Lisa Anderson > Quotes

“When God made the first man, Adam, it wasn’t long before he said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18). Notice he didn’t say, “I’m gonna wait around and see how Adam does on his own. I’ll let him get some experience under his belt first, then see if it’s a good idea to throw a woman into the mix.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“What I’ve learned only recently is that all of this opportunity came at a tremendous cost. You see, Xers and millennials are the product of the largest divorce generation in history (yeah, I’m talking about you, Boomers). It’s obvious how clueless I was even with my stable background, and here my peers were growing up in broken homes. Many of them grew up without dads.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received—see if any of them sound familiar: “Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!” “You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].” “We’re expecting big things from you.” “You have your whole life ahead of you—have fun while you can!” “Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.” “I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“But something bigger was going on. It’s something that marks my generation—generation X—and now the generation behind me—generation Y, the millennials.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“The problem with waiting to get your life in order before considering marriage is that you really have no idea when your life will be in order, if ever.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Yeah, I’m going to get married someday, but after I’ve lived a little, had some fun, and generally gotten my life together.” What they’re saying is that they’re waiting to marry until they grow up. The problem is, they are grown, but they seem to be the only ones who don’t know it.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“The purpose of dating is to find a suitable marriage partner. Period.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Don’t let what you never experienced taint your understanding of what could be.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Let’s bring safety back to the church on this subject. Let’s encircle our single adults and show them they’re included, loved, and valued. Let’s root for them. Let’s challenge them. Let’s have high expectations of them. Single young adults are the future of the church. They’re also our future marriages and families. They deserve not to be forgotten.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“For the most part, the church doesn’t know what to do with singles, largely because the visible majority of church members have moved beyond singleness and lost touch with the needs, attitudes, and aspirations of single adults.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“When it comes to cross-generational relationships within the church, I often remind both singles and marrieds that marriage begins with two single people. Hey, we’re important! And whether singles eventually move toward marriage or stay single for life, we’re still family. What’s more, we need families. If we don’t have our own, we may need to adopt yours. Will you let us?”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Don't diss being a wife and mother in favor of chasing after something that seems sexy and significant. Be open to what God has for you, and let him add the excitement.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Finally, we need the church to help move single adults toward marriage and family. In other words, we need you to get into the business of godly matchmaking. The church has really dropped the ball on this one. But it’s not entirely its fault. Singles and the church at large are in a catch-22 here. On one hand, the church doesn’t talk to singles much about marriage. In an effort not to make us feel bad (a good thing), the church has chosen to remain silent with singles on relationships and marriage (not a good thing). The problem is, most singles want to be married. But the other problem is, we’re embarrassed to admit it. Why? Because when we do, we get shamed and preached at. You can see why this all gets crazy.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Want to love singles in your church? Invite us to the grown-up table. Give us the breakable glasses, not plastic, and let us join in the adult conversation. You may actually learn something from us. And we will be more than willing to jump in and contribute. Pastors and church leaders, ferret out your single adults and get to know us. Invite us into the life and leadership of the church. Put us on committees. Challenge us to give financially. Ask us to lead a project. Don’t let us occupy the sidelines. Make us assimilate.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“First, singles can’t learn everything from singles. Duh. Nor can young adults learn everything from other young adults. To think that we’re an island unto ourselves and can operate healthily under that construct is both arrogant and misguided. For one thing, we just don’t know enough. We need older, seasoned believers to get up in our business and tell us what’s what. We need to know where you’ve walked and what you’ve learned from the journey.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“That’s what we called him. Our prince. And we were princesses. God’s princesses. His daughters, who deserved nothing less than God’s best. And while we were determining God’s best, the message was clear: don’t settle for anything less. Ladies, we’ve gone nuts. Of course God wants us to marry a great guy. Of course he wants us to find someone who loves us, treats us right, and maybe even makes our heart beat a little faster. He certainly wants someone whose calling we can join, a man with whom we can serve God with effectiveness and joy. But while I’m all for understanding our worth in God’s eyes, remember that we’re not perfect prima donnas who deserve the best and nothing less. On the contrary, we’re sinners who will someday marry other sinners. God has a plan for our future marriages, and it’s not to fulfill all our dreams or give us a storybook ending. His goal is to work out his purposes and glorify himself.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Jeff Myers, in his book Grow Together, says that the value of friendship is so important to millennials, in particular, that if a church doesn’t support and provide structure for relationship-building among this generation, it’ll be hard-pressed to keep those young adults in its pews.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“I don’t want church to be a meat market,” the singles say. This is so dumb. It’s only a meat market if you let it be. What it is, is a biblical community called to glorify God and enjoy him forever. The path to marriage can be part of that. And married couples and families within the church need to be part of that. So what does this look like? It starts with befriending singles in your church. It also starts with a heart to see godly matches made. We don’t need busybodies who want the Matchmaker of the Year award. We do need tender hearts and wise spirits to help us shape and guide the process.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“But here’s the problem: fewer and fewer folks are willing to do this. I’m constantly railing on my Boundless audience to go out and get a mentor. I think I’ve finally driven it far enough into their skulls. The problem is, they’re coming back to me, saying, “Lisa, we’re trying, but no one’s willing to take us on.” Seriously? Empty nesters, where are you? Retirees, surely you have some time.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“I gingerly and quietly plopped the idea into the laps of those with whom I thought it would be safe: the married women at church. Big mistake. Immediately I was assaulted with some of the most ridiculous and unbiblical things I’ve heard in church to this day. Here are some examples. “The last thing you want to think about right now is marriage.” “When you stop thinking about marriage, that’s when God will bring someone to you.” “Maybe you’re not spiritually mature enough to marry.” “Go on another missions trip. That’ll get your mind off marriage.” “I wish I were still single. Wanna trade?” These were all said by Christian women, many of them long-time believers, Bible study leaders, elders’ wives, and/or women in other places of authority. I felt so foolish. If it wasn’t good to desire marriage, then I figured I’d better just keep my mouth shut. I certainly didn’t want my fledgling hope to be dismissed so easily. I’d either have to nurture it in secret or try to squelch it altogether. Many singles have done just this. We’ve shut down. We’ve tried to reprogram ourselves. We hold others at arm’s length on this subject because we don’t want to get hurt.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose

“Growing healthy relationships is learning how to communicate, how to do conflict well, how to apologize and forgive, and how to own up to your mistakes. It’s establishing healthy boundaries and knowing when to say no.”
― Lisa Anderson, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose