Janet W. Hardy > Quotes

“Love is a muscle that gets stronger with exercise, and there is no more demanding exercise than letting go.”
― Janet W. Hardy

“when you are in the company of the unfamiliar, you look for unfamiliar wisdom. You’ll find lots of it, and it will make you richer.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“It's time to stop being ashamed. Untold tens of thousands of people share the desire to redden each other's backsides in a loving and consensual manner, and have enhanced their lives and their sexuality by doing so. Why on earth should anybody be ashamed of having more ways to get aroused than their neighbor has? Seems to me that such a person should feel lucky, not guilty.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“We measure the ethics of good sluts not by the number of their partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat them.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Once you have made a commitment to refuse to act on your jelaousy, you become free to start reducing the amount of power you let it have over you.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Every erotic sufferer, or inflicter of suffering, occasionally feels the pang of desire for
"reality," the quest to turn the delicate interplay of symbols into something more poignant and immediate. It is at this time that partners begin talk of disposing of safewords, of consensual nonconsent, of "no way out" scenes.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“While we sometimes may feel jelaous or territorial, we own those feelings, doing our best not to blame or control but asking for the support we need to help ourselves feel safe and cared for.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“You may need to let yourself feel deprived, simply to prove to yourself that feeling deprived isn't the end of the world.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Ethical sluts do not make promises they can't keep. If you are attracted to someone who is looking for a life partnership and what you want is a lighthearted affair (or vice versa), you need to be honest about that, even if it means saying "No, thank you" to sex until your feelings for each other are more on a par. Mistakes can easily be made - sometimes accidentally, and sometimes when we should have predicted that someone would get hurt.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“The pinkening of the butt early in a spanking resembles the flush many people experience on their faces, chests and bottoms during sexual arousal. Coincidence? I don't think so.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“Learning from one's mistakes isn't fun, but it's way better than not learning at all.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Let jelaousy be your teacher. Jelaousy can lead you to the very places where you most need healing. It can be your guide into your own dark side and show you the way to total self-realization. Jelaousy can teach you how to live in peace with yourself and with the whole world if you let it.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Obviously, my spanking fantasies go back a long way. I can hardly remember having any sexual fantasies at all that didn't include some form of spanking. And even today, although my interests have expanded to take in many other forms of consensual erotic play, spanking remains my first love.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“Like many women, I found it easy to deny to myself that the fascinating thoughts and images that crowded my mind were sexual in nature. (Women, unlike men, cannot look down to gauge a phallic barometer of sexual arousal.)”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“So there you are, shell cracked, with waves of pain washing over you. What do you do? Get as comfortable as you can and see how you can learn to ride those waves instead of drowning under them.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“And let's face it: the sounds and sensations and sights of spanking someone - the whimpers and moans and cries, the writhing and wiggling and clenching, the skin turning rosy and warm - are very, very sexy.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers

“Acting out” means doing things you don’t understand, driven by emotions you have refused to be aware of, in ways you may regret later.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“It does you no good to attract someone who thinks you are somebody else: all you get is someone who is excited about somebody who isn't you. When you are honest, you attract the people who are interested in you, just as you most wonderfully are.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Remember, the most important sexual organ is always found between the ears.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“A certain amount of escapism is fine, but if you anesthetize yourself so that you feel nothing at all, you will lose the opportunity to develop skills at dealing with the feelings you're having.”
― Janet W. Hardy, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“The experience of pleasant pain is familiar to many, perhaps most, people. (Not you? Think again: ever enjoyed the pleasant muscle ache of a good day's exercise, or the challenging burn of a spicy curry?) Many more, although they may not be consciously aware of it, also have some experience with erotically arousing pain: biting, scratching, pinching, mild hair-pulling and hickeys have an honored place in many folks' sexual repertoire. If seeking out and/or eroticizing pain is sick, then it's a sickness about as rare as the common cold.”
― Janet W. Hardy, Spanking for Lovers