Jane Isay > Quotes

“Unconditional love is the magic bridge that spans the generations: we love them unconditionally, and they love us back without reservations. It's a two-way experience. It grows the children and gentles the grandparents.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“What’s the difference between encouragement from parents and from grandparents? When the nonjudgmental sense of being accepted as you are-not as your parents want or as your peers require- radiates from the gaze of a grandparent, it’s a confidence builder.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“Knowledge is different from information. Information is what you get raw from all kinds of sources, from books, from various media, and in school. Knowledge is information processed through life experience.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“I love my life as a writer and mapmaker of family relationships.”
― Jane Isay

“It’s also a nodding truth that these close relationships are built one on one. Time alone with a grandchild is golden. The flow of love is unmediated because there are no distractions. Attention is complete.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“swimming laps: dive in, stroke, stroke, and breathe. Keep going. Sometimes you have to rotate your body to cut through the water cleanly. Sometimes you think that you will never catch your breath again. But you keep on breathing and kicking, and you keep on stroking. Eventually, the effort seems less exhausting. At the end of the swim, you have new strength, and the desire to dive in again.”
― Jane Isay, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents

“Some revelations stop relationships in their tracks. But others reveal the true person in our midst, the imperfect, limping, and often loving soul we cared about so much. And so we continue to care, and together we rebuild, this time slowly, on a foundation of truth. We can build a house together, or a home, or a beautiful garden that is nourished by acceptance.”
― Jane Isay

“I learned this especially from sons and daughters of men who were abusive fathers. Once these fathers stopped drinking and raging, and showed that they wanted a loving relationship with their children, the grown kids I spoke with were eager to take them back into their lives.”
― Jane Isay, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents

“Mindful of the boundaries between us and our grown children, we make the effort to take the differences between us less personally”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“My happiest moments are when all my children are okay. That's just how life is. We've all been through it ourselves. It is hard, because you are so bone of their bone, skin of their skin. You feel things so strongly, if you are truly a loving parent.”
― Jane Isay, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents

“Encouraging grandchildren to follow their dreams, despite the worries the other adults in their lives might harbor, is one of the pleasures of being a grandparent. We empower them when we bake together, garden together, write books together, teach them to knit and crochet, and stop cheating at cards to let them win as a nod to their becoming more grown up. We empower them in Grandpa’s garage workshop when they hammer their first nail and saw their first piece of wood. Sometimes we let them see their own strengths even though we don’t have a lesson plan.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“The current vogue in child development is to focus on noncognitive skills: self-regulation, grit, and the ability to process stress. Loving attention from adults is essential to the development of these traits.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“The attitude of neutrality allows grandparents to listen to the teenager without the emotional baggage their parents carry. And if we listen carefully, we may be able to glimpse what the teenager is going through.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“So let’s allow ourselves to imagine that the attention and love we give our grandchildren can help them grow and eventually help to mend our troubled world.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“The stories that travel down through the years nurture our descendants long after we’re gone. We contribute to this continuity by the acceptance we offer and the time we share. It’s our immortality.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“Today, as I walked my dog on a cool clear morning, I realized that if I live long enough, I may see my grandchildren grow into adults. Someday they might become my young friends. This hope keeps me going. Jane Isay”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“The elder generation may also take the opportunity to grow. Becoming a grandparent is the crowning event for many people, so why should it present a challenge? Because the rules are about to change, and promoting harmony in the family under new circumstances takes patience and modesty. It requires that the elder generation adopt a long view.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

“My happiest moments are when all my children are okay. That's just how life is. We've all been through it ourselves. It is hard, because you are so bon of their bone, skin of their skin. You feel things so strongly, if you are truly a loving parent.”
― Jane Isay, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents

“Today, as I walked my dog on a cool clear morning, I realized that if I live long enough, I may see my grandchildren grow into adults. Someday they might become my young friends. This hope keeps me going.”
― Jane Isay, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust