Bianca Toeps > Quotes

“As an autistic, I often feel forced to code-switch, to switch between two different types of behaviour: my own and that which is socially desirable.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“The need for structure is often misunderstood by outsiders, and even care workers. Ironically, they tend to interpret the need for structure a bit too literally, and they think everybody benefits from a daily schedule that’s been planned to the max. The notion that people with autism might experience more stress due to a day that’s been planned down to the hour (because the more that’s been planned, the more that can go wrong) is lost on them.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“According to the Markrams, more connections are being made in the autistic brain and brain cells respond more emphatically to each other. There’s a stronger response to stimuli, thoughts run rampant quicker. In short: the world is extremely intense for autistics.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“How autistic someone looks doesn’t say much about how autistic someone is. All it does is give an indication of how intelligent someone is and how much that person has been “trained” to show neurotypical behaviour. For that reason, most non-autistic-looking autistics tend to be the people who experience the highest psychological pressure. Their brain is running non-stop on full capacity, their self-monitoring is so internalised the system can’t actually be turned off anymore. A constant flow of information (at best) or heartless self-criticism (at worst) leaves the owner of this brain overworked, burnt-out and depressed.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“That doesn’t just explain autistic people’s hypersensitivity, but also their apparent insensitivity and limitations in social communication.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“How autistic someone looks doesn’t say much about how autistic someone is.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“as the Markrams explain in their scientific publication from 2010:
The intense world that the autistic person faces could easily become aversive if the amygdala and related emotional areas are significally affected with local hyper-functionality. The lack of social interaction in autism may therefore not be because of deficits in the ability to process social and emotional cues, but because a sub-set of cues are overly intense, compulsively attended to, excessively processed and remembered with frightening clarity and intensity. Typical autistic symptoms, such as averted eye gaze, social withdrawal, and lack of communication, may be explained by an initial over-awareness of sensory and social fragments of the environment, which may be so intense, that avoidance is the only refuge.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“And even if that’s not the case, such statements are harmful: they paint a picture that autistics aren’t people and that they don’t have feelings, let alone autonomy.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“Apart from overstimulation, understimulation is also common in autistic people. Some autistics, for example, barely seem to feel pain or cold, ignore the urge to pee to the point of it resulting in a bladder infection, or forget to eat or drink for a whole day.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“8. It’s probably because of the vaccinations No.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“To everyone who feels they have to pretend to be something they’re not and who is constantly afraid to step on people’s toes I’d like to give this piece of advice: find better friends. You deserve it.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“It’s time to listen to autistics, instead of fearmongers. The fact that we’re wired differently than the average person doesn’t mean that our neurotype should be beaten or eradicated. What we want is more understanding for autistics – we would like people to respect our sensitivities and welcome our strengths.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“I’m tired, I’d love to just go to sleep, but at the same time my head just keeps racing. There’s a schedule with a thousand things to be done and I’m way too hyper to go to sleep. But I’m tired. But I have things to do. But I’m tired. I get into a spiral I barely manage to get out of.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“Imagine your own senses, multiplied by ten. A passing shopping trolley sounds like a low-flying fighter jet, a little breeze feels like an icy hand in your neck. Tight clothing becomes a metal harness you can't move around in and sunlight through the trees hits you like the flashing of a stroboscope you accidently looked straight into.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“Is there something important you’d like to discuss with me? Email me or send me a text. This gives me time to think things over, which helps me protect my boundaries and get my points across clearly.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“One thing that's become clear is that we aren't insensitive robots, but we may seem that way sometimes because we close ourselves off. Stimuli - and that includes emotions - are often so intense for autistics that they have developed a defense mechanism.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“That doesn't just explain autistic people's hypersensitivity, but also their apparent insensitivity and limitations in social communication. We close up in the overwhelming storm of stimuli, like a computer that freezes when you give it ten different tasks at the same time. Then our hyper-fanatic brains make sure we remember that scary, nasty experience very well and will try to avoid it in the future.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“The Markrams argue that more autistics could use their potential if their environment would enable them to do so.

Instead of showering autistics with stimuli so they 'learn how to deal with it' or drilling them like soldiers, they argue for a calm, predictable environment for autistic children, so they are less likely to close up or develop anxieties. This way they can develop the positive aspects of their armed-up brain.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“the stimuli caused by stims, physical sensations or crowded places seem to activate a clean-up system that, while processing these self-chosen stimuli, also clears away the unpleasant stimuli.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“In short, what it comes down to is that someone who has autism has trouble with communication and social interaction and has typical behaviours and interests.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Back to the DSM. We were at point C, a criterion I'd like to shout from the rooftops: symptoms are present from childhood, but It's entirely possible they don't manifest until challenges in your life exceed your capabilities and coping skills.
This is also referred to as the autistic burn-out: someone who was previously able to speak in coherent sentences, suddenly can't utter a single word or bursts into tears at the slightest change. It's the result of years of asking too much, of hiding and of "acting normal". The person in question shuts down and seems to become more autistic. But that's not the case: The person was always this autistic, they just ran out of energy to hide it.”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“An often-heard statement is that ABA therapy can make your child “indistinguishable from peers”. But I’m begging you, don’t aim for that. Your child is different, and they’ll always be. And that’s OK. By forcing them to be “normal”, you’re telling them you don’t love them as they are. Autistic ways of playing are valid. So are autistic ways of communicating. Stimming is fine. Moving is fine.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“force your child to wear itchy or polyester clothes. Give up that battle. Autistics will never ‘learn to cope with it’. The only thing they will learn is to ignore their own body’s signals. And that can be incredibly harmful.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“How do you talk to an autistic? First of all, one question at a time, please.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“Support the autistic person in their quirky hobbies and obsessions; these are the moments they’re at their happiest.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“It’s great when people understand you, but it is not always essential. Live your life, make your choices, and do it for yourself. You’re okay.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“Furthermore, a lot of people still assume autism is something that mainly affects men, something De Hooge also discusses in her thesis. Right now, autism is diagnosed in men four times as often as in women. This difference used to be even bigger. I was always told this is because women are better at camouflaging and I believed it, until I read Anna's thesis. Are women better at camouflaging, or do they face more severe consequences if they don't?”
― Bianca Toeps, Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autistisch uit

“The experiment takes place in a social setting created by and according to the standards of neurotypical people. That will inherently affect the results. Analysis of video recordings shows that the researchers don’t pick up on certain non-verbal signals displayed by the autistic children4. This causes the children to doubt themselves and adjust their answers. Children with autism are often taught not to trust their own feelings, so I’m not surprised they say what the researcher appears to want to hear. The interpretation of the results is littered with neurotypical assumptions as well. But a researcher who thinks that someone who doesn’t answer questions according to neurotypical standards has a problem, is the one with a lack of understanding, in my opinion.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“Autistic behaviour in men is better accepted, or swept under the rug with a dismissive “ah well, men…” This can also be seen in TV shows, Anna de Hooge argues in her thesis. She watched shows like Sherlock and The Big Bang Theory and concluded that the “autistic” characters get away with exceptionally dickish, aggressive or inappropriate behaviour, such as spying on the girl next door or completely ignoring someone else’s authority.”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All

“@allesvandaan.nl”
― Bianca Toeps, But You Don’t Look Autistic at All