Matthew Howry > Quotes

“[I’ve also removed your ability, and your need, to poop. Don't ask how, I'm somewhat ashamed of my solution. The lucky fellow who necessitated this change gets to keep his [Plague Lord] class, and he still gets to reap the benefits of the ongoing plague; but enough is enough. I remember well enough from last time not to make the mistake of taking away your precious ability to fart. I don’t need to deal with endless complaining on top of everything else.]”
― Matthew Howry, The Prince Has Been Outclassed

“No Dogs, find somewhere else." I looked at Cook, then back at the attendant. "What about cats?" I asked. "Cats are allowed," she said, giving me the 'you are a dumbass' look that's really popular with people these days. "Oh, great!" I said, then looked at Cook, "I unadopt you, get the hell out of here and go back to the shelter." Cook's ears went flat, he yelped in emotional anguish, his tail drooped, and he dramatically slunk out the front door, his belly dragging across the ground. Moments later, a small black cat rushed into the building and leapt at me, I caught him like we'd practiced it. The attendant's face went slack, like her brain had just shut off, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. "Oh my aren't you a cutie! A new cat, just what I always wanted!" I beamed at the attendant, then my face went flat. "How much for a room, I'm fucking exhausted.”
― Matthew Howry, The Death of Dirk Cooper