Hillary Allen > Quotes

“This determination is my bushido. It’s my “way of the warrior.” It’s palpable, a fierceness I possess, a beautiful stubbornness and unwillingness to give up.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“Like anything that is important in our lives, we don’t understand the why intellectually at first; we can’t categorize or describe it in a discrete way. We just know that it has space and power in our lives, and it feels significant. You may not understand it, but you feel its weight and importance. This is why I run, why I adventure and go out to push myself day in and day out. I am searching for connection through solitude. I connect with myself, with the spaces I explore, with the human experience and existence itself. Without the extremes I can encounter through running, these playgrounds and experiences of being outside of my comfort zone, I can’t feel truly connected or understood—by others or myself. This manner of self-exploration looks different for different people. It can happen through anything that pushes you to be better and really question your purpose here on this earth, causing you to search for the answers within yourself and through your medium.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“One thing that frees me from that battlefield is knowing that my strength and athletic build helped save my life.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“Letting go of expectation allowed me to celebrate even the smallest victories, to be utterly in the winning moment and thankful for my current state.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“You are more than a result. You are enough, just as you are.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“It’s just healing again, and you need to give it a little patience. You’ll be stronger for it. Recovery is not a linear path. These setbacks are necessary for progress.” With his words, he reminded me I could do this, that it was hard for a reason, and that I was strong enough to meet it head-on.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Running has become a place where I can explore every part of me. It’s one of the few places where I can struggle, suffer, cry, hit rock bottom, and still become better. It’s one of the few places where I can learn about the most important relationship in my life—my relationship with myself. This relationship is perpetually evolving and in constant need of love and attention, but through running, movement, and challenge, I’ve discovered the best way to take care of me. The best way to allow myself the space to grow, change, and love, and to be confused, uncomfortable, and raw—with no timeline or hidden agenda. In doing so, I’m able to perform at my best, to be honest and authentic with everyone I come in contact with.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“One of the main themes Timothy and I discussed was self-acceptance and the liberation that comes with accepting yourself as you are, even in your imperfectness—the struggle, the change, and the rediscovery. I have trouble with this. I’m a perfectionist at my core, with an insane work ethic. I don’t let things happen; I make them happen. When I want something, I find a way to get it done, and I do it well. I hold myself to a very high standard. Sometimes that standard is unrealistic and impossible to meet, but I keep it that way, so I don’t slack off.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Have you ever thought about accepting yourself as you are right here and now? That you are good enough—perfect in fact—just as you are?”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“That was the moment I realized how extraordinary it can be to accept help from someone, how it’s not really about me at all. It’s really about the process of giving help and receiving it. My community grew because I was in a place of need. Over time, I realized I was the only one who felt uncomfortable, as the receiver of help.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Experiencing the extreme lows, and being honest with the people in my life, up-front with how I was feeling…this was key to moving through my dark emotions.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“I felt supported and celebrated for my spirit and who I was. No one asked me to change or be anything but myself. Running allowed me to rediscover—and celebrate—my strengths.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“I felt strong. I felt motivated. It all seemed to be coming together. I felt like this was the year I could celebrate all of the hard work I had done in getting back to where I wanted to be.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

