Eddie Lancaster > Quotes

“When he checked in the mirror, he found that it wasn’t just the indent from the wall bracket that had caused the intrigue. He also had “Now wash your hands” written backwards across his forehead in red ink.”
― Eddie Lancaster, The Cheesy Dips

“As too the flavoured gin market grew, a liquor-infused with Sugar Puffs rolled in Harpic was fast becoming a possibility.”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback

“But as always, the roads were choked with cars carrying kids to school who couldn’t be expected to walk half a mile with three books and a sandwich box.”
― Eddie Lancaster, The Sardinian Job

“Never date a hairdresser, unless you want your heart broken,”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback

“I gift to you Chocolate Mint Angel’s Delight.”  Bernd picked up his cutlery and tentatively took a spoonful. It tasted the way it looked, like the by-product of an effluent leak at the elephant hospital.”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback

“She knew men like a good butcher knows bangers.”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback

“Jasper, as ever the eager foodie trendsetter, was enjoying a Haloumi Breakfast, which, if you’re not familiar with it, is a fairly industrial Greek cheese that has the texture of set silicone sealant and is entirely similar in taste.”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback

“God is never happier than when you’re blowing his candle.”
― Eddie Lancaster, Negative Feedback