J.S. Mason > Quotes

“He threw caution to the wind. Caution was not too fond of the wind and would later seek revenge on him for this treacherous debauchery.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“The only thing you should feel entitled to is gratitude.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“His mentality was dressed up as a moral code, but when naked, was simply a preference.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“Get your head out of your ass, you already reek of hypocrisy, so why add notes to the fragrance?”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“The hummingbird realized that this was a psychological tightrope that he had to navigate carefully, so he did it sideways because this was the only way he could move when perched”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“like two single people playing cat and mouse for way too long, where the cheese has long since expired for the mouse and the mouse is way too malnourished for the cat.”
― J.S. Mason, The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“He remembered that he did have one thing going for him – his memory.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“My genetics have been in my family for generations.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“vanilla, chocolate, strawberry (for some unfair reason according to strawberry it is always third in that list)”
― J.S. Mason, A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“The groomer wasn’t provided any dental care or skin care and that’s the truth. Just ask his dentdermatautologist, he’ll tell you.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“Even the perfume-free fragrance in your delightful bubble bath you were taking was from one of my first collections, Eau de Water”
― J.S. Mason, A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“outside the watchmaker shop. It was sandwiched between a deli and a bakery and only time would tell if a condiment store would strap on in its place.”
― J.S. Mason, Whisky Hernandez

“The bitter tasted like the truth, the sweet tasted like a lie.”
― J.S. Mason, The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“I’d say he’s about 5’12,” Sebastian said.
“That’s 6’,” Whisky said.
“Yeah, same thing.”
― J.S. Mason, Whisky Hernandez

“I only like to coat things with the truth, that’s the only apparel things need these days.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“like a blustered Bostonian sheep blubbering about being sheared at the ba ba”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“I’d normally spare you the details, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of writing a story.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“Sifting with a sifter, artifacts after artifacts after artifiction that was ruled out as planted by some teenagers that were trying to pepper the site with pepper shakers that were from millennia ago, failing to take into account that those items were created less than 200 years ago.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“Many items the skunk had were of the highest quality including bathroom vanities and hand and paw washing areas constructed by Finland’s well-known designer, Helsinki.”
― J.S. Mason, A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“which is why mimes are rarely invited to birthday parties, as the gifts they gave were usually invisible boxes.”
― J.S. Mason, A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“like someone who obsessively collects paintings of hoarders”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“And to make matters worse, the two deer shining the lanterns inside the ambulance’s headlights were tired and explained through an intercom system that would not be working again until the morning.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“The mummy felt betrayed, like when a spouse agrees on a movie you decided to watch only to put on a different movie as you go to the bathroom, having to sit through the whole movie and not argue about it because it’s not worth fighting over, just boiling up inside and remembering it for later when they want their coffee with half-and-half, knowing that you put 2-percent milk in there and they won’t know, but you will.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“Claudette looked to the ground like an embarrassed sheep who had been informed that it was frequently used as a description for timidity.”
― J.S. Mason, Whisky Hernandez

“new performance ongoing where pages of a dictionary are ripped out and thrown on the stage floor, it’s a play on words with the title of the show being ‘Pun’.”
― J.S. Mason, A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“After all, what was school for, but to strain your eyes in order to decipher what a doctor had said, which was a question you should especially ask if the prescriptions were from an optometrist that questioned the legitimacy of his teachings.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“He touched the wall and the paint was cold so it probably needed another coat.”
― J.S. Mason, The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“Her guts told her that something was amiss. Alexandra only spoke to her intestines once in a while, so she wasn’t sure if they were to be trusted.”
― J.S. Mason, The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“as he buzzed his wings with excitement, eyeing and eyeyanging the containers more closely, which he always did when looking at anything because he used both the dark and light part of his eyes to see.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“which when compounded with the straw he was using to take intermittent sips with from his drink, conjured up an image of him as a real-life toy heat engine drinking bird that appears in science classes.”
― J.S. Mason, Whisky Hernandez