John Maddox Roberts > Quotes

“The Claudians," I observed, "are a family of insane hereditary criminals.”
― John Maddox Roberts

“At this time, about the only thing that was still regarded as perverted was a public display of affection toward one’s wife.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Catiline Conspiracy

“Pugilism is the silliest of all combat arts. It consists of taking the human hand, with its multitude of tiny, frangible bones, and smashing it against the human skull, a most unyielding target.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The King's Gambit

“One wouldn't want to consult with foreign snakes.”
― John Maddox Roberts

“Think nothing of it,” I said. “We’ve all wanted to kill Clodius from time to time.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Catiline Conspiracy

“Look out!" Julia cried. "he has a snake! And he'll use it!”
― John Maddox Roberts

“This led to a discussion of whether volcanoes were really the fires from Vulcan’s forge or some sort of natural phenomenon, like storms and floods. I was of the latter opinion, because Vulcan is reputed to be the greatest of smiths and I doubt he would let his fires get out of control.”
― John Maddox Roberts, Under Vesuvius

“And so, forbidden by a Roman official and warned by a slave, I went forth at dusk to meet with a high-class Greek prostitute.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Temple of the Muses

“I have never been among those who think that it is better to be dead than to leave Rome. In fact, I have fled Rome many times in order to preserve my life.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Temple of the Muses

“Some were encased in gold leaf hammered to an incredible thinness. We were supposed to eat these, gold and all. Some were still in their shells, and when cracked open these proved to contain the sort of party favors esteemed by wealthy hosts: perfumes, pearls, gems, golden chains, and so forth. While the ladies made delighted sounds I tried to figure out how they had gotten those items inside the shells, but to no avail. I could see no hole or seam in the complete shells. Maybe, I thought, they just fed the things to the chickens and ducks and this was the result.”
― John Maddox Roberts, Oracle of the Dead

“One forced to live in surroundings that might have been devised by Plato must seek relief and an outlet for the human urges despised by philosophers. Wickedness and debauchery may not be the only answers, but they are certainly the ones with the widest appeal.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Temple of the Muses

“I tipped young Hylas with a sesterce and turned away discreetly while he disposed of it somewhere about his person. Slaves, especially small ones, must resort to certain subterfuges in order to prevent larger slaves from acquiring their wealth, and it is often inadvisable to wonder too much about where our money has been.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Tribune's Curse

“True to a unique tradition of Rome, all the nearby walls had been slathered with that unique institution of the Latin race: graffiti. Daubed in paint of every color were slogans such as Death to the aristocrats! and The shade of Tribune Ateius calls out for blood! and May the curse of Ateius fall on Crassus and all his friends! All of this was scrawled wretchedly and spelled worse. Rome has an extremely high rate of literacy, mostly so that the citizens can practice this particular art form.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Tribune's Curse

“The Sublician is the oldest of our bridges, although it has been destroyed and rebuilt several times. The very name refers to the heavy timbers of which it was once built, but the present bridge is of stone. For many generations it was the only bridge over the Tiber at Rome, because the Etruscans lived on the other bank, and Rome was strong enough to defend only one bridge at a time. The most famous story concerning the bridge is the one about Horatius Cocles, who is said to have held off the army of Lars Porsena single-handed while the Romans dismantled the bridge behind him. There are several versions of this celebrated tale. In one of them, Horatius is simply the point man of a wedge of Romans. In another, he held the bridge with two companions, who fell at his side before the bridge was destroyed. In a third, Horatius held the bridge alone right from the first. Personally, I think only the first version has any truth to it. I have been in many battles and skirmishes and played a heroic part in none of them. But I have seen last-ditch stands and delaying actions in plenty, and I have never seen a place, however narrow, that could be defended against an army by a single man for more than a minute or so. No matter how strong and skillful you are, while one man engages you, somebody else can always thrust a spear over the rim of your shield. And then there are the arrows and sling-stones that always fly about in such profusion when men thirst for one another’s blood. Supposedly, when the bridge was destroyed, Horatius somehow found leisure to address a prayer to Tiberinus, god of the river, and leaped in fully armed and swam across to great applause, to be rewarded richly by the citizenry. Another version has him drowning, which is what usually happens when a man in armor finds himself in deep water.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Tribune's Curse

