Jayne Allen > Quotes

“Love comes in many forms—self-love, love between friends, familial love and romantic love, amongst them. In fact, this book itself is my love letter—to you, to black women, to women and to all those who understand the beauty that comes through struggle and the benefit of doing their own work to heal, to understand, to grow, and most importantly, to love more fully.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“a man that ain’t got no plan for you ain’t your man.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Only a fool would think that anything they’ve done was on their own, Tabby,” Ms. Gretchen said. “Nobody makes it on their own, at least, not anywhere worthwhile.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“We just have to focus on what choices we have in front of us, not the ones behind.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“People always want to say that women are crazy, but, nine times out of ten, there’s a reason with a man’s name.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“A lot of times it does feel exhausting. Because everything bad in society is about you, but when it comes to the good, nothing is for you. I feel like I’m not enough and too much, all at the same time. And then, other times, being black feels exhilarating—because every good thing that happens feels like a victory, even the small things. Because you’re constantly reminded that you’re an other, so you know whatever good happened in spite of. So there’s celebration, there’s some joy.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Whatever life you can get your hands on, you’ve got to live it right out to the corners. When I die, I want to skid into heaven with the last wheel falling off,” Ms.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Laila was a true Gemini. She only told you what she wanted you to know, and meanwhile, she’d be living some entirely separate life that you’d only find out about when she was ready to share.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“I say don’t ever die of exhaustion on somebody else’s terms!”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“And then, other times, being Black feels exhilarating—because every good thing that happens feels like a victory, even the small things. Because you’re constantly reminded that you’re an other, so you know whatever good happened in spite of. So there’s celebration, there’s joy.” I paused, just to think. It felt so complicated. I pushed myself to find more, in the deeper parts, hidden in the folds of my spirit—the secrets. “And emptiness is there too—a different kind from what you described, though. A need for . . . validation, maybe to be seen, approved of, to matter as an individual, not just a monolith. And a desire to know that if I do follow all the rules, that I get the promise on the other side, just like anyone else. And by anyone else, I mean anyone else who is white.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Even if it’s just a week, it’s a special kind of missing someone when your best friend is away.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Stories aren’t written about women who follow the rules, Tabby. Stories are written about women who break them and show us all what’s on the other side. The world runs on that magic. Don’t let anybody limit you with what they can’t handle.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Be Magic

“didn’t we all need the space to fall short and keep fighting? Isn’t that what we’re all asking from one another? For the space to try again with the hope that one day, somehow, we could earn that type of forgiveness—the getting over it type, all of it.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Isn’t that what we’re all asking from one another? For the space to try again with the hope that one day, somehow, we could earn that type of forgiveness”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“For any woman who wants children,” she said, as softly as if reciting a love poem, “she has to be ready to face her greatest fears and the uprooting of any lies and delusions she holds about herself. She must be ready to fail . . . and hurt. It’s life’s way of making you face necessary resolutions. That beautiful baby growing inside of you will demand that of you. And the purpose and blessing, at least in part, is to become more aware of who you are and the strength you have access to as a woman.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Be Magic

“Now, Gretchen, a man that ain’t got no plan for you ain’t no man at all. And he’s definitely not your man, you hear? Real men got plans for the things important to them. If he ain’t got no plan for you, then you ain’t what’s important.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“It’s always been a fine line to walk knowing that sometimes I might be the only one in the room with the platform to amplify the stories that shape the lives of forgotten people.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“It just seemed that once 30 hit, all the folks for whom marriage meant something, especially the men who considered having a wife and family as an accomplishment in its own right, they’d already taken their nearest best option to the altar. The men that were left and still single, well, they considered it an accomplishment that they had neither wife nor child, and never got “caught up” or “caught slippin” which likened falling in love to unprotected casual sex. They treated love like a disease you catch, and if real adult commitment was the incurable version of it, then for them family was basically death. And goodness knows, I wasn’t trying to kill anybody—what I wanted was that same-page kind of love, the kind between two people where there were a lot more answers than questions.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“Uncomfortable is when you know what needs to be done. It's just not the thing you most want to do. Uncomfortable doesn't feel good, but at least you know what's supposed to happen. But whew, hard?" Her hands flew up to the sides of head, as if to protect her temples from a flood of memories. "Hard is when you have no idea what needs to be done, or how to do it. And no idea how you're going to make it through.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Have It All

“You never know what's going to come up or what you'll have to confront. But don't think your journey should be easy just. because you don't have larger problems.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Have It All

“Exactly. But, then, get this—Chris said that I got the promotion because he believed more in my perspective and my potential and that now I was going to have to prove myself.” Lexi laughed halfheartedly. “Don’t we always have to prove ourselves?”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“I shook my head. “We’re just always caught right in the middle carrying a double, even triple, burden,” I said. “And never knowing which issue is the issue that’s going to get us what we need. How can you fight other people’s battles when it seems like nobody is fighting yours?”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“It never got old, the recognition of silent victory witnessing hair like mine in spaces that we’d always been told it didn’t belong.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Have It All

“Girl, we’re living out our dreams. Sometimes it’s just happening in slow motion, so you don’t notice until you hit a milestone or look back on everything.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Be Magic

“Covered by insurance?” Laila spat out the words, laughing at me again. “Girl, hell no! It’s not Viagra. This is for women after the Viagra actually works. And since it’s just for women, you know it’s not covered by insurance! But you don’t need a prescription for it. I guess they make you go up and ask for it to keep people from thinking they’re candy,” she said, rolling her eyes.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“a man that ain’t got no plan for you ain’t no man at all. And he’s definitely not your man, you hear? Real men got plans for the things important to them. If he ain’t got no plan for you, then you ain’t what’s important.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“once you’re made aware of what you don’t have, it becomes the thing you dream of.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“But death isn't a transistion for only those who've passed. You never know who or what it will change for the living.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Be Magic

“Somehow, I was going to have to do both—do everything, even though deep down, I felt like I was already failing miserably at the things that mattered most.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted

“The attempted comforts around death are sometimes the worst part of the experience—the heaviness of the conversations, the expectations of sadness, and the careful word choices.”
― Jayne Allen, Black Girls Must Die Exhausted