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“Love is light—only fully realized when it is reflected. It was never meant to be kept.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“both divinity and humanness are found in feeling everything all at once.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Maybe god was not found alone on our knees in submission but rather upright in pain, shoulder to shoulder as conduits of love, together in the terrible beauty of human experience. Perhaps god was found in the confluence of love and pain.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“I hadn’t yet learned of the space between childhood faith and adolescent knowing, when we are still anchored to parents who try to stem the tide of growing up. Desperate to keep us safe they dam us in black and white, to stave off the treacherous river of gray. But when a child reckons innocence with reality, the flood is sometimes irreparable. The lever breaks and we are swept downstream. We grope for dry land, trying to make sense of a world that does not carry us as swiftly as we were once taught. We tear at the banks between innocence and truth, desperate for the bridge only to find that there are no square angles. No straight lines across. It all just bends.”
― Everything All at Once
― Everything All at Once
“It was less about submitting to a higher power, and more about accepting the suffering that made us who we are.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“I allowed myself to feel it all: the fear, the anger, the sorrow, the subtle beauty leaking in through the cracks, the everythingness of pain, and the love wrapped around it soft and loud and invisible—all of it intrinsically connected, each moment a shared experience.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Perfection was simply loving myself while broken, to move forward while human. To strive for nothing but accepting exactly where I was at. To simply be here, now.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Slow and steady deposits,” I whispered in Rivs’s ear after Sam left the room, restating the training mantra Rivs had repeated over the years as he conditioned his mind and body to endure extremes and weather the unfathomable.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“How liberating it is to be water, fluid and pervious, to flow like love itself—to accept and allow the things we cannot change while moving forward, with love, in the ways we can.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Maybe this was life in essence, time in its shrouded malleability. All of life was a microcosmic round as the universe begged me to listen to its only message, none of it matters but love. How you learn this, be it through religion, science, psychedelics, meditation, physical exertion, service, or pain, is secondary to arriving here, at the point.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Sadness humbles. It cracks us open, allowing us to see others’ pain in ways that happiness can’t. It teaches us about the universality of suffering, but more importantly, the transcendent power of love.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“How tragic it is to know we see others best through pain.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“I was terrified. I was devastated. And I was fucking angry. Today there was no choice. “This is it,” I thought. “The betrayal of hope.” I had been expecting it all along, but it felt different this time. The landing was a little softer, somehow. Less unexpected, perhaps.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Everything you need is right here. Everything I need is right here.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“My response to grief had not been breaking me. It was building me. Pain had laid the framework for empathy. Recklessness was the foundation to wisdom. Breaking was the joist of understanding that we rarely grow without first falling apart. My brokenness was holding me together—a bridge through the gray I was learning to accept in all of its irreconciliation. My anger was the blueprint of a broken soul waiting to love herself in pieces, all at once.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“What felt true now was that perhaps love and prayer were simply channels to carry people through, a little more gently, towards whatever outcome lay before them.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Is it romantic or pathetic that I still need your validation? Even after discovering all the power inside me, I’m still so desperate for your love.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“I am expecting to feel anger for you and all I find is nostalgia. A melancholy, quiet and sweet. There is no screaming, just a simple acceptance of life for doing what she does: giving and taking and benevolently teaching love through pain to a world that has become comfortably numb.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“Time twists around, tethered by memory. It collapses, then circles back to teach us things we missed the first time—lessons that are sometimes only visible through the rawness of pain. In the totality of heartbreak I was beginning to recognize time’s pliability, understanding life itself as an elemental cycle of trial and error.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“I started to see that prayers weren't self-righteous aspirations to be petitioned through a deified middleman but simply love offered up to the universe, words of intention released with hope, devoid of expectation.”
― Everything All at Once
― Everything All at Once
“In the melody of eternity, life and death are simply fermatas to an infinite refrain.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
“God was not a man. God was an act. A feeling.”
― Everything All at Once
― Everything All at Once
“Over the weeks I had come back to the damaging conclusion that my mental illness was divine punishment for my sins—that life was a dogmatic meritocracy where righteous actions begot blessings and sinful acts begot sorrow and punishment. In my youth I had been taught that true joy was only found inside the LDS church—that if I left the fold, i would never again feel real happiness.”
― Everything All at Once
― Everything All at Once
“sustainable change doesn’t originate from an outside source. It comes from within.”
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
― Everything All at Once: A Memoir
