Scarlett Drake > Quotes

“I’d been telling the truth when I told him he’d saved me over and over again; because if Jude could love me, Jude who was perfect, Jude who was the sun, then it meant I was worth loving.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“These walls and the two men inside had swallowed me whole once before, so when I emerged from the belly of the beast, I staggered into the world blinking and raw. This time, though, I have come armed. This time, I’ve come with sharp edges, blades, and a warrior’s hardened heart, and I’ll cut myself free without a moment’s hesitation”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“But him…well, he was my inevitability. He was when it started. When everything else ended. Everything I was before. He was the moon and the stars and everything in-between and all I wanted to do was worship at his feet. The band, my girlfriend, my dad, everything that I thought was important to me, just ceased to exist the moment I first saw him. I’m not proud of that. But it’s what it was. There was before him and after him, two sides, and I am two completely separate people on each.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“No matter who or what I came to him as, he'd loved me. Every version of me. And I felt like myself only when he saw me. He looked at me the same way he looked at the world, with warmth and wonder and curiosity.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“Caspien was an altarpiece, Deveraux his reredos, and I came to him in blind idolatry.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“I love you. I don’t want to remember a time when I didn’t. I love you. And as long as I am able to draw breath, then I will love you with every single one. I love you.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“Do you hate me?" I asked.
He frowned and shifted forward, closer, and held open his arms. I went into them and let him hold me.
"You know I don't. Jude, sometimes you're so fucking childlike, it scares me a little." He said, "I think I hate the person who hurt you, but then I remember that he was a child too.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“You’re everywhere: in my head and my dreams, and I’m not sure what it all means.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“I draw my eyes over his face, eyes, cheek, nose, lips, chin. Every part of him is flawless. Like a painting or a sculpture. I saw Michelangelo’s David once and I think Lee Jaehyun is more beautiful than that slab of perfectly-shaped marble.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“What did it mean that the first moment I saw him everything inside me changed color and flavor, while he didn’t even remember it?”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“What on earth was wrong with me that I wasn't satisfied with this? Here was a man holding me to his chest and telling me my comfort was important to him, my feelings were important to him and yet my fucking soul ached for someone who'd thought nothing of either.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“I miss you," he whispered, so softly it felt like an exhale.
I froze, unable to breathe or move, pinned there by the hint of desperation in his voice. If I hadn't watched his mouth move, I'd have assumed I imagined it.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“„I don’t go out much, Porzia, for this reason.“
„Well, no. You don’t go out much because you’re an angry little duckling who hates people and all you do is sleep, eat and dance. Fashion has nothing to do with it.”
― Scarlett Drake, Limerence

“I love you too,” I whisper to no one. “In another life I would have chosen you.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“You don't need to act like this, you know," I said calmly, though my heart was thundering behind my ribs. "Like nothing means anything or like everything's a joke. You don't need to act like that with me.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“I’m not gay, I know I’m not.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“How had I gone from loathing his every molecule to hanging on his every word? How had I gone from plotting his murder to dreaming about the scent of his skin and the shape of his hands? The wanting of him had grown so immense that it had the power to stop me in my tracks.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“All of my fears then led directly back to the same place: Never seeing Caspien again.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“He turns in his chair to look at me, a smile so beautiful and sad on his face it almost brings tears to my eyes. “Love cannot bloom hidden away in the shadows, Raphael. Eventually it will wither and die. It would not be fair to offer you a love like that, one that is half in the dark and dying from the start. You deserve something better than what I can give you.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“Look, I know this is harder for you, I get it okay. I just wanted…you to try.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“It sounds like a love song. But not about New York. About something New York possesses tonight. One single perfect thing that no other city on earth has. And he’s asleep in the next room.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“I nodded, watching him now with the same sort of covetous look strangers often did. Everything about him drew me in. How he smelled, the sound of his voice, his laugh, the shape of his mouth. But mostly, it was always this: the way he had of looking at me. As though I was something he needed in order to breathe. Some vital commodity he would die without.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“we’d had a go at their music but who didn’t? Their fashion sense. Again, who didn’t? At their make-up. There was metro-sexual and there was…well, them.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“We’d fucked twice more last night before taking a dazed, languid shower together where I’d washed his body then his hair before sinking to my knees and sucking him off again. I wanted to do it again now.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“She smiles at this. “And maybe neither is Jaehyun…maybe this is all just a weird heteronormative case of a guy having a crush on another guy. Happens all the time.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia

“I honestly don’t know if I have the energy,” he said.”
― Scarlett Drake, Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining

“Dangsin-eun na-ege neomu keun sangcheoleul jul geos-ibnida. an geulae?” Jae whispers.”
― Scarlett Drake, Hamartia