“At least, when the great Temple of Jupiter had burned twenty years before, Sulla had had the good taste to restore it to its original design and condition. They don’t make tyrants like Sulla anymore.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Catiline Conspiracy

“About seven hundred years ago, a pack of bandits arrived in central Italy, led by two brothers named Romulus and Remus. They despoiled the nearby peoples of land and women and set up their own little bandit state. At some point, Romulus established a fine old Roman tradition by murdering his brother. Had it been the other way around, I suppose we might now be living in a city named Reme.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The River God's Vengeance

“If it is mortal, I can slay it. And it must be mortal."
"How can you be sure of that?" she asked.
"Because it wears a helm," he said imperturbably. "Immortals have no need of armour. It wears a helm because it does not want a cleft skull.”
― John Maddox Roberts, Conan the Champion

“It is one of the most annoying aspects of conspiracy that it compels one to blunder about the streets at night. I got lost several times trying to find the house of Laeca, and it is always embarrassing to have to pound on doors and ask directions.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Catiline Conspiracy

“Now she looked offended. "What do you take me for?"
"Let us pass over that question in a delicate moment.”
― John Maddox Roberts, Murder in Tarsis

“I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO A good year. I always surveyed each new year with optimism, and events almost always proved my outlook mistaken. This year was to be no exception.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Sacrilege

“I feel that my best work is ahead of me. I am embarrassed to look at my earlier writing now.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Catiline Conspiracy

“Some men care only about power. That's Caesar. He wants to accomplish things and he has to have power to do so, so he has pursued power with a single-mindedness as I've never seen. It makes him uncomfortable to be around. I prefer a brute sensualist like Antonius. He wants power, but that's just so he can accumulate more wealth and more women and wine and food and houses. Power to him means things he can taste and feel. To Caesar'--I shrugged--'to Caesar I don't know what it means. I can't fathom him.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The Year of Confusion

“offices,”
― John Maddox Roberts, The River God's Vengeance

“ROME AWOKE TO THE GREAT, collective hangover of the day after Saturnalia. All over the city hundreds of thousands of bleary eyes opened, the merciless light of morning pierced through them, and a vast groan ascended unto Olympus. Patrician and plebeian, slave and freedman, citizen and foreigner, all were afflicted and were half certain that Pluto had them by the ankle and was dragging them toward the yawning abyss; and, on the whole, they viewed the oblivion of the trans-Stygian world as not such a bad prospect after all. Even Stoic philosophers were retching into the chamberpot that morning.”
― John Maddox Roberts, Saturnalia

“Yes, they were evil times, but in my long lifetime I have come to see that the times have always been evil, and the idyllic old days of nobility and virtue never really occurred, but are only the fantasies of poets and moralists.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The King's Gambit

“Lowest of all were bankers and auctioneers, who made money without actually producing anything—activities that, to right-thinking people, had the aspect of a species of magic.”
― John Maddox Roberts, The River God's Vengeance

“Don’t bother trying to tell me you’re unbribable. You are a Greek, after all.” “Do I look like I need money?” he asked. “I’ve already paid for my funeral, and I’ve bought a very decent tomb for my family out on the Via Tiburtina.” “Everybody needs money!” Hermes protested. “Not necessarily,” I said. “However, I shall be praetor next year, and very few men never need a favor, if not for themselves, then for some family member. How about it, Polyneices? I am sure you are all very respectable people, but surely you have the odd scapegrace, the inevitable ne’er-do-well, among your kin? My own father has bailed me out of the lockup more than once in my young and foolish days.” He thought, stroking his jaw in that odd Greek fashion.”
― John Maddox Roberts, A Point of Law