Eric Frank Russell > Quotes

“You seem to fit the part all right. Your technical record is first-class. Your disciplinary record stinks to high heaven.' He eyed his listener blank faced. 'Two charges of refusing to obey a lawful order. Four for insolence and insubordination. One for parading with your cap on back to front. What on earth made you do that?'

'I had a bad attack of what-the-hell, sir,' explained Leeming.”
― Eric Frank Russell, Next of Kin

“For months we have been making triumphant retreats before a demoralized enemy who is advancing in utter disorder.”
― Eric Frank Russell, WASP

“If one would praise the Almighty, one must then revel in His works, and take them whole, adore their very grossness, savor the oozing quiddity of that slime of which He seems to be inordinately fond. Love is not nice. God's love assuredly is not; and human love, its copy, must not presume to be so.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“Damn! - I'd rather walk into something of my own accord than to be frogmarched into it."
"So it says here in the file. James Mowry, twenty-six, restless and pigheaded. Can be trusted to do anything at all - provided the alternative is worse."
"You sound like my father. Did he tell you that?"
"The Service does not reveal its sources of information.”
― Eric Frank Russell, Wasp

“Do you mind?’ He inquired politely as he lowered himself into the chair.

‘Do I mind what?’ She examined his ears as if they were curious phenomena. ‘Rabies, dogs, aged relatives or standing around in the rain?’

‘Do you mind me sitting here?’

‘I can please myself whether or not I endure it. That’s freedom, isn’t it?”
― Eric Frank Russell, . . . And Then There Were None

“I find this most useful. It justifies the expert time spent upon it. We now have a number of so-called facts each preceded by the word 'probably'. It shows commendable caution on the part of those who don't want to accept responsibility for their own statements."
"An intelligent guess is better than no guess at all, Your Excellency," suggested Shelton, who by now had worked off his ire on the unfortunate Trooper Casartelli.
"It isn't even an intelligent guess," denied the Ambassador. "It is based solely on what can be seen. No account has been taken of what cannot be seen."
"I don't know how it is possible to do that," said Shelton, failing to understand what the other was getting at.
"I neither ask nor expect the impossible," the Ambassador gave back. "My point is that data based exclusively on the visible may be made completely worthless by the invisible." He tapped the report with an authoritative forefinger. "They estimate sixteen thousand strongholds -- above ground. How many are below ground?"
"Subterranean ones?" exclaimed Shelton, startled.
"Of course. There may be fifty thousand of those for all we know."
"We didn't see any."
"He says we didn't see any," the Ambassador said to Grayder.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“What does
this F. — I.W. mean?”
“Initial-slang,” informed Baines. “Made correct
by common usage. It has become a worldwide
motto. You’ll see it all over the place if you haven’t
noticed it already.”
“I have seen it here and there but attached no importance
to it and thought nothing more about it. I
remember now that it was inscribed in several places
including Seth’s and the fire depot.”
“It was on the sides of that bus we couldn’t
empty,” put in Gleed. “It didn’t mean anything to
me.”
“It means plenty,” said Jeff. “Freedom — I
Won’t!”
“That kills me,” Gleed responded. “I’m stone
dead already. I’ve dropped in my tracks.” He
watched Harrison thoughtfully pocketing the plaque.
“A piece of abracadabra. What a weapon!”
“Ignorance is bliss,” asserted Baines, strangely
sure of himself. “Especially when you don’t know
that what you’re playing with is the safety catch of
something that goes bang.”
“All right,” challenged Gleed, taking him up on
that. “Tell us how it works.”
“I won’t.” Baines’ grin reappeared. He seemed to
be highly satisfied about something.
“That’s a fat lot of help.” Gleed felt let down, especially
over that momentary hoped-for reward.
“You brag and boast about a one-way weapon, toss
across a slip of stuff with three letters on it and then
go dumb. Any folly will do for braggarts and any
braggart can talk through the seat of his pants. How
about backing up your talk?”
“I won’t,” repeated Baines, his grin broader than
ever. He gave the onlooking Harrison a fat, significant
wink.
It made something spark vividly within Harrison’s
mind. His jaw dropped, he dragged the plaque from
his pocket and stared at it as if seeing it for the first
time.
“Give it back to me,” requested Baines, watching
him.
Replacing it in his pocket, Harrison said very
firmly, “I won’t.”
Baines chuckled.

