Gifts of Humor > Quotes

“Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily it was a soft drink.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“You daddy so dumb when he jump the fence the gate was open!”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad, I take something for it.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes

“Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.”
― Gifts of Humor, 500+ Dad Jokes: Funny, Clean, Corny and Just Plain Silly Jokes