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“The service was also very nice. Normally, when food is served, they say, “Bon appétit.” But when this food was dropped, you said, “Son of a bitch!”—even though I saw no puppies.”
― Jeremy Greenberg, Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed:

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“You never see positive portrayals of black cats on TV. Orange cats are used to sell cat food. And when an orange cat steals lasagna, it’s sweet and funny. Orange cats are cute little guys who wear boots. But black cats? We’re always demons and witches! That’s some racist BS.”
― Jeremy Greenberg, Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed:

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“Name: Blixa, Tiramisu, and Zabaglione Age: 3 Months Re: Don’t adopt us just because you miss your grandfather”
― Jeremy Greenberg, Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed:

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“you”
― Jeremy Greenberg, Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed:

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“Sure, I might follow you into the bathroom and try to sit on your lap while you poop.”
― Jeremy Greenberg, Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed:

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