right and wrong help us much. INstead, I see values not as rules that are supposed to govern us, but as qualitiess of purposeful action that we can bring to many aspects of life. Values aren't universal. But identifying what matters to you, whether that's career success, creativity, close relationships, honesty, altruism - there is an almost infinite list to choose from - gives you a priceless source of continuity. Values serve as a kind of psychological keel to keep you steady.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Building emotional agility:

1. “Label your thoughts and emotions”

My coworker is wrong—he makes me so angry becomes I’m having the thought that my coworker is wrong, and I’m feeling anger.

2. Accept them

“The anger was a signal that something important was at stake and that he needed to take productive action. Instead of yelling at people, he could make a clear request of a colleague or move swiftly on a pressing issue. The more Jeffrey accepted his anger and brought his curiosity to it, the more it seemed to support rather than undermine his leadership.”

3. Act on your values

“We encourage leaders to focus on the concept of workability: Is your response going to serve you and your organization in the long term as well as the short term? Will it help you steer others in a direction that furthers your collective purpose? Are you taking a step toward being the leader you most want to be and living the life you most want to live?”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“To understand how you are percieved by others, ask:

1. What’s the general perception of me?
2. What could I do differently that would have the greatest impact on my success?

Depending on the person, you’ll hear responses ranging from eye-opening and helpful to vague and confusing. If the person is uncomfortable, they may rely on job- or project-specific feedback. In that case, clarify:
I appreciate that feedback. May I go up a level now and ask about the general perception of me as a leader/colleague/person?

Manage your reaction. Resist the temptation to explain yourself, defend your actions, or reveal disappointment. Your interviewees will be looking to see what effect their feedback has on you in real time. The quality of your feedback will only be as good as your ability to remain comfortable while receiving it. Ask for details or examples if you need them. And end with a sincere thank-you.”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“Janet, a chemist and a team leader at a pharmaceutical company, received glowing comments from her peers and superiors during her 360-degree review but was surprised by the negative feedback she got from her direct reports. She immediately concluded that the problem was theirs: “I have high standards, and some of them can’t handle that,” she remembers thinking. “They aren’t used to someone holding their feet to the fire.” In this way, she changed the subject from her management style to her subordinates’ competence, preventing her from learning something important about the impact she had on others.
Eventually the penny dropped, Janet says. “I came to see that whether it was their performance problem or my leadership problem, those were not mutually exclusive issues, and both were worth solving.” She was able to disentangle the issues and talk to her team about both. Wisely, she began the conversation with their feedback to her, asking, “What am I doing that’s making things tough? What would improve the situation?”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“Therefore, to increase productive self-insight and decrease unproductive rumination, we should ask what, not why. “What” questions help us stay objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on our new insights.

For example, consider Jose, an entertainment industry veteran we interviewed, who hated his job. Where many would have gotten stuck thinking “Why do I feel so terrible?” he asked, “What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?” He realized that he’d never be happy in that career, and it gave him the courage to pursue a new and far more fulfilling one in wealth management.”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“Introspection doesn’t always improve self-awareness”

For example, after an uncharacteristic outburst at an employee, a new manager may jump to the conclusion that it happened because she isn’t cut out for management, when the real reason was a bad case of low blood sugar.

Consequently, the problem with asking why isn’t just how wrong we are, but how confident we are that we are right.18 The human mind rarely operates in a rational fashion, and our judgments are seldom free from bias. We tend to pounce on whatever insights we find without questioning their validity or value, we ignore contradictory evidence, and we force our thoughts to conform to our initial explanations.”
― Susan David, Self-Awareness

“Each person's moments of pettiness and anger, or generosity and lovingness, create a feedback loop that makes the overall relationship either more toxic or happier.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“When we're juggling so many complexities that Superman and Wonder Woman together couldn't get it all done working double shifts, or when we're walking on eggshells in an unpredictable relationship, we can become stressed in ways that inhibit our ability to be creative, to be appropriately responsive, and to thrive.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“I had a strong mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head," she remembered. She agonized and cursed the universe for making her a writer. And then, from the endless loop of negative self-evaluation in her mind, she emerged with a value she hadn't known she had.
"The point I realized was this - I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows."
By identifying and then staying true to the tenet that was paramount to her - being a creator through writing - she finished her book.”
― Susan David

“To truly "show up" means making room for labelling your thoughts and emotions and seeing them for what they are: information rather than facts or directives. This is what allows us to step out to create distance from and gain perspective on our mental processes, which then defangs their power over us.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

“Чтобы оставаться по-настоящему живыми, нужно вместо комфорта выбирать смелость — тогда мы не перестанем развиваться, идти в гору и бросать вызов самим себе.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life