“Thank you to my team at Revo Physiotherapy and Sports Performance, especially Matt Smith. Your guidance, both in physical rehab and mental fortitude, provided me with a plan to execute and a new hope to believe in.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“It was worth it to try, and risk failing, because every day that I showed up to do the work, I proved to myself that I was enough as I was, in the here and now: injured, recovering, working toward a goal, competing, or never competing again. I was worth just as much as I was before the injury, and before my second surgery.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Why do I run? Why do I want to run again? Why did I want to return to something that caused me so much pain? These are questions I ask myself every day. They are questions I asked myself every day during my recovery, and they are the questions I read in the eyes of my mother, my friends, and my loved ones. Sometimes I didn’t understand why I kept going. I didn’t always have the answers to these questions. Often, I still can’t even put it into words. Why?”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“The article discussed the tragedy of devoting yourself to only one thing, one pursuit, one passion, one interest. It discussed how life is never that simple. How there needs to be room for balance and other interests and passions to take hold of you and pull you in a different direction—which is often not planned for. It discussed how this makes a person grow and become a full-bodied, rich, enlightened, and intelligent individual.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“In my head, I pictured myself building a brick house. I was at the beginning of the process, building the foundation, laying each brick by hand and adding the next—methodically placing it and cementing it to its neighbor. If one brick dented or chipped or had a little crack in it, I didn’t care. I placed each imperfect brick in the foundation, because next to the others the flawed brick becomes stronger, reinforced, better. Each brick was like a day in my recovery. I was building something; I just couldn’t yet see what it was. Each piece was contributing to a bigger picture and a greater story. Doing the work and showing up each day, laying each brick, gave me hope that I was building a strong foundation for a beautifully imperfect home.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Never give up on something you love, something that’s part of you, even when the journey is full of tears and obstacles. Keep holding on to it. Belief has the power to challenge the impossible.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Being honest with myself about how I was really feeling is what saved my life and put me on the path to survival.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Understanding your why is a concept—a oneness, a state of mind, a state of being. It’s like learning something new. At first it doesn’t make sense. It’s confusing. You have to work at it and study it to comprehend it. But in the end, once you’ve put in the work, suddenly it’s there, beautiful and magnificent, and you can’t live without it.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Even in a great achievement, there’s no attaining anything.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“The morning of the surgery, I wrote a little ode to my soon-to-be ex, the screws. To my dearest screws: You came into my life, abruptly. Holding me together, firmly. While we started out slow, It was only until I got into the flow; And I’ve certainly tried my best, Putting you both to the test. Now one of you is broken, So I’m taking you both out as a token Of my gratitude and faith. That this operation will help me rise above, So I can return to what I love.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Every day I confronted fear: fear of never being a professional athlete again, fear of never doing what I loved, fear of my recovery process, fear of being in pain forever, fear of having to compromise my dreams or who I was as a person. Fear consumed me, swallowing me up. So, I started writing out my frustrations, giving them the space they deserved, and then I would flip back to my affirmations and start reading. Slowly, as I read through the list, I started to find my strength again. I would read that final affirmation a couple of times, take a deep breath, and carry that belief with me throughout the day, or at least the next hour, when I needed to be reminded again of my worth and purpose.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“pushing through or ignoring uncomfortable emotions only made them worse or manifested them in bigger, uglier ways. I wasn’t going to pretend the negative thoughts weren’t there. I wanted to understand them, be compassionate with myself, and find a way to heal.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“You are exceptional in everything you do. That’s part of you. It’s ingrained in your DNA. You are going to try your best at everything you do. Accepting yourself as you are isn’t going to change that. It’s only going to help you get out of your own way. Accepting yourself for the light and fire that you have only can make the fire grow more. What you are doing with self-doubt, and tricking yourself into not believing in your own power, is stifling that flame, depriving it of oxygen so it can only grow so big. Self-acceptance, believing that you are indeed perfect—and I use that word purposefully…I’ll say it again, that you are perfect—as you are, is the only real way to self-enlightenment. You won’t forget to work hard and strive for your best, because that’s innate within you. That’s who you are.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Although I was committed to going back, waves of fear crashed over me, causing doubt. I wondered if this was the fear I needed to push through or the fear I needed to listen to, the kind of fear that was telling me to stay away for good reason. I wondered if it was my gut, that inner voice I had learned to listen to, telling me to steer clear to keep myself out of danger. Or was it something else? Was it fear of past trauma causing a reactionary resistance to revisiting a place that nearly killed me? It was hard to tell the difference, honestly. The feelings felt so similar.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“Despite these setbacks, hesitations, and frustration, I kept going. Matt, Dane, Brian, and all the PTs and owners at Revo became my extended family. We all worked together, invested in each other’s success. I was there every day at first, and then twice a day. The gym kept me motivated and gave me purpose. It felt like my home. I even joked with the guys, like I lived there.”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back

“The valuable process of being vulnerable not only let me connect with others, but also grew my belief in myself. Early in the healing process most days still felt impossible, and I often had the urge to give up. But, gradually, I started to lean into my vulnerability. Even on the days when I didn’t want to keep going—especially on those days—I still got out of bed, tucked my journal and wallet in my basket, and found a way to get out the door”
― Hillary Allen, Out and Back