Splendiferous Steve > Quotes

“REEEEE!!”
― Splendiferous Steve, Pete the Pirate Pillager 1: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“Barbarius swung his massive fist into Barbarius’s face.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 8: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Whoever built this maze is exceptionally cruel,” said Alex, “only leaving one block of space between the cactus walls. It’s downright horrific.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“had been inserted inside”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“Ahoy!”
― Splendiferous Steve, Pete the Pirate Pillager 2: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“Steve sucked in a”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 9: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“When he refers to the ugliest creatures on earth, he is talking about squids,” said Chuck knowledgably. “I cannot think of a single thing uglier. All those horrible arms.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 4: Going Batty

“I will only kill it a little bit!”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“Now”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“My name is Rancid and I am always moaning all the time, I moan so much that I would probably get a medal for it, and even then I would probably moan about that as well.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 6: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“this.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“lovely to see you all today for our lunchy-lunch. But before we all tuck in to some nummy nummies, please welcome our guests,”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 10: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“You,” said Chuck with great irritation, “are an idiot.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 9: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“If a set of identical twins were to start at your school, the teacher would not say, Here are your new classmates. I shan’t bother to introduce them, because you’ll never learn who is who. Now then, today we are going to learn how a prism works.”
― Splendiferous Steve, Pete the Pirate Pillager 2: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“Steve lifted a nervous, guilty smile. “Um … sorry.” The librarian just looked at him, stunned. “Sooo, anyway,” said Steve. “You don’t happen to know what the rarest item in the world is, do you?”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 2

“It’s like you’re fighting a Hydra,”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Now then, sixty-four diamonds plus forty-one diamonds plus twelve diamonds is … um, let’s see here … carry the seven … add seventeen for good luck … that makes a grand total of, err … well, it’s something like … erm ….” Alex huffed. “It’s—” “No, wait, I’ve got this,” said Steve before she could announce the answer first. “If you’ve got this then why are you frowning?” “It helps me think better,” Steve snapped. “Now then, the answer is … it is … well, it’s ….” His mouth moved up and down, and he frowned harder and harder, until finally he declared: “A million?”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“You did,” said Brian. “You encouraged us to fight … because you sent your pig out to get some iron golems and bring them back here while we were fighting so that Billy would nearly get killed and I would corral everyone to save him, and because of that we would make up and realise the value of family and teamwork!” Steve paused. “Um.” Alex said, “What?” “That’s what he did!” cried Brian happily. “Isn’t it!” Billy gasped. “AND ORANGE-HAIR GIRL KNOW ABOUT IT TOO! ORANGE-HAIR GIRL HELP BILLY SEE THAT BONE BROTHERS SHOULD FIGHT TOGETHER AGAIN! BECAUSE ORANGE-HAIR GIRL KNOW DIRTY PIG GOING TO COME WITH BIG METAL MACHINE-MEN!” Now Alex said, “Um.” “That,” said Steve, “is exactly what happened. You’ve got us! That was our plan all along. We just goaded you into fighting so that all this stuff with the iron golems would happen and you would become friends again.” Brian jumped up and down. “I knew it!!” Billy grinned. “YOU CLEVER, BRIAN. AND YOU BOTH CLEVER, ORANGE-HAIR GIRL AND STUPID SMILE BOY.” “Thank you,” said Steve. Then: “Wait. ‘Stupid smile boy’?” “You’re very welcome,” said Alex. “As thanks for our, err, brilliant planning … what do the two of you think about untying us?” Brian and Billy looked at her. They looked at Steve. They looked at Porker. And then: “BWA HA HA HA HA!” “Ha hah! What a silly suggestion!” “ORANGE-HAIR GIRL THINK THEM DESERVE BE UNTIED!” “What madness! Why would we ever do that? Eh, Billy?” “HA HA! YES, WHY? THEM ONLY REPAIR OUR BOND AND BRING FAMILY TOGETHER AGAIN! DO THEM THINK THAT REALLY DESERVE THEM BE UNTIED?” “Hee-hee, yes! E-exactly,” said Brian, laughter abruptly petering out. Then Billy stopped too. “BWA HA … HA.” They frowned. They looked at each other. They looked back at Alex. They looked at Steve. They looked at Porker. (Again.) “Maybe we should free them,” said Brian quietly. “THEM DO GOOD THING FOR US,” said Billy. “IT ONLY FAIR.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 6: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“you’re not very nice, Chuck.” “Is that so?” said the chicken, sounding as if he did not care one bit. “I suppose then I must have spent too much time with that horrible girl as well.” And he set about rustling his feathers, leaving Collin—who just five minutes ago had been feeling really quite happy after scaring off those pillagers”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 10: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“butt?”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe, Books 1 - 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“He’d painted some sort of boring, rubbish egg—a cow egg, maybe”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 12: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“their heads pressed to the earth as they worshipped Chuck. “But why is he the One True King?” asked Alex. “It’s not like there’s anything particularly special about him.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 3

“Next you’ll be telling us that Granny Mavis’s delicious cookies are made out of monster bones and rotten flesh!”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Okay,” said Alex. “But, um, I don’t have any paper on me. Or any shears.” “That’s fine,” said Steve; “you can just be stone. Okay, ready? On three! One, two, three!” Alex held up a piece of cobblestone. Steve held up a sheet of paper.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 1: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Herobrine slipped into the shadow of an oak tree and disappeared.”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 10: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“AAAAAGH!” screamed Collin. “PROTECT ME!” (You can guess who that came from.)”
― Splendiferous Steve, The Quest for the Obsidian Pickaxe 5: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Captain Bumfluff,”
― Splendiferous Steve, Pete the Pirate Pillager 1: An Unofficial Minecraft Series

“With a sail like that,” shouted someone, “we wouldn’t dream of it!” That set them all off again. Pete stalked away, his cheeks glowing bright red.”
― Splendiferous Steve, Pete the Pirate Pillager 2: An Unofficial Minecraft Series