Mike Royko > Quotes

“Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.”
― Mike Royko

“A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.”
― Mike Royko

“In attacking the young, the liberal, and the black, Daley was in the mainstream of America's mass prejudices. The Democratic party may have suffered by his actions, but Daley came out...even more popular than before because "bust their heads" was the mood of the land and Daley had swung the biggest club.”
― Mike Royko

“Later, when they sat down and went over the figures closely, they found an interesting pattern. Adamowski had received fifty-one percent of the votes, cast by white persons. But the enormous black vote had given Daley his victory. The people who were trapped in the ghetto slums and the nightmarish public housing projects, the people who had the worst school system and were most often degraded by the Police Department, the people who received the fewest campaign promises and who were ignored as part of the campaign trail, had given him his third term. They had done it quietly, asking for nothing in return. Exactly what they got.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.”
― Mike Royko”
― Mike Royko

“Go that way, past the viaduct, and the wops will jump you, or chase you into Jew town...Polacks would stomp on you...Micks will shower you with Irish confetti from the brickyards.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“The neighborhood-towns were part of larger ethnic states. To the north of the Loop was Germany. To the northwest was Poland. To the west were Italy and Israel. To the southwest were Bohemia and Lithuania. And to the south was ireland...

you could always tell, even with your eyes closed, which state you were in by the odors of the food stores and the open kitchen windows, the sound of the foreign or familiar language, and by whether a stranger hit you in the head with a rock.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“Behind the high-rises are the crumbling, crowded buildings where the lower-income people live. No answer has been found to their housing problems because the real estate people say there's not enough profit in building homes for them. And beyond them are the middle-income people, who can't make it to the high-rises and can't stay where they are because the schools are inadequate, the poor are pushing toward them, and nothing is being done about their problems, so they move to the suburbs.

When their children grow up and they retire, maybe then they can move to a lake front high-rise.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“It’s no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has
increased greatly since the ballplay- ers swapped those wonderful
old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.”
― Mike Royko

“The thing that got Daley mad," one of the delegates said later, "was that Ribicoff had been ass-kissing him just a day or two before. He came over and pushed for McGovern to our delegation and made a big speech about what a great guy Daley was. Then he got up there and played the hero for the TV cameras."
Daley was on his feet, his arms waiving, his mouth working. The words were lost in the uproar, but it was later asserted by Mayday, an almost-underground Washington paper, that a lip-reader had determined that he said: "Fuck you, you Jew son of a bitch, you lousy motherfucker, go home.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“When a new dictator takes over a country, one of the first things he does is seize or close the newspapers. Apathy isn't as heavy-handed as a dictator. But it can get the same job done.”
― Mike Royko

“So, for a variety of reasons, ranging from convenience to fear to economics, people stayed in their own neighborhood, loving it, enjoying the closeness, the friendliness, the familiarity, and trying to save enough money to move out.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“If the regular pay was important to him, the opportunity to learn was of even greater long-range significance.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“That is the greatest sin of all. You can make money under the table and move ahead, but you are forbidden to make secretaries under the sheets. He has dumped several party members for violating his personal moral standards.

If something is leaked to the press, the bigmouth will be tracked down and punished. Scandals aren't public scandals if you get there before you enemies do.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“As the car goes its way, some people seek escape from the necks by staring at the progress-meter above the door—the light that hops from one number to the next. A glance is all that is necessary, but some riders follow the progress, floor by floor, trying to guess where it will stop next. A few—probably habitual readers—spend the time reading the city inspection permit above the control panel.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“It is sad, in a way, that the exploding auto is going the way of the old red streetcar, the horse-drawn milk wagon, the ice truck and other traditional and practical forms of transportation. A shotgun blast from a clump of bushes is nice in its own way, but for drama there is nothing like instant depreciation of a car with a gangster at the wheel.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“the ingredients for the best political donnybrook”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“But the garbageman doesn’t complain. He just moves steadily down the alley of life, hauling away your leftover cheese-dip. And the only time they hear themselves mentioned is when someone comes along and says: “We earn less than garbagemen.” Yet garbagemen don’t do that to other people. I’ve never heard a garbageman say: “We work hard but we get paid less than aldermen and other loafers.” I have never heard a garbageman point out that the only time an alderman lifts something heavy and disposable is when he gets up and goes home.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Contrary to popular belief, Chicago has never been a town for practitioners of the concrete block school of pallbearing. “I’d say that this is a sewer town rather than a concrete apron town,” said one sheriff’s man. “New York is more of a concrete apron town. I don’t know why. I guess tastes just vary.” “I’d go along with that,” says a Chicago detective. “But you might add that this is also a quarry town and an auto trunk town. “The concrete block doesn’t go over around here, probably because there are so many skin divers that use the lake and it’s a problem getting a stiff out to your boat when you have to pass through the yacht club. “A quarry, now, is much safer. Some of the old ones are three hundred or four hundred feet deep in spots. All you have to do is drive the car over the edge and forget about it.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Fats Boylermaker, 22, who once leaned against a corner light pole from 2 A.M. Sunday until noon Sunday, when the tavern opened again.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“The funeral home might be McInerney’s, which has matchbooks that bear a poem beginning, “Bring out the lace curtains and call McInerney, I’m nearing the end of life’s pleasant journey.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago

“One of the worst parts of urban life, as the sociologists call it, is riding in automatic elevators. The ride is all right. It is smooth and safe and free. But the silence gets a person. There is something strange about being sealed in a