Jim Kraus > Quotes

“You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“If you think things cannot get worse, it is probably because you lack sufficient imagination.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“Everyone is entitled to be foolish sometimes, but many people abuse the privilege.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“Three elderly ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and I can’t remember whether I need to put the jar away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or down.” “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem—knock on wood,” the third one said as she rapped her knuckles on the table. “Oh! That must be the door—I’ll get it!”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“Now, I got to do the inventing. I got to do the creating. A new life, my new life, would rise from the ashes of this one, like a phoenix of sorts, a great bird arising from the detritus of an old life that no longer worked.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“I had no idea that throwing away worthless things could bring about such contentment and . . . well . . . joy. Maybe that’s true in life too. Get rid of the worthless things that tied you down and held you back.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“In the future, that would become Rufus's favorite daytime resting and/or sleeping spot. He could watch out over his world, be close to me, and nap peacefully as the sunlight flowed, diffused by the slate, through the wide wooden blinds.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“A serious modern novelist is one whose books leave you really depressed at the end. A truly great, modern novelist is one who leaves you wanting to kill yourself at the end of the book.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“I enjoyed what I saw in Williamsburg. But when something is not shared, it is never as poignant, or as meaningful, or as beautiful as it might have been if it were shared with someone.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“I know. I shouldn’t have punched Brian in the throat.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God

“We sort of tell ourselves what we want to hear and the more we do that, the more we begin to agree with ourselves—and maybe get fooled into thinking what is wrong is actually right.”
― Jim Kraus, The Dog That Talked to God