Robert Kroese > Quotes

“These days she tended to think of herself as a Heisenbergian Christian: she believed in the broad outlines of Christianity, but she was unable to pinpoint the specifics of her creed. She was OK with the wave; it was the particles that tended to escape her.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“...And I can't promise anything, you understand, but there's always a chance he'll want to torture your boss anyway. Just recreationally, I mean."
"Wow, that would be terrific," I said.”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“This puzzling discrepancy prompted the development of the controversial cosmological theory known as the Strong Misanthropic Principle, which asserts that the universe exists in order to screw with us.”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“It was never a good thing when a bad guy started quoting Nietzsche.”
― Robert Kroese, The Big Sheep

“You'd think that Modern Science would have found a cure for the common hangover by now, but evidently Modern Science has been too busy doing things like figuring how to reconfigure DNA and creating artificial gravity. Modern Science doesn't get invited to a lot of parties.”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“People of a “scientific” bent have been known to ridicule those, like Harry, who believe unlikely notions such as the idea that the Universe was created in six days and that the first human being was formed by God breathing into a lump of clay. It should be noted that the latest scientific theories entail that (1) all of the matter in the Universe was once compressed into an area smaller than the point of a pin; and (2) life came about when a chance collision of molecules accidentally lined up three million nucleic acids in exactly the right order to form a self-replicating protein.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“And it was negotiated between the best minds among the angels and the best minds of the demons." "Oh, no," said Mercury. "Where did you get that idea? It was negotiated by lawyers.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“When all else fails, science comes up with a label, like “gravity” or “inertia” or “Asperger’s” and calls it a day.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Rises

“Declaring war on Skaal increased patriotism among the people, made them forget about all their other problems, killed off some of the excess population, often resulted in the acquisition of some valuable booty, and — most importantly — relieved Boric’s crushing boredom. It was too bad about the killing, of course, but most of the peasants were probably going to die of plague or starvation anyway.”
― Robert Kroese, Disenchanted

“How many of these rescue missions have you conducted anyway?” “More than I can count,” sniffed the general. “I see,” said Rex. “How many fingers am I holding up?”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“By most accounts, Boric the Implacable was, while he was alive, an incomparable badass. By all accounts, he was an even bigger badass after he died.”
― Robert Kroese, Disenchanted

“No actual productive work is done in the Courts of the Most High, but the staff of the Courts have the proud distinction of having prevented more work from being done on more planes than any other entity outside the United States Congress.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“There is, of course, a lot of disagreement on Earth about whether demons actually exist, what they want, and how much of the tax code they are responsible for.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“It is also said that history is written by the victors. This was particularly true in the Old Realm, where the official historians at the Library of Avaress had been required for centuries to be named Victor.”
― Robert Kroese, Disenchanted

“That’s what people used to tell my parents,” Verne said. “Why ‘Verne’? they’d ask. And my parents would say, ‘No, he’s just small for his age.”
― Robert Kroese, Distopia

“I’d seen Rex pull this ruse before. The trick is to employ diplomatic-sounding generalities to cover his near-total ignorance. You’d think that any reasonably intelligent person would see right through it, but Rex’s uncanny confidence can be downright unnerving. To be honest, I’m not entirely certain he realizes it’s a ruse. He may just be deluded enough to think that he really does understand what’s going on, and somehow he manages to extend that delusion to include those in the immediate vicinity. As the originator of the delusion, he then becomes a sort of expert guide to those lost in its fog.”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“The universe is just as absurd for a snail as it is for a human being; the difference is that the snail doesn’t care.”
― Robert Kroese, Schrodinger's Gat

“The illusion of free will is straining under the weight of determinism.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“He had intended his address to be somewhat more comprehensive than this but was forced to cut it short, having been stabbed between the ribs with a broadsword.”
― Robert Kroese, Disenchanted

“What is that thing? It looks like a model of the human digestive tract made from broken beer bottles and sadness.”
― Robert Kroese, Starship Grifters

“That’s right, folks. This is the sort of novel that starts with a fucking Venn diagram. Buckle up, bitches.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Revolts

“She tried to kill us, Keane."
"You can't take attempted murder personally in this business, Fowler.”
― Robert Kroese, The Last Iota

“People would rather find their place in a terrible system than try to change the system and risk being cast out.” Wyngalf”
― Robert Kroese, Distopia

“How do we know Stephanie’s not just watering a friend’s plants?”
“Oh, she’s watering his plants all right,” said Keane.
“Congratulations,” I said. “That’s the worst euphemism for intercourse I’ve ever heard.”
“No,” said Keane. “Intercourse is the worst euphemism for intercourse you’ve ever heard. Normal people call it fucking.”
― Robert Kroese, The Big Sheep

“The big questions don't matter if you get all the little ones wrong.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“As with most haters of religion, her hatred was more about herself than any particular creed. “In”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Revolts

“There’s no consensus in the mental health community on how to maintain the sanity of a person whose whole existence is fictional.”
― Robert Kroese, The Big Sheep

“had they gotten hungry partway through their vandalizing? That seemed like a stunning lack of commitment”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Falls

“Dead kings were honored in the Six Kingdoms only insofar as they had the good sense to stop walking around above ground.”
― Robert Kroese, Disenchanted

“I seem to have fallen victim to the illusion, so common on the Mundane Plane, that committing facts to paper will somehow help me make sense of them.”
― Robert Kroese, Mercury Rises