“Some people catch on quicker than others.”
― Eric Frank Russell, . . . And Then There Were None

“On Persephone," informed Harrison, "a long-shanked Milik offered me a twenty-karat, blue-tinted, first-water diamond for my bike." "Jeepers, didn't you take it?" "What was the good? I'd have had to go back sixteen light-years for another bike." "But, man, you could exist without a bike for a while." "I can exist without a diamond. I can't ride around on a diamond." "Neither can you sell a bicycle for the price of a sportster Moonboat." "Yes, I can. I just told you this Milik offered me a rock like an egg.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“Inside, Harrison came face to face with
a small man wearing immense plus fours.
“Looking for someone?” asked the small man.
“Yes, the fire chief.”
“Who’s he?”
By now prepared for this sort of thing, Harrison
spoke as one would to a child. “See here, Mister, this
is a fire-fighting outfit. Somebody bosses it. Somebody
organizes the whole affair, fills forms, presses
buttons, shouts orders, recommends promotions,
kicks the shiftless, grabs all the credit, transfers all
the blame and generally lords it around. He’s the
most important man in the bunch and everybody
knows it.” His forefinger tapped imperatively on the
other’s chest. “And he is the fellow I’m going to talk
to if it’s the last thing I do.”
“Nobody is more important than anyone else.
How can he be? I think you’re crazy.”
“You’re welcome to think what you please but I
am telling you that—.”
A shrill bell clamoured, cutting off his sentence.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“You should have seen the coachload I looked over. There was a mortician wearing odd shoes, one brown, one yellow. And a moon-faced gump sporting a hat made from the skin of a barber's pole, all stripy. Only thing missing was his bubble pipe - and probably he'll be given that where he was going." - Colonel Sheldon
"Where was he going?" -Ambassador
"I don't know, your excellency. They refused to say." -Sheldon
"Well, that is a valuable addition to the sum total of our knowledge. Our minds are now enriched by the thought that an anonymous individual may be presented with a futile object for an indefinable purpose when he reaches his unknown destination." -Ambassador”
― Eric Frank Russell

“When an explosion takes place lots of bits and pieces fly all over the scenery. The greater the wallop the larger the lumps and the farther they travel. These are fundamental facts known to every schoolchild old enough to have some sneaky suspicions about the birds and the bees. They were not known or perhaps they were not fully realized by Johannes Pretorius van der Camp Blieder despite the fact that he was fated to create the biggest bang in human history.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“How can trade be bad if you don’t make money
even when it’s good?” inquired Gleed, reasonably
applying the information Harrison had given him.
Jeff’s big moon eyes went over him slowly then
turned to Harrison. “So he’s another bum off your
boat, eh? What’s he talking about?”
“Money,” explained Harrison. “It’s stuff we use to
simplify trade. It’s printed stuff, like documentary
obs of various sizes.”
“That tells me a lot,” Jeff Baines observed. “It
tells a crowd that has to make a printed record of
every ob is not to be trusted — because they don’t
even trust each other.”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion

“Grayder opened the tome at its beginning. "Basic regulations 1A, 1B and 1C include the following: whether in space or on land, a vessel's personnel remain under direct command of its captain or his nominee who will be guided solely and at all times by Space Regulations and will be responsible only to the Space Committee situated on Terra. The same applies to all troops, officials and civilian passengers aboard a space-traversing vessel, whether said vessel is in flight or grounded—regardless of rank or authority they are subordinate to the captain or his nominee. A nominee is defined as a ship's first, second or third officer performing the duties of a captain when the latter is incapacitated or absent." "What all that rigmarole means is that you are king of your castle," remarked the Ambassador, none too pleased. "If we don't like it we must get out of the ship." "With the greatest respect, Your Excellency, I must agree that that is the position. I”
― Eric Frank Russell, The Great Explosion