Valerios > Quotes

“Fists and stones will certainly break your bones,”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 6

“QUADRUPLE SUPERNOVA!”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 5

“An easy problem. Tom Boney, from this moment forth, we rebel, and we are founding our own kingdom where I am king and you are the… vice-king. From now on, this tower belongs to the Kingdom of Shoemakery and Undeathly Shenanigans.”
― Valerios, The Wrath of Jerry

“Each inhalation sent his body into ecstasy, awoke the animal inside him, and made him feel like home.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 3

“and he had hints of a six-pack.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery

“plethora”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 6

“sharp screech, disappeared into the”
― Valerios, What the Shell!?

“am a stone, but you can call me The Stone.” Jack felt irritation welling up inside him. He expected something more… treasure-y. “And what do you do?” “Fine, you?” “I mean, what is your function?” The Stone, if possible, looked offended. “What is your function?” it shot back. “You objectivist freak.” Jack sighed. “Listen. I have all the good will to cooperate. Can you please explain what you are, besides The Stone, so we can get on with our lives?” “Hmph! Well, if I have to,” The Stone replied. “I am a sentient piece of stone. A woman with a harsh voice found me on the asteroid where I’d lived for a long time—pretty boring, if you ask me. It’s where I learned to talk with myself. Not much else to do, you see. The other rocks weren’t the best conversationalists—all they did was scratch the ground as they rolled.” “Okay… And what did that woman do with you?” “Asked me bizarre questions, mostly. Like, how I can speak. What a silly concept. How am I supposed to know? How can you speak, do you know?” “I do, actually. I’m a biologist. I can describe the exact process.” “Really? That sounds interesting. Go ahead, I’m keeping notes.” “Where?” “In my mind.” Jack could already feel the approaching headache. “So you don’t know why you can speak, where you learned the language, or how you found yourself on that asteroid where you spent a ton of time,” he said. “You don’t remember anything before that. Right?” “…Well, yeah, but I would have used more words. Why are you in such a rush? Talk to me, I’m lonely!” “You know what? I sympathize, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now. How about I put you in my space ring for a bit, and we can discuss again later.” “Okay. Can you put someone else in there as well to keep me company?” “Not really. Sentient beings can’t go inside space rings.” “But I can.” “Yeah, and I have no idea why. I promise I’ll get you out later, okay?” “Okay!” Jack stuffed The Stone back into the space ring, then sighed. This was so much trouble. How was he duped into adopting a talking stone?”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 5

“There is no I can’t, only I don’t want to,” Brock helpfully added. “Thanks, Brock. I never realized the only thing standing between me and everything I have ever dreamed of was my secret desire to fail.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 4

“It was impossible not to feel envy or bitterness—but the good bro is one who understands and hugs these emotions until they go away.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery 4

“If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white, goodnight.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery

“This man was bald with plain features, donned elegant yellow clothes, and wore a red cape.”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery

“cut the cheese”
― Valerios, Road to Mastery