Blaize Clement > Quotes

“They say God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I think God has overestimated what I can take.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“Protecting people from the truth is another way of shutting them out.”
― Blaize Clement

“Perfume companies ought to bottle the smell of crisp bacon. Forget pheromones. I’ll bet a woman with a little spot of bacon grease behind her ears would attract every male within a five-mile radius.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“Being young is easy, you know, but it takes guts to be old.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“She remembered the day that she first realized she would never be able to read every book in the world," said John Clement. "She cried for days.”
― About Blaize Clement

“I told him, 'You can start in the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the right, and then you can go back to the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the left. You can just kiss my big ass.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“My pet-sitting day ends around sunset, and it's very satisfying to know that I've made several living beings happy that day. That I left their food bowls sparkling clean and fresh water in their water bowls. That I brushed them so their coats shined, and played with them until all our hearts were beating faster. That I kissed them goodbye and left them with their tails wagging or flipping or at least raised in a happy kind of way. That's a heck of a lot more than any president, pope, prime minister, or potentate can say, and I wouldn't switch places with any of them.”
― Blaize Clement, Cat Sitter on a Hot Tin Roof

“Heads of warring nations could learn a lot about how to achieve lasting peace by watching dogs and cats who live in the same house.”
― Blaize Clement, Raining Cat Sitters and Dogs

“I love the unabashed over-buttered, over-creamed, deep-fried, gooey, over-sugared excessiveness of Amish food,”
― Blaize Clement, Even Cat Sitters Get the Blues

“I pulled the dress out of the bag and held it in front of me. Ella sat up straighter and squinted her eyes, while Michael and Paco made the noises men make when a woman says, “What do you think?” Fathers probably teach those noises to their sons when they’re young—“Stand up when you’re introduced to a lady, use your napkin instead of your sleeve, and make admiring noises when a woman shows you anything, no matter what it is, and asks you what you think about it. Never, never, never say you have no opinion.”
― Blaize Clement, Cat Sitter on a Hot Tin Roof

“August in Florida is God's way of reminding us who's in charge.”
― Blaize Clement, Raining Cat Sitters and Dogs

“When you're young, you're more prone to overlook friends' faults and forgive their weaknesses because you know you're all still cooking and nobody's done.”
― Blaize Clement, Raining Cat Sitters and Dogs

“I always see to the dogs first and leave the cats and the occasional birds and rabbits and hamsters for later. It isn't that I play favorites, it's just that dogs are needier than other pets. Leave a dog alone for very long and it'll start going a little nuts. Cats, on the other hand, try to give you the impression that they didn't even notice you were gone. "Oh, were you out?" they'll say, "I didn't notice." Then they'll raise their tails to show you their little puckered anuses and walk away.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“Now I take care of animals. I go to their homes while their owners are away and feed them and groom them and play with them. They don't ask a lot of questions or expect much from me, and I don't have to interact with people any more than I choose to. At least most of the time.”
― Blaize Clement, Curiosity Killed the Cat Sitter

“Staying in the safe darkness of memory and yearning is easy. Going forward to the light of possibility takes courage.”
― Blaize Clement, Duplicity Dogged the Dachshund

“Now here's the thing about being a little off-center; you're never sure if you're a bona fide loon or if you have insight that other people don't have.You have to navigate through life using a kind of psychic gyroscope to keep from falling too far one way or another, and you feel a peculiar kinship with other people who are also a little bit off-center.”
― Blaize Clement, Even Cat Sitters Get the Blues

“for no less than thirty seconds and then immediately pour it, ice and all, into a mason jar with a salted rim, garnished with a wedge of key lime or meyer lemon or both. You can specify how hot you like it. For example, if you ask for “pleasantly spicy,” they’ll drop the pepper in a cocktail shaker, pour in the tequila, and then remove the pepper immediately. If you ask for “taste-bud abusive,” they’ll let the pepper sit with the tequila for a couple of minutes. Ask for “medical supervision advised,” and they’ll use a safely guarded reserve that’s been steeping for who knows how long. And here’s how you drink a spicy grapefruit margarita at Colonel Teddy’s Tiki Bar on Siesta Key: as slowly as possible.”
― Blaize Clement, The Cat Sitter and the Canary

“freshly”
― Blaize Clement, The Cat Sitter and the Canary

“grapefruit margarita at Colonel Teddy’s Tiki Bar on Siesta Key: Take a fresh habañero pepper, cut it in half, and then steep it in three ounces of Pueblo Viejo tequila. Next, add an ounce of freshly squeezed lime juice, an ounce of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice, and then one ounce of simple syrup plus a couple handfuls of crushed ice. Cover and shake it for no less than thirty seconds and then immediately pour it, ice and all, into a mason jar with a salted rim, garnished with a wedge of key lime or meyer lemon or both.”
― Blaize Clement, The Cat Sitter and the Canary

“Here’s how they make a spicy grapefruit margarita at Colonel Teddy’s Tiki Bar on Siesta Key: Take a fresh habañero pepper, cut it in half, and then steep it in three ounces of Pueblo Viejo tequila. Next, add an ounce of freshly squeezed lime juice, an ounce of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice, and then one ounce of simple syrup plus a couple handfuls of crushed ice. Cover and shake it”
― Blaize Clement, The Cat Sitter and the Canary

“If I ran the world--and God knows I could do a better job of it than the yahoos doing it now--any leader who sent troops off to fight would have to march at the head of the ranks. That would bring about world peace in four weeks.”
― Blaize Clement, Duplicity Dogged the Dachshund