Tom Lehrer > Quotes

“Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.”
― Tom Lehrer

“I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.
In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:
Plagiarize!

Plagiarize!
Let no one else's work evade your eyes!
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes!
So don't shade your eyes,
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize -
Only be sure always to call it please 'research'."

[Lobachevsky]”
― Tom Lehrer

“I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.”
― Tom Lehrer

“It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.”
― Tom Lehrer

“Life is like a sewer - you get out of it what you put into it.”
― Tom Lehrer

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”
― Tom Lehrer

“If after hearing my songs just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or perhaps to strike a loved one it will all have been worth the while.”
― Tom Lehrer

“On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.”
― Tom Lehrer

“Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.”
― Tom Lehrer

“Bad weather always looks worse through a window.”
― Tom Lehrer

“I don’t think this kind of thing [satire] has an impact on the unconverted, frankly. It’s not even preaching to the converted; it’s titillating the converted. I think the people who say we need satire often mean, ‘We need satire of them, not of us.’ I’m fond of quoting Peter Cook, who talked about the satirical Berlin cabarets of the ’30s, which did so much to stop the rise of Hitler and prevent the Second World War.”
― Tom Lehrer

“I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.”
― Tom Lehrer

“The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines...I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them. And that's not funny....OK, well, if I say that, I might get a shock laugh, but it's not really satire.”
― Tom Lehrer

“If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.”
― Tom Lehrer

“I often feel like a resident of Pompeii who has been asked for some humorous comments on lava.”
― Tom Lehrer

“The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.”
― Tom Lehrer

“All books can be indecent books
Though recent books are bolder,
For filth, I'm glad to say, is in
The mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
I could tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man...”
― Tom Lehrer

“I’m sure we all agree that we ought to love one another, and I know there are people in the world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that!”
― Tom Lehrer

“Life is a piano what you get out of it depends on how you play it”
― Tom Lehrer

“Sé que hay gente que no ama a sus semejantes y yo odio a la gente como esa”
― Tom Lehrer

“I think the people who say we need satire often mean, ‘We need satire of them, not of us.”
― Tom Lehrer