Russell A. Barkley > Quotes

“The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways”
― Russel Barkley

“Paradoxically, without self-control you can't be free.”
― Russell Barkley

“Over time both parents and child figure out that the more quickly they get enraged and threatening, the more quickly they get what they want—the parents get obedience or the child gets a reprieve from a command. When this process goes unchecked over many months, it can lead to confrontations that end in parents physically abusing their children or the children destroying property, attacking the parents, holding their breath until blue, banging their head against a floor or wall, or hurting themselves in other ways. This is how “No!” escalates into violence in some families.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior

“Without self-control, we wind up in places we didn’t really want to be,”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“In fact, the more you learn about the nature of defiance in children, the less you’ll view it as “something wrong with your child” and the more you’ll see it as a difficult situation or pattern of interactions with highly workable solutions. I trust you’ll finish this chapter with new hope that you can meet this challenge and restore the loving relationship with your child that you both deserve, and that this problem does not have to stand in the way of your child’s achieving a happy, healthy adulthood.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior

“That’s what I mean by self-control: the ability to choose something other than your initial impulse so you can get something in the future that you want more or that is better for your long-term welfare and happiness.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Self-control, or better yet, self-regulation, allows us to monitor our own actions, stop ourselves as needed, contemplate our possible actions, and then choose the wisest course of action to get the best possible outcome in the future.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Rather, I believe it is a fundamental deficiency in self-regulation generally and executive functioning specifically—the ability to look toward the future and to control one’s behavior based on that foresight.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents

“Self-control is defined in psychology as any response, or chain of responses, that we direct at ourselves that leads us to change our own behavior instead of just acting on impulse so that we can change what will happen in the future. It is action directed at the self to change that likely future.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Self-awareness ✓ Inhibition ✓ Nonverbal working memory ✓ Verbal working memory ✓ Emotion regulation ✓ Self-motivation”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“What is not developing properly in your child is the capacity to shift from focusing on the here and now to focusing on what is likely to come next in life and the future more generally.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents

“MotivAider,”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Be proactive.” Far too often we react to our children’s behavior, often on impulse, without regard for the consequences and with no plan for what we are trying to achieve. In those instances we are being acted on and not consciously choosing to act. Seeing a situation from”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents

“Emotion is so powerful that it’s as if it has an electric charge that is transferred to those around us.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“What is most important to understand about children with ADHD is not simply that they move about too much, it is that they react or behave too much. They are much more likely to respond to the things around them in any situation than are children without ADHD of the same age. Their behavior occurs too quickly, too forcefully, and too easily in situations where other children would be more inhibited.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents

“Notice that the initial pause and even making a “do list” of issues are self-directed actions that lead to a change in what Len is likely to do next.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Oppositional, defiant children . . . Change from content to angry in seconds. Fight the inevitable, such as going to bed, going to school, or coming to the table at mealtimes, even when they know that eventually they’ll be forced to comply. Insist on having their own way when playing with friends. Argue as vociferously about performing the little tasks as the big ones, as long as it’s something they don’t want to do. May lie or cheat to escape responsibility for their actions. Like to “get back at” people instead of forgetting about minor slights. Are easily irritated. May seem hostile toward particular people for no obvious reason. Ignore commands. Deliberately disobey their parents and sometimes other adults. Break rules indiscriminately. Verbally refuse to follow instructions. Badger, annoy, or taunt people, sometimes apparently for fun. Interrupt others’ play. Seem to have a chip on their shoulder. Can’t control their temper as well as other children of their age. Often break or destroy things out of anger. May indulge in self-destructive behavior such as holding their breath or banging their head. Show little respect or regard for their parents, especially Mom.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior

“Taking Charge of ADHD.”
― Russell A. Barkley, 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD

“Problemem w ADD nie jest wiedza o tym, co robić, tylko robienie tego, co wiesz.”
― Russell A. Barkley

“We then start to adjust our next response based on the actual consequences of what we do. All animal species do this, because if they don’t, they won’t survive for very long as adults.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“When one member of a couple has ADHD, the balance of work in the household can end up askew, hurt feelings can result from apparent insensitivity or lack of interest in the other person, and intimacy can be threatened by poorly regulated emotion.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“you don’t deliberate over all the possible options available before making that snap decision.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Remember that whenever you put a time limit on anything for your child with ADHD you are disabling the child.”
― Russell A. Barkley PhD ABPP ABCN, 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD

“Rule 1: Stop the Action! Buy some time before you respond. Rule 2: See the Past … and Then the Future See what’s coming. Rule 3: Say the Past … and Then the Future Analyze before deciding; develop rules for the future. Rule 4: Externalize Key Information Rely on something besides your memory. Rule 5: Feel the Future Stay motivated. Rule 6: Break It Down … and Make It Matter Bring the future a lot closer. Rule 7: Make Problems External, Physical, and Manual Simplify problem solving. Rule 8: Have a Sense of Humor! Accept your imperfections and get on with your life.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“and your child.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents

“To put it simply, you and other adults with ADHD are blind to time”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“Do I have a consequence planned? Should I make a smaller”
― Russell A. Barkley, Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship

“Because they have so little self-control, children and teens with ADHD often require more “other control.” Others have to step in to help manage their behavior when they seem unable to do so on their own as might be expected for a child their age.”
― Russell A. Barkley PhD ABPP ABCN, 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD

“The barbs usually start flying at adults who seem ruled by whatever is going on around them, who need other adults to do their thinking for them, who don’t think ahead, and who have no patience”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships

“More and more as we mature, we find the big prize at the end of the long haul to be worth waiting and working for and so turn away from the small seductions and rewards of the moment to work for those much bigger rewards.”
― Russell A. Barkley, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD: Proven Strategies to Succeed at Work, at Home, and in Relationships