Tori Dunlap > Quotes

“We live in a patriarchal world—a system that aids and abets inequality. In this system that has gatekept financial information and tools from marginalized groups, it is an act of protest to be financially independent. It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy's Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love

“When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want, what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Recent research looked at three hundred financial “how-to” articles and found that 90 percent of the pieces aimed at women were centered around saving money. Two-thirds of the articles reviewed labeled women as excessive spenders. Advice for men: “Here are five hot stocks right now.” Advice for women: “Here are five dinners you can make for under $5.” The solution is always to clip coupons, spend less (or not at all), and budget meticulously. Track every fucking penny. Deprivation is the answer. Even in the twenty-first century, this is the narrative: Men, build wealth by making strategic, long-term financial decisions that actually make a difference. Women, that Dior purse ain’t it, you cow.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“money provide you with your basic human needs such as safety and healthy food, but also it gives you the ability to rest, to nourish your body and mind, and to leave bad situations. Money can buy stability and choice, and that is happiness.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“One of the most common scripts in America is “I should buy a house.” Your house is the American Dream! It’s a bullshit dream propagated by the National Association of Realtors, which is an organization that you’ll find in hell.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Charles Bukowski: “When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want, what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Men, build wealth by making strategic, long-term financial decisions that actually make a difference. Women, that Dior purse ain’t it, you cow.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“In this system that has gatekept financial information and tools from marginalized groups, it is an act of protest to be financially independent. It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Shame convinces us to judge ourselves through a lens of perfection and conformity because it talks to us in the first person—I, me, my, mine, myself—and speaks in our voice. But when you confuse shame’s emotional alarm (I feel disconnected from money, what do I want to do about that?) with who you are (I’ll never get my shit together, I’m just bad with money), you’ve been tricked into believing the discomfort you feel is evidence that you’re failing. Let me be clear: The pain of rejection is real. The physical and emotional toll that widespread social rejection (marginalization) has on us is real. Shame is a powerful motivator, an evolutionary form of protection, and nothing to be embarrassed about feeling. (Ask me about the shame we feel about being ashamed; it’s a meta mess.) But! And! You don’t have to subject yourself to shame’s private torture. You are not alone. Perfection does not exist, and conformity is not an admirable goal. You deserve to be seen, supported, and connected while you outgrow your lack of knowledge and learn from your mistakes.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Because not only does money provide you with your basic human needs such as safety and healthy food, but also it gives you the ability to rest, to nourish your body and mind, and to leave bad situations. Money can buy stability and choice, and that is happiness.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“money expert Paula Pant explained it like this: Women are taught that our labor should be free (or labor should be poorly compensated) and that there’s somehow nobility in that. If we do have to justify charging people, we often have to explain how it will not just help ourselves but help others. I can’t make a statement such as “I charge X” without also saying, “I charge X in order to give my employees a better wage.” Women’s earnings have to come with an explanation. I think this messaging, in terms of how we earn, also gets translated into how we spend. Whatever money we make, we’re supposed to spend it on other people. Even if you bought the fanciest stroller, no one is going to call that frivolous because you’re at least buying it for someone else. However, if you buy a pair of jeans, that’s somehow different.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Beginning in childhood, boys are typically given toys that teach innovation, creativity, and self-reliance—things like Legos and trucks, things to build and create. And what are girls given? Dolls. Easy-Bake Ovens. Bridal veils. Before we can even speak, we’re told that our value to society is not our own ingenuity but rather how we can serve and belong to others. A literal child is given another “child” to caretake. In a study about children’s toys, psychology professor Judith Elaine Blakemore found that “girls’ toys were associated with physical attractiveness, nurturing, and domestic skill, whereas boys’ toys were rated as violent, competitive, exciting, and somewhat dangerous. The toys rated as most likely to be educational were typically categorized as neutral or moderately masculine.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“So”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“But when you confuse shames emotional alarm (I feel disconnected from money, what do I want to do about that?) with who you are (I’ll never get my shit together, I’m just bad with money), you’ve been tricked into believing the discomfort you feel is evidence that you’re failing.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy's Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love

