Amy Sedaris > Quotes

“I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.”
― Amy Sedaris

“In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”
― Amy Sedaris, Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People

“Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris ”
― Amy Sedaris

“I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.”
― Amy Sedaris

“Poof! It's magic!”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“The moment someone says, “Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,” your party is over.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“• A good trick is to fill your medicine cabinet with marbles. Nothing announces a nosey guest better than an avalanche of marbles hitting a porcelain sink. Plus you’ll know which guest is a junkie whore or gutter hype, and you’ll know what else to hide. Count your stash or remove the labels from your prescription bottles.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“How do you teach hope?”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“CINNAMON SOUR CREAM COFFEE CAKE You will be placing this cake in a cold oven, then setting the oven to 350 degrees and baking for 55 minutes. You will need 9-inch greased tube pan. Beat until light and fluffy: 2 sticks of unsalted butter 1¼ cups of sugar 2 eggs Blend in: 1 cup of sour cream 2 cups of sifted flour ½ teaspoon of baking soda 1½ teaspoons of baking powder Add into butter mixture. Add: 2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract Blend well. Spoon half the mixture into the tube pan (this batter will be thick), sprinkle half the nut mixture (below) over the batter. Then spoon the rest of the thick batter on top of that and top with remaining nut mixture. For the nut mixture, I use a small, hand, nut grinder: Grind 1 cup of finely chopped walnut meats and mix with 1¼ teaspoons of cinnamon and 2 tablespoons of sugar.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence