Robert Allans > Quotes

“Husband Sends the Following Message to His Wife My Love, If you’re Sleeping, Send Me Your Dreams. If you’re Smiling, Send Me Your Smile. If you’re Crying, Send Me Your Tears. I Love You. Wife Texted Back: I'm In the Toilet, What Should I Send You?”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused, "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry.”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“Husband sent a text to wife at night, “Hi I will get late, plz try and wash all my dirty clothes And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.” He sent another text, “I forgot to tell u that I got an increase in My salary at the end of month I’m getting u a new car” She text back, “Omg really?” Husband Replied: “No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st msg.” # Joke .. 5 A woman told her husband that she saw him with another woman in her dream. To which the man replied, ‘it’s only a dream’. The woman said; ‘and this is what”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer; The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning. The surprised girl said, “What was that?” The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!” The girl slapped him soundly. “What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek. “Customer feedback.”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES

“Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up. You don’t need make-up, Jane. Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery. # Joke .. 2 Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the problem?" "Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!" # Joke .. 3 Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets?”
― Robert Allans, FUNNY ENGLISH: A NEW & RELIABLE METHOD OF ENGLISH MASTERY WITH THE AID OF JOKES