“The Financial Priority List Starter emergency fund (three months of living expenses in a high-yield savings account). 1.5.  If your employer matches your contributions to a 401(k) or 403(b) retirement savings account, pay in as much as you can. Pay down high-interest debt (anything with interest over 7 percent). Invest for retirement while also paying off lower-cost debt (again, any debt racking up less than 7 percent in interest, such as most student and car loans, mortgages, and so forth). Save for the Big Life Stuff.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“And the key to healthy spending? Mindfulness. You work so fucking hard for your money, and I want it to give you the best return on investment (ROI) possible. I want you to be so in love with your purchases and your spending decisions. I want you to use money as the tool it was intended to be, to give you a life you love. You don’t have to stop spending money. You just need to stop spending money on shit you don’t care about.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Self-care, on the other hand, is the hard shit: the habits that must be repeated consistently over time in order to see change. It’s the thing that Present You does, often begrudgingly, in order for Future You to feel better.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Another invisible script with regard to money is “I can’t earn more.” This is the classic puritanical, frugal-oriented American ethic, which says, “I have what I have, there’s no way to get more, and therefore I’m going to fight anyone who tries to take it away.” You’ll typically find people in this camp who are extremely angry and resistant to any sort of taxation. Why? That is one of the most scarcity-minded beliefs you can possibly have! “Oh, every dollar you take away in taxes is one less dollar I will have.” A more abundant approach would be “I’m part of a community, I’m happy to pay my taxes, and I could just earn more money,” which is exactly what I do.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“The patriarchy says we’re wasting money on makeup and nice clothes, then tells us we look “tired” or “unprofessional” when we don’t.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“If you don’t name your emotions and feel them”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“The reason you’re not rich has nothing to do with the lattes. As we know from the last chapter, it has to do with systemic oppression, lack of education, our economy’s devaluation of certain kinds of labor, and societal narratives about what we can or cannot do.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Being a Black woman who’s achieved FI means that I can tell the truth. What the world needs now are more truth tellers. I can afford to be honest about how fucked up things are and what people need to do. When I was dependent on an institution, I couldn’t be honest, and I couldn’t just leave if something wasn’t working for me. Now I get to be the speaker who walks into these same companies and says, “It’s pretty fucked up that you don’t have any Black leadership.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“woman’s ability to earn money is better protection against the tyranny and brutality of men than her ability to vote.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Inherently, money is not valuable. I don’t want a photo of Ben Franklin on a stack of some government-issued paper. I want choices. I want what money can buy me. For millions of American women, the dream of wealth is a dream of freedom, because it’s money that provides us with options when our government and society fail to.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“When I started building my own wealth, when my business grew to six figures and then seven figures, when I paid off my debt . . . I felt ashamed. Sometimes that shame was internally induced: I would feel ashamed that I wasn’t struggling when so many others were, ashamed that being financially comfortable must mean I wasn’t donating enough. That internal shame was the result of our culture’s messaging about women with money, but the trolls that swarmed my social media mentions, making assumptions about my story, just reinforced that I was supposed to feel ashamed for having money.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Not talking about money means we don’t know that our coworker with the same experience is making 20 percent more.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Studies about our brains “on poverty” show that lack of resources negatively affect our cognition, stress levels, and decision-making. Recently, a landmark study even suggested that giving poor mothers a cash stipend during the first year of their babies’ lives literally improves their children’s cognitive development. And we know from research that higher incomes are correlated with higher well-being (there’s debate around the threshold this stops, but the point still stands).”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“Traditional 401(K) or 403(B) Account Typically offered by your employer, a 401(k) account allows you to invest a percentage of your wages for retirement. A 403(b) is the public sector’s equivalent to a 401(k). Investing through a 401(k) or 403(b) is one of the most advantageous ways to invest, since the government is giving you tax breaks. Your employer will sometimes match what you contribute, up to a certain percent. (FreE mONaY!) Remember from our Financial Game Plan that this is the trump card: if you have an employer match, take advantage of it. Maximum yearly contribution: $20,500, which means you can contribute any amount up to that limit. This does not include any employer match, so go crazy. (This and all other retirement account maximums are current for the 2022 tax year.) Individual Retirement Account (IRA) This is an individual retirement account, meaning it’s not tied to your employer. You have to open it up on your own, and it’s yours forever. Good news: you can have both a 401(k) and an IRA! Maximum yearly contribution: $6,000. You technically have fifteen and a half months to contribute that $6,000. The government lets you put money in your IRA during the twelve months of that year, plus the first months of the following year leading up to the tax filing deadline. A little confusing, but stay with me: if you want to contribute to your IRA in 2023, you will have from January to December 2023, plus January to April 15, 2024, to hit that $6,000 max. So, let’s say that you’re rounding out the year of contributions at $4,500. That means you have another three-ish months to get the full $6,000! More time, yay! If we’re already in the new year, and you want the money to specifically go to the previous year’s IRA, you simply need to specify that when you contribute. It’s usually as easy as checking a “previous year” box. Let’s talk about the most common retirement accounts. In addition to the differences above, 401(k) and IRA accounts come in two flavors: traditional and Roth. The main difference between these accounts is in how they’re taxed. In traditional accounts, you won’t pay any taxes on this money until you withdraw it at retirement. You get the tax benefits now. Roth accounts require tax payments now, so you don’t have to pay them later. You get the tax benefits later. In some cases, you can make both traditional and Roth contributions into the same account.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy

“general sentiment may be true: buying things is not where you should turn for contentment. But at its core, the statement is false. It’s meant to keep you powerless, unpaid, overworked, and financially unstable. Anxiety regarding money-related issues has been at or near the top of the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America survey every year since it began in 2007.”
― Tori Dunlap, Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy’s Bullsh*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love—A Personal Finance Handbook for Women, Mindful Spending, and Financial Literacy