Jean Kerr > Quotes

“I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.”
― Jean Kerr, The Snake Has All the Lines

“I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”
― Jean Kerr

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? ”
― Jean Kerr

“Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.”
― Jean Kerr

“Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house. ”
― Jean Kerr

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.
”
― Jean Kerr

“The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.”
― Jean Kerr

“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
― Jean Kerr

“Dearer to me than the evening star
A Packard car
A Hershey bar
Or a bride in her rich adorning
Dearer than any of these by far
Is to lie in bed in the morning”
― Jean Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies

“the real menace in dealing with a 5-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a 5-year-old.”
― Jean Kerr

“The thing that worries me is that I'm so different from other writers. Connecticut is just another state to me. And nature - well, nature is just nature. When I see a tree whose leafy mouth is pressed against the earth's sweet flowing breast, I think, 'Well, that's a nice-looking oak,' but it doesn't change my way of life.

Now I'm not going to stand here and run down trees and flowers. Personally, I have three snake plants of my own, and in a tearoom I'm the first one to notice the geraniums. But the point is, I keep my head.”
― Jean Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies

“Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.”
― Jean Kerr

“Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.”
― Jean Kerr

“Oftentimes, in the evening after they have finished spreading the fertiliser, the writer and his wife sit on the fence - with a wonderful sense of "togetherness" - and listen to the magic symphony of the crickets. I can understand that. Around our house, we're pretty busy, and of course we're not the least bit integrated, but nevertheless my husband and I often sit together in the deepening twilight and listen to the sweet, gentle slosh-click, slosh-click of the dishwasher. He smiles and I smile. Oh, it's a golden moment.”
― Jean Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.”
― Jean Kerr

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”
― Jean Kerr

“Hoffnung ist das Gefühl, dass das Gefühl, das du hast, nicht ewig dauert”
― Jean Kerr

“Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them”
― Jean Kerr

“When I was younger and full of Dr. Spock I used to make the common mistake of trying to be “fair” with the children. At the peak of every crisis I would summon the entire brood from the four corners of the television set and ask stern, equivocal questions like “Who threw the calendar in the toilet?” Naturally, nobody did. Now I rely on blind instinct. After assessing the evidence and asking myself a few routine questions like who was in the bathroom last and who is sopping wet, I seize the probable culprit, give him a little whack, and announce flatly, “So, you threw the calendar in the toilet!” This undoubtedly leads to an occasional injustice, but you’d be surprised how it cuts down on the plumbing bills.”
― Jean Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies

“Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else.”
― Jean Kerr

“Another distressing aspect of disciplining young children is that somehow you are always left with the flat end of the dialogue – a straight man forever. It’s not just that you feel idiotic. The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. Let’s say you hear a loud, horrifying crash from the bedroom, so you shout up:
“In heaven’s name, what was that?”
“What?”
“That awful noise.”
“What noise?”
“You didn’t hear that noise?”
“No. Did you?”
“Of course I did – I just told you.”
“What did it sound like?”
“Never mind what it sounded like. Just stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Whatever you’re doing.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Stop it anyway.”
“I’m brushing my teeth. Shall I stop that?”
Obviously this way madness lies. Personally, I knew I had to win this battle of dialectics or seek psychiatric care. I don’t promise that my solution will work equally well in all cases, but it does do nicely around here. Nowadays when I hear that crash I merely call up, clearly and firmly, “Hey you, pick up your pants.”
I am, of course, operating on the absolute certainty that whoever it is will have at least one pair of pants on the floor. And the mere motion of picking them up will distract him, temporarily at least, from whatever mayhem he was involved in. As far as that crash is concerned, I never really wanted to know what it was. I just wanted it to stop.”
― Jean Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies