Mario Acevedo > Quotes

“I'm an expert in homo sapiens behavior. They can rationalize anything. Take war. They'll bankrupt their economies, sacrifie the best of their young, unleash a bloodbath that impresses even me, at the expense of providing shelter, food, and medicine for their own people. Compared to that, the sale of a few women is trivial.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Undead Kama Sutra

“Depression Is Anger Without Enthusiasm. A”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“The driver turned up a rap tune. Loud. With more bass than a barrage of howitzers. Something by 50 Cent. Or Two-Bits. Shiny Penny. What the hell did I know about rap music?”
― Mario Acevedo, Werewolf Smackdown

“Somebody had written: MEN, which was crossed out and replaced with LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR A PENIS. Under that, the word WOMEN had also been crossed out and replaced with VAGINAL AMERICANS.”
― Mario Acevedo, Werewolf Smackdown

“She drove off in typical L.A. fashion, foot flat on the gas and a cell phone pressed against one ear.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“A Clear Conscience Is Usually the Sign of a Bad Memory. And”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“My kundalini noir ached. I am an undead immortal bloodsucker. I have no heart. No soul. So where did this hurt come from?”
― Mario Acevedo, Werewolf Smackdown

“He said, “I was testing my hypothesis to unlock the greatest secret of all, the resurrection of the dead.” He waited as if he expected his zombies to cheer him. They stared at him with empty eyes. Pus seeped from their wounds.”
― Mario Acevedo, Jailbait Zombie

“I figured they would help by scouting for Phaedra and her minions. Beyond that, I didn’t know what else the crows could do other than shit on her head.”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“Oral Sex Won’t Cause Brain Freeze.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“I logged on to an antiquarian booksellers Web site, The Sagging Bookshelf, and requested a first-edition copy of the 1940s classic Dental Care and Sexual Hygiene for Post-Adolescent Women.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“Can’t say I miss my husband, though. He turned into a real asshole about this and kicked me out of my house and then filed for divorce. Just because I nailed his brother, and the minister.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“The stakeout. The least glamorous and yet often the most valuable activity in investigations. To endure the agonizing boredom and forestall restlessness, I slowed my metabolism into near rigor mortis until I was nothing more than a pair of eyeballs fixed”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“Being an undead bloodsucker makes everything complicated.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“No matter which way you go, it’s a confusion of highways. Direct routes were impossible because every road has to contend with an inconvenient feature of nature’s landscaping called the Rocky Mountains.”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“A cloud of bugs settled around me. Swathes of mosquitoes landed on my arm, tickled my skin, and took off. Why didn’t they bite? Professional courtesy, I guess.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Undead Kama Sutra

“Besides satisfying his carnal appetites,” Bob replied, “Ziggy polished his skills as a scam artist, hence his many enemies. Don’t act surprised. Vampires aren’t known for their moral scruples.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“Allergic to garlic?” He tore a chunk of bread and chomped on it. “Might as well give up breathing.” That too, but not because of allergies.”
― Mario Acevedo, Jailbait Zombie

“Sounds like someone’s found a turd floating in the punch bowl, and I’m supposed to fish it out.” Trouble followed me everywhere.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Undead Kama Sutra

“Do you know what I hate most about being a vampire? Fixing my makeup without a mirror.” Carmen”
― Mario Acevedo, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

“The front hall doubled as an art gallery. The exhibition was a series of modern interpretations of the Virgin of Guadalupe. The Virgin as seamstress. The Virgin wearing boxing gloves. The Virgin working the drive-thru window at McDonald’s.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“Relationships with women were difficult enough; try factoring in being undead.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“We ran across the desert like our hair was on fire because in a few minutes, it might be. Along with the rest of our bodies.”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“Che?” I asked. “Odd name for a dog.” “Why, vato? What else could I name him? He’s a red dog.”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“We need to practice scaring people.” Marina eased into the night, her aura dimming as she screeched, “Dónde están mis hijos?” El Cucuy sauntered beside her and howled, “Bleah! Boo! Booga! Booga!”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“I thought you were Mexican.” “If you’re Mexican, you’re part Indian. And part Spaniard. Part eagle. Dog. Snake. Parts from whatever no one else wants.” Coyote”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure

“The crow never brought good news, like I was needed in Cancún to rub sunscreen on horny coeds.”
― Mario Acevedo, The Undead Kama Sutra

“The sun settled into the gray haze above the ocean. The day’s remaining vendors along the boardwalk sat bundled in jackets behind card tables piled with candles, tarot cards, and homemade trinkets. All of the crazies were gone except for one diehard who sat on a plastic crate and bellowed, “I need money. I gotta buy some pot.”
― Mario Acevedo, X-Rated Bloodsuckers

“I’m an undead bloodsucker; this creeped-out feeling was not supposed to happen to me.”
― Mario Acevedo, Jailbait Zombie

“Why does it have to be Coyote?” Marina’s pleading voice sounded like any mother who grieved as a child marched off to battle. Even the ugly ones.”
― Mario Acevedo, Rescue From Planet Pleasure