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“Civil servants have an extraordinary genius for wrapping up a simple idea to make it sound extremely complicated.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
― The Complete Yes Minister
“Mrs Hacker was the only woman present. They’d made her a sort of honorary man for the evening.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
― The Complete Yes Minister
“Sir Humphrey Appleby: The Foreign Office is pro-Europe because it’s really anti-Europe. The civil service was united in its desire to make sure that the Common Market didn’t work. That’s why we went into it. Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, French and Italians against the Germans, and the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it’s worked so well?
Jim Hacker: It’s all ancient history, surely.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn’t work. Now that we are inside, we can make a big pig’s breakfast of the whole thing! Set the Germans against the French, French against Italians, Italians against Dutch —The Foreign Office is terribly pleased! It’s just like old times!
Jim Hacker: Surely we are committed to the European ideal!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Really, Minister!
Jim Hacker: If not, why are we pressing for an increase in membership?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: For the same reason. It's just like the United Nations, in fact. The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up, the more futile and impotent it becomes.
Jim Hacker: What appalling cynicism!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
Jim Hacker: It’s all ancient history, surely.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn’t work. Now that we are inside, we can make a big pig’s breakfast of the whole thing! Set the Germans against the French, French against Italians, Italians against Dutch —The Foreign Office is terribly pleased! It’s just like old times!
Jim Hacker: Surely we are committed to the European ideal!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Really, Minister!
Jim Hacker: If not, why are we pressing for an increase in membership?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: For the same reason. It's just like the United Nations, in fact. The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up, the more futile and impotent it becomes.
Jim Hacker: What appalling cynicism!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
“He that would keep a secret must keep it secret that he hath a secret to keep.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
― The Complete Yes Minister
“If people stop having secrets they stop having power.”
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“It is the law of Inverse Relevance: the less you intend to do about something, the more you have to keep talking about it.”
― The Complete Yes Minister
― The Complete Yes Minister
“Though I thought there weren't any words any more, only fucking signifiers. And since texts have no objective univocal meaning, I feel sure that when I call you a bunch of moronic cunts you will be able to decode that sequence of sequential signifiers with the appropriate emancipated subjectivity.”
― Mayday
― Mayday
“So what's the problem?’
‘No problem. There's no problem. Don't ever say what's the problem, nthat's the negative way of looking at things, you know like is the bottle half empty or half full, know what I mean, every problem is also an opportunity, the question here is what opportunity does this present us with?’
‘It seems to me’, said Ernest stubbornly, ‘that this opportunity presents us with a problem. Is there a director that Virginia would like?”
― Mayday
‘No problem. There's no problem. Don't ever say what's the problem, nthat's the negative way of looking at things, you know like is the bottle half empty or half full, know what I mean, every problem is also an opportunity, the question here is what opportunity does this present us with?’
‘It seems to me’, said Ernest stubbornly, ‘that this opportunity presents us with a problem. Is there a director that Virginia would like?”
― Mayday
“I haven't got a gun you homicidal pillock!”
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“Well,’said Ernest, ‘by some strange coincidence I know this story.’
Boddichek was not good at irony. ‘I knew that there was that possibility,’ he said, ‘but we have a great new way to treat it, and I thought you might want to reread it before taking a meeting.’
‘Reread it?’ said Mayday. ‘We are talking about Cinderella, and the wicked stepmother and the Ugly Sisters and Buttons the page and the Fairy Godmother, "Cinders, you shall go to the ball but be sure you're home by midnight or you'll turn into pumpkin"?’
‘Hey, you know it pretty well,’ said young Casey with admiration in his voice. ‘But I've found a new directionality for this story.’
‘Do you mean direction?’ asked Mayday.
‘I guess I do.’
‘Then’, snapped Mayday, ‘why don't you fucking say so?”
― Mayday
Boddichek was not good at irony. ‘I knew that there was that possibility,’ he said, ‘but we have a great new way to treat it, and I thought you might want to reread it before taking a meeting.’
‘Reread it?’ said Mayday. ‘We are talking about Cinderella, and the wicked stepmother and the Ugly Sisters and Buttons the page and the Fairy Godmother, "Cinders, you shall go to the ball but be sure you're home by midnight or you'll turn into pumpkin"?’
‘Hey, you know it pretty well,’ said young Casey with admiration in his voice. ‘But I've found a new directionality for this story.’
‘Do you mean direction?’ asked Mayday.
‘I guess I do.’
‘Then’, snapped Mayday, ‘why don't you fucking say so?”
― Mayday
“It's a matter of life after death, now that he's dead I have a life.”
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“I have always been careful of people who say they are behind me because that’s where you need to be if you are going to stab them in the back.”
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“They all behaved as if they were absolutely disgusted by this, and amid the ribbing and hilarity that this elaborate performance of disgust and envy produced they were able to hide their true feelings of disgust and envy.”
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