Gordon Korman > Quotes

“Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.”
― Gordon Korman

“I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker."
-Dan Cahill”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill....
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.”
― Gordon Korman, No More Dead Dogs

“For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
"Funny name for an aircraft," Grace commented. "Is it after your wife?"
"My gun."
Grace stared at him. "You named your plane after a gun?"
"It was a very good gun.”
― Gordon Korman, Vespers Rising

“No fair! Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“Why can't you just lie and cheat like the others?" Dan snapped. "Can't you just see that's better than being nice one minute and then turning around and selling us out? It may be very Cahill, but it stinks! Grace had a saying: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'll conk you with this pet carrier!”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“Ian Kabra rolled up his window. "My god, what's that smell?"
Behind the wheel, Sinead laughed. "It's called fresh air. Growing up in London, you've probably never breathed it before."
"And I hope I never breathe it again.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“The au pair was bug-eyed. "What happened back there?"
"It's not our fault!" Dan babbled. "Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!"
"They're Benedictine monks!" Nellie exclaimed. "They're men of peace! Most of them are under vows of silence!"
"Yeah, well, not anymore," Dan told her. "They cursed us out pretty good. I don't know the language, but some things you don't have to translate.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Nellie grinned. "I always wanted to go to Venice. It's supposed to be the romance capital of the world."
"Sweet," put in Dan. "Too bad your date is an Egyptian Mau on a hunger strike."
The au pair sighed. "Better than an eleven-year-old with a big mouth.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!"
"Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“What does it feel like to get shot?"
"I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Sinead broke in. "The cops need to know what to do with Evan, Amy. What should I tell them?"
"Shoot to kill?" Ian suggested.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“For someone who's smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Who's Evan?" Ian asked.
"Amy's boyfriend!"
"Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend?" Ian probed.
"Since none of your business!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Who's that new guy with the snooty accent who came out and talked to the police?" Evan persisted. "He looks like some kind of male model."
"That's just my cousin Ian," Amy explained.
"Not much of a family resemblance," Evan noted sourly.
"He's like a twenty-fifth cousin, ten times removed."
Evan was not satisfied.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Dan instantly recognized the angry scratch that stretched from the corner of Ian's eye all the way along the olive skin to his chin. "Have you been messing with Saladin?"
"No. Saladin has been messing with me," Ian shot back.
"He isn't big on Lucians," Dan explained. "Animals are really good judges of character.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“The phone rang in the comm. center. Ian consulted the monitor. "It's Dan." He pressed a button. "Kabra here."
Dan's voice crackled through the attic. "Don't say it like that," he complained. "Your name still gives me heartburn.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“You don't get Billie Joe Armstrong's autograph on your forehead without following your instincts.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“Ow!"
"Hold still," Sinead ordered. "And don't be such a baby." She dabbed at the angry red mark behind Ian's ear. "Cat scratches are prone to infection, you know."
"And that's my fault?" Ian raged. "Why don't you lock that animal in the cellar? Or, better still, send him to a violen string factory! Ow! What is this stuff–acid?"
"My own concoction," she replied cheerfully. "Amy and I use it on our blisters when we do marathon training. Soothing, right?"
"They practice this kind of soothing in the Lucian stronghold–during interrogations.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Amy turned to Nellie. "Can you create a diversion to draw the clerk outside?"
The au pair was wary. "What kind of diversion?"
"You could pretend to be lost," Dan proposed. "The guy comes out to give you directions, and we slip inside."
"That's the most sexist idea I've ever heard," Nellie said harshly. "I'm female, so I have to be clueless. He's male, so he's got a great sense of direction."
"Maybe you're from out of town," Dan suggested. "Wait–you are from out of town."
Nellie stashed their bags under a bench and set Saladin on the seat with a stern "You're the watchcat. Anybody touches those bags, unleash your inner tiger."
The Egyptian Mau surveyed the street uncertainly. "Mrrp."
Nellie sighed. "Lucky for us there's no one around. Okay, I'm going in there. Be ready."
The clerk said something to her–probably May I help you? She smiled apologetically. "I don't speak Italian."
"Ah–you are American." His accent was heavy, but he seemed eager to please. "I will assist you." He took in her black nail polish and nose ring. "Punk, perhaps, is your enjoyment?"
"More like a punk/reggae fusion," Nellie replied thoughtfully. "With a country feel. And operatic vocals."
The clerk stared in perplexity.
Nellie began to tour the aisles, pulling out CDs left and right. "Ah–Artic Monkeys–that's what I'm talking about. And some Bad Brains–from the eighties. Foo Fighters–I'll need a couple from those guys. And don't forget Linkin Park..."
He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.”
― Gordon Korman, Schooled

“Nobody got me out," Nellie replied. "They just let me go. They think I'm a deranged Jonah Wizard fan. Apparently, the hotel's full of them. A couple of idiots actually jumped off the front balcony. Can you picture that?"
"In Technicolor," Amy said bitterly.
"That low-down KGB reject!" Dan fumed. "I can't believe she cheated me–right when I was in the middle of cheating her!”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“This is an awful thing that’s happened to you, but it’s also presenting you with a rare opportunity. You have the chance to rebuild yourself from the ground up, to make a completely fresh start.”
― Gordon Korman, Restart

“Hamilton had a complaint. "Why did you have to tell the cops I'm your boyfriend? That's gross, Amy. We're related!"
Amy was disgusted. "We had a common ancestor, like, five hundred years ago. Besides, if they think we're together, we only have to come up with one story, and I can do all the talking."
"Hey, I got an early acceptance to Notre Dame," Hamilton said defensively. "I can talk."
"Of course you can," Amy soothed. "It's what you say that might get us into trouble.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot