Caroline Foster > Quotes

“Enablers are the people who support and defend the narcissist. Narcissists recruit enablers to their side. Enablers are usually called “flying monkeys”, and they enable the narcissist by tolerating their behavior or saving them from the catastrophes they create in their lives. These are the people who say, “She’s your mother; you need to forgive her.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Just because we have parents, it doesn’t mean we should have relationships with them. When we become adults, we get to choose who is a part of our lives and who is not.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“They just have to make you feel bad about yourself because they have a wound within themselves. They have shame within themselves, and so to suppress that, they try to throw that shame on you.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“If you don’t do enough, you’re going to be ashamed. If you do too much, you’re going to feel guilty.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Narcissists view others as an extension of themselves. They see people as their mirror image. If you are smart and beautiful and clever, they are attracted to you and idealize you. But as soon as you disagree with them or do something that they don’t want you to do, they become quickly disappointed and often try to put you down.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Narcissistic mothers compete with their kids from the minute they are born. If someone pays more attention to the child than to her, then she resents the child.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“If a parent like this raises you, it’s easy to see why you turn into a classic people-pleaser when you become an adult. You grow up thinking that all love is conditional”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“El narcisista es un maestro de la manipulación. Algunos narcisistas son expertos en interpretar el papel de víctima. Si pueden contarte historias trágicas, fracasos, desgracias y exagerar el sufrimiento que experimentan y manipular tu empatía, entonces seguirás siendo su salvador y rescatista por siempre.”
― Caroline Foster, Madres Narcisistas: Cómo lidiar con una madre narcisista y recuperarse del TEPT-C

“What should you pay attention to? NPD is technically known as a Cluster B personality disorder.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Adult children of narcissistic parents are often plagued with so much guilt and a sense of deep obligation and shame that they feel duty-bound to keep whatever happened in the family secret, even when it is shredding their lives.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“These parents take no responsibility for themselves nor their actions. If the child feels abused, then it’s the child’s fault for being “overly sensitive.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“You sit in the cage and feel helpless and hopeless, like you can't get out. That learned helplessness makes you not even try to escape. You sit in the corner and keep accepting it. But one day, something happens: you stand up, have this new sense of courage, and you make a run for it, realizing that you just passed right through those bars. They weren’t even real; it was just a hologram, an image, a cage that didn’t really exist.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“The scapegoat is a role narcissistic mothers assign to the most outspoken, extremely intuitive children who are the first to notice a problem. Since scapegoats are the whistleblowers, they are often accused of being liars, mentally ill, or exaggerating. Of course, outsiders who aren’t aware of the narcissistic parent’s tactics to control the family will believe in that. Therefore, scapegoats often feel rejected, isolated, and alone, as if they don’t belong anywhere.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“For example, if you have siblings, your narcissistic parent will try to make you not like each other. Moreover, narcissistic parents tend to have a favorite called “the golden child” to get a positive narcissistic supply and a “scapegoat child” to get a negative supply.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“One of the core strategies the narcissist uses is invalidation. When you acknowledge someone’s point of view, you validate them. You don’t necessarily have to agree with them, but it means that you welcome diverse viewpoints. Narcissists never validate. For example, they may bring something unrelated into conversations that will get other people’s minds stuck - hereby taking the problem off their shoulders.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Cluster B. People in this cluster often struggle to regulate their feelings, are over-emotional, erratic, dramatic, and sometimes unpredictable. They also have impaired relationships, are incapable of intimacy, and find it difficult to maintain long-term relationships. People with a Cluster B personality disorder may also find it hard to understand themselves and have difficulties relating to others.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“La burla, la humillación pública y la crítica son herramientas que el narcisista usa para establecer el control.”
― Caroline Foster, Madres Narcisistas: Cómo lidiar con una madre narcisista y recuperarse del TEPT-C

“For this reason, most narcissists are domestic abusers.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“I'm imperfect and yet beautiful just the way I am.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“The problem for these men is that it’s easy for them to attract other narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and borderline women who end up destroying them. Adult children of enmeshed narcissistic mothers, both sons and daughters, feel hurt deep inside because they are like, “I’m doing everything I can, I’m the best version of myself, my mom raised me with the right values, and yet I keep getting my ass kicked. Why?” Now you know why.  So, the enmeshing mother may think in her mind that she’s doing the right thing, but she’s not; she is suffocating her children. A healthy relationship between a parent and a child has to come from respect and the giving of space. Children need to develop their own separate identity, and succeed in society. Healthy parents support that independence and separation.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“No contact is the best strategy for dealing with narcissists and their enablers.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“This book, also known as the Bible of Psychiatry, explains that to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) a person has to meet at least five of the following criteria: •​Has a grandiose sense of self-importance; for example, exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior. •​Has fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic love. •​Believes that they are “special” and should only associate with other “special” or high-status people or institutions. •​Requires excessive admiration. •​Has a sense of entitlement, that is, an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment, or automatic compliance with their wishes. •​Takes advantage of others to achieve their ends. •​Lacks empathy and is unwilling or unable to recognize other people’s feelings or needs. •​Is often envious of others and believes that others are envious in return. •​Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“Narcissists get their ego boost from tormenting, taunting, and punishing whoever is their chosen target. They gain control by getting an emotional reaction from others.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“These hidden wounds can be the result of a series of small but repetitive traumatic events which have silenced you and made you feel continually worthless, as if there’s something wrong with you and you are somehow damaged. This is the message you receive from growing up in dysfunctional families driven by a narcissistic parent. You get to the point where you can’t even think for yourself because you are over-reliant on the opinion of others. You are just suffering in silence and sometimes don’t even admit this to yourself.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“For example, they say, “If I didn’t have you, my life would be better.” It’s a form of emotional abuse, so it’s a red flag of narcissistic personality disorder.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD

“The main problem with experiencing narcissism from a mother is that you often feel unloved and unacknowledged.”
― Caroline Foster, Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD