Patrick Weekes > Quotes

“Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“So how'd an academic end up walking a zombie through a palace on a heist job?”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Hey, come on!” Kail pushed into the hallway and saw an ascetic-looking man whose lapitect robes had some little stars on the collar. “We’re trying to work, here! Do I go down to where your mother works and push the sailors out of her bed?”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“I'm just saying, as someone who occasionally rigs fights, I'm offended by the lack of professionalism.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“I like my kahva the way I like my women... hot and black."

"I like my kahva the way I like my men," she replied, her eyes half-lidded. "Ground up into tiny pieces and stored in a bag.”
― Patrick Weekes

“When you report back to the Inquisitor . . .” His voice faltered. “Say that I am sorry.”
― Patrick Weekes, Tevinter Nights

“My name, among our people, means ‘slow arrow.’ It comes from a story in which the god Fen’Harel was asked by a village to kill a great beast. He came to the beast at dawn, and saw its strength, and knew it would slay him if he fought it. So instead, he shot an arrow up into the sky. The villagers asked Fen’Harel how he would save them, and he said to them, ‘When did I say that I would save you?’ And he left, and the great beast came into the village that night and killed the warriors, and the women, and the elders. It came to the children and opened its great maw, but then the arrow that Fen’Harel had loosed fell from the sky into the great beast’s mouth, and killed it. The children of the village wept for their parents and elders, but still they made an offering to Fen’Harel of thanks, for he had done what the villagers had asked. He had killed the beast, with his cunning, and a slow arrow that the beast never noticed.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Masked Empire

“Fight the enemy. Not their people.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“What's your specialty?"
The wizard squinted. "What would you like my specialty to be?”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“The lone guard was asleep at his desk. Loch thoughtfully woke him up by prodding his throat with her sword, and it was agreed that the guard would spend the night peacefully and quietly bound and gagged in the broom closet.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Do you mean good as in ethical or good as in capable, Dairy?”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Word on the street says you've taken down a lot of rich bastards."
"Well, the poor bastards don't have much money, or any challenging safes.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“She said it with capital letters and everything.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Sorry I’m late!” came a voice from the night, along with what Tern recognized as the sound of someone coming sliding down a zipline. “Your mother always wants to cuddle after!”
― Patrick Weekes, The Prophecy Con

“You're growing up," Dairy said. "It makes you different, but you don't have to let it make you evil. It's hard, sometimes, and you'll make mistakes, but you'll be all right.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Prophecy Con

“Do you radiate cold magic when you punch people?" Kail asked.
"I do not engage in physical combat," Icy replied, taking a bite from his vegetable plate, "and I possess no elemental magic ability."
"Then why Icy Fist?"
"It is short for 'Indomitable Courteous Fist,' which is my full name."
"That's significantly less cool, Icy.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Oh, please,” said Hessler. “It’s your standard false duality designed to draw gullible believers into a world of monochromatic enemies and strip away any moral ambiguity—usually utilized by the ruling government to bolster whatever policies it wishes to implement.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“He uncoiled a length of fine leather tubing from his waist and tossed it down to Hessler, leaving the end attached to his waist. “Remember, one sharp tug means that you must feed me more tubing and shake the line, as it may have gotten caught, while two tugs means that I am stuck and need you to pull me back.” “How many tugs means that we should trigger the explosion?” Tern asked. Icy raised an eyebrow. “Me standing next to you, having extricated myself from the tunnel safely, and explicitly telling you to trigger the explosion is the only agreed-upon signal for you to trigger the explosion.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Paladin Caper

“I like my kahva the way I like my women… hot and black.” “I like my kahva the way I like my men,” she replied, her eyes half-lidded. “Ground up into tiny pieces and stored in a bag.” As the man sputtered, Loch laughed in delight”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Kutesosh gajair’is.” It was a bare whisper.

“Such simple phrases. I destroy the enemy. I protect life. And my personal favorite—”

“Kun-kabynalti osu fuir’is.”

“None shall die while I watch over them. The irony is so beautiful.” Elkinsair wiped at his eyes.”
― Patrick Weekes

“Trust is a more complex philosophical issue than the average layperson can understand.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Hah! How does that work for you, you authoritarian oafs!” Hessler yelled. “Think of that next time you trifle with someone who makes his living understanding the fundamental forces of the universe!”
― Patrick Weekes, The Prophecy Con

“When all you are is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail.”
― Patrick Weekes

“All of ye, weapons down!” he yelled. Even the most unruly of dwarves would have at least acknowledged the order, if not followed it. He did not wish to sound racist, but non-dwarves were often very uncivilized.”
― patrick weekes, The Prophecy Con

“You’re a death priestess?” the man asked. His urge to have sex with her had diminished greatly, though not entirely. “Like, sacrificing babies and devouring souls to gain the power of daemons and all that?”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“So I'm, like, more male than most men?" Kail asked with a hint of pride.
Icy pursed his lips. "That is certainly one way of interpreting my statement," he said, and glanced briefly overhead before continuing. "And you seem almost to transmit this disharmony to others by your speech and attitudes, such that your very presence disrupts the balance of their spirit."
"You're saying I get them mad and confused?" Kail asked.
"I... yes.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Because you alone are the spark that will burn clean and let the new growth come.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Palace Job

“Fine, fine. Anybody else want to bother me while I’m flying an airship without an instructor for the first time?”
― patrick weekes, The Prophecy Con

“Wait, were you just trying to get us to take everything off?” Kail asked, winking at one of the guards and moving to force eye contact in return. “Man, your mother is so much more polite about it.”
― Patrick Weekes

“Choosing to walk away from your culture's values is difficult," Icy added as Tern went back to work. "Once you realize that you cannot in good conscience follow the orders with which you were raised, you must find your own path.”
― Patrick Weekes, The Prophecy Con