Charles Timmerman > Quotes

“I invented a new word today: plagiarism.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“What did the plate say to the napkin? “Dinner is on me.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts. A good steak pun is a rare medium well done. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse says, “Sure.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“I couldn’t figure out how the seat belt worked. Then it just clicked.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. I, for one, like Roman numerals. Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Why do you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it. I’m reading an anti-gravity book. I can’t put it down!”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Why do vampires have no friends? They suck.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“The best gift I ever received was a broken drum. You can’t beat that.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me; it means a lot.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“I cut my finger shredding cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef? What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name. Do you know where you get water from? Well... There’s not much training for garbage collectors. They just pick things up as they go. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it was just a bug going around. How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor. What word starts with “E” and has only one letter in it? Envelope.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“I want a grilled...cheese.” The waiter asks, “Why the big pause?” The bear replies, “I don’t know. I was born with them.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“To the person who stole my place in line: I’m after you now. What is the center of gravity? The letter “v”! Why did the quiz show give away $10,000 plus one banana? They wanted the prize to have appeal. What do you call corn that joins the army? A kernel.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Man, I love my furniture. Me and my recliner go way back.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“I want a grilled...cheese.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“What do you call a typo on a tombstone? A grave mistake.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs

“Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.”
― Charles Timmerman, Funster 600+ Funniest Dad Jokes Book: Overloaded with family-friendly groans, chuckles, chortles, guffaws, and belly laughs