Phoebe Eaton > Quotes

“Listen, shit gets ripped off at hospitals all the fucking time. I mean Jesus, who wants to work in a hospital? The money sucks and it's boring and disgusting and you can get attacked with like, staplers, because people are genuinely off their rockers, and if I tell anybody something's wrong—any little, the slightest nothing, anything—the whole entire desk gangs up on you like you're some traitor to their mind-blowing incompetence. By law, they have to call the police and file a report. It's a whole thing, a giant hassle, and they all hate you 'cause it means tossing the cells, it really is like jail only everybody knows it's somebody on staff, and that gets them extra table-flipping pissy because it's this big hot steaming pile of extra work for nothing!”
― Phoebe Eaton, The Best Women's Stage Monologues 2021

“At trial, it became clear that in the macho, mustache-man world of drug-trafficking, Chapo had as much use for women, seducing them with saccharine forevers, then putting them to work in his stable—as buyers, as Blackberry-tapping go-betweens to preserve his anonymity on deals—involving their family members because there’s no glue stronger than blood.”
― Phoebe Eaton, In the Thrall of the Mountain King: The Secret History of EL CHAPO, the World’s Most Notorious Narco

“She was young, not so much older than me
A career girl in a little soignée suit and hosiery
Just recently engaged
She'd leapt from the 86th-floor observation deck of the Empire State Building and
crash-bam-slammed
into the roof of a shiny black Cadillac
Which now gathered her into its folds
It looked like somebody popped open a ring box
An expression of pure bliss gleaming on her face
A nun's ecstasy, her first and final orgasm
A perfect ending, handed to the world in white gloves.”
― Phoebe Eaton, Best Women's Monologues of 2019