Gerardo Sámano Córdova > Quotes

“I wanted him to snap, to finally and absolutely lose it. To break. He was withering. To wither is not the same as to break; to break is to have pieces to put back together, and to wither is to dry up, to wilt, to lose bone, to die, and death is the most boring.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Was I expected to find solace in these people? I felt alone, perfectly alone. So alone I felt divine. Divine like a lonely god unfathomable to anyone but herself.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“The world was scary. Worse, I was scary in it.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“One believes the stupidest things in grief.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“We didn’t so much exist as much as we haunted, and with no one else to haunt, we haunted each other.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“To wither is not the same as to break; to break is to have pieces to put back together, and to wither is to dry up, to wilt, to lose bone, to die, and death is the most boring.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“pretend my time as Monstrilio is hazy. Muffled sounds and blurred colors. I say I remember warmth. But I don’t say I miss my fur. I don’t say I’m hungry because my hunger is what makes everyone scared. They are happy to believe I forgot how they maimed me.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I wade through the shadows of our living room, hoping to find monsters. Chat with them. Laugh. But there are no monsters in these shadows. Only me.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“He asked me to cry with him, but his sadness was his and I couldn’t steal it.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“But Santiago said no, God chooses who he cares for, and he hadn’t chosen us. But, Santiago added, we shouldn’t be sad, God had too many rules anyway, and did we really want to follow so many rules?”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“There’s a way of believing where one believes and does not believe at the same time.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“They are happy to believe I forgot how they maimed me.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“believed that flower was my son reincarnated. One believes the stupidest things in grief. I spoke to the flower and called it my son. And then I laughed because how ridiculous—how cruel, really—it would have been if my son was reincarnated as something so ephemeral, frail, and beautiful. I killed that first bloom with one swoop of my hand. Dead again, my son could become something else: the shell of a tortoise, strong and ancient, or a hideous fanged creature deep in the sea where he’d see wonders even he could’ve never imagined.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Where M sat there was almost no light. Next to him stood a doorway to an even darker part of the apartment. I wanted to save M but couldn’t move. The room next to M emitted an uncanny darkness. I would have thought it beautiful if I didn’t have the sense it would swallow us all.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I don't say I'm hungry because my hunger is what makes everyone scared. They are happy to believe I forgot how they maimed me.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Did that thing just call me Papi?”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Papi smashes again. Pound. Pound. Pound. Until Mami has to stop him.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I kept my apartment full of trinkets that encased moments I believed were worth remembering, a physical accumulation of my life in order to make sure it wasn’t passing by unnoticed.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I wanted him to snap, to finally and absolutely lose it. To break. He was withering. To wither is not the same as to break; to break is to have pieces to put back together, and to wither is to dry up, to wilt, to lose bone, to die, and death is the most boring. I needed to see pieces. So I broke the vase. He looked at me with bland pity, as if I were the one withering.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“My mother thought I was a monster and didn't love me because of it. This thing, an actual fucking monster, was loved.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Also, it tastes like cow. Nothing wrong with cow. But a cow doesn’t dream. Not really. And if it does, it dreams of grass. Maybe open skies. A human dreams crazy dreams. Horrible dreams. Great dreams. Like flying. Or teeth falling.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I felt alone, perfectly alone. So alone I felt divine. Divine like a lonely god unfathomable to anybody but herself.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“called me the worst shadow. A demon. He asked me to go away, but when he couldn’t see me, he called for me. I was always around; I only had to come out from where I hid.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“when the day came that he finally pulled himself out—by anger, most likely—the day he did not seem doomed, I would know. Maybe he’d have a rope to throw me.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Lena appeared. She hated churches, God specifically, a deep scorn only possible if there was love to begin with, so she didn’t go to the mass, not even for me, and I wouldn’t have asked. She wore loose jeans, white sneakers, a white shirt, and a vermillion blazer—a shock of color against all the black. Scandalously inappropriate. Gorgeous.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“He did, my beautiful girl. But you didn’t, did you?”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Mermaids are vicious if they don't like you”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“what they needed wasn’t acknowledgment or empathy or closure; it was escape.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“I unhinge my jaw and walk to the kitchen.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio

“Once, Santiago’s lung short-circuited because he went into a rant about how some birds had been dinosaurs before, and you could tell they had been dinosaurs because the birds were red or had some red on them. Dinosaurs couldn’t see red and so the smaller, weaker dinosaurs had evolved to be red in order to camouflage themselves and survive. He’d gotten so excited during this weird made-up tirade he passed out.”
― Gerardo Sámano Córdova, Monstrilio