Pete Johnson > Quotes

“Hey, Dad,”
― Pete Johnson, Rescuing Dad

“What does a monster eat after he’s had his teeth out? The dentist.”
― Pete Johnson, How to Update Your Parents

“And I really think it would be better if Mum stayed indoors while the moustache is in full bloom, as people are always making snide comments about that woman in the cake shop (to be honest, I made one or”
― Pete Johnson, How to Train Your Parents

“Actually, some of the tackles looked more like assassination attempts to me.”
― Pete Johnson, How to Train Your Parents

“dancing, as a lot of parents at my school are”
― Pete Johnson, How to Train Your Parents

“tick, tick, woof? A dog marking homework.”
― Pete Johnson, How to Train Your Parents

“Now I know how those Christians felt when they were told they had a booking with a hungry lion in an hour.”
― Pete Johnson, How to Train Your Parents

“Do you really think I’m here just to wave you goodbye as I sob into my hankie?’ Before I could reply she added, ‘And if you buy a ticket I’ll shove it up your backside.”
― Pete Johnson, My Parents Are Driving Me Crazy