Chris Rylander > Quotes

“Be careful what you wish for because for every wish there’s a demented magical unicorn out there looking to impale someone right in their face.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“A friend is like an eagle with no wings because they’ll both get eaten by a giant spaghetti noodle.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall

“Who knew that peeing your pants and fainting goats were such great secret weapons for a spy?”
― Chris Rylander, Crisis Zero: A Clever Spy School Adventure for Kids (Ages 8-12) About a Prank Master's Mission

“theater is for sissies,”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“There ain’t no place like Chattahoochee for making a lady feel like a carpetbagger.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall

“my mom and those weird ladies she hung out with who wore tracksuits all the time and sat around the kitchen talking about calories and exercises while eating all of the double chocolate chip cookies they’d just baked.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“chair”
― Chris Rylander, Codename Zero

“Even my grandma could get this one, and she thinks that baseball is some sort of satanic ritual invented in 1812 by Communist kangaroos to help an alien tribe of sea creatures called Trout Mask Replicas build the ancient pyramids.” I”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“I like smashing,” she said. “Clearly,”
― Chris Rylander, The Curse of Greg

“security breaches”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)

“area.”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)

“I could just see Mr. Fields at the dinner table with his family. He’d blow his shrill whistle and then scream, “Pass me the peas!” Then as his wife’s shaking hands passed the bowl of peas, he’d blow his whistle again and scream, “Hustle, hustle, hustle!” and cause her to drop the bowl. Then he’d get really mad and shout, “Okay, no slacking allowed here! Drop and give me fifteen push-ups, Mrs. Fields!”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“Oh, no!” Dillon yelled in a panic. “I don’t know the answer! I’m getting dumber and dumber by the second. My brains are going to be pudding within minutes. Ahhh! Oh . . . wait, it’s twenty-six. Never mind.”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)

“But right now you’re probably just wondering how in the world I ended up with my pants engulfed in flames and an angry Gargoyle with a mullet chasing close behind. I wish I could tell you it wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t responsible for getting myself into such a predicament. But then I’d be lying, and Dwarves don’t lie.”
― Chris Rylander, The Curse of Greg

“Even beyond believing what your Elven friend said, the visions you described are . . . well, entirely unprecedented. Furthermore, the Bloodletter would only tell you what you want to hear; it is not an all-knowing being. It thrives on your own weaknesses and desires, Greg.” “Pfft!” Ooj shouted loudly. “That’s assuming it revealed anything to him at all! I highly doubt an artifact of such significance would select this Dwarven impostor as its next owner. It’s preposterous!”
― Chris Rylander, The Legend of Greg

“video games.”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)

“So, on Monday, I sold some poop to get the tickets.”
― Chris Rylander, The Curse of Greg

“It ain’t over until somebody gets eaten alive by a swarm of flying lamp shades.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part II: A Gripping Middle Grade Mystery for Kids (Ages 8-12) About Crime, Secrets, and Loyalty

“Грэг Воняет Как Конский Зад”
― Chris Rylander, The Rise of Greg

“But I summoned a spell that I had been relatively good at in class and other times of imminent peril.”
― Chris Rylander, The Curse of Greg

“Pop-Tarts”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)

“If you ever see a clown somewhere other than at a circus, rodeo, or party, then either run away or kill it immediately.”
― Chris Rylander, The Fourth Stall Part III

“Too much responsibility for a kid like me: someone prone to setting his own pants on fire”
― Chris Rylander, The Curse of Greg

“FOURTH STALL”
― Chris Rylander, Crisis Zero: A Clever Spy School Adventure for Kids (Ages 8-12) About a Prank Master's Mission

“Gus was the sort of kid who’d make fun of a kid whose parents had just died in car accident.”
― Chris Rylander, Crisis Zero: A Clever Spy School Adventure for Kids (Ages 8-12) About a Prank Master's Mission

“Great, you get him started and then take off and leave the rest of us with the results?” Danielle said. “Both of you are utterly twisted and disgusting.”
― Chris Rylander, Countdown Zero: A Funny Spy Adventure About Trust and Conspiracy for Kids (Ages 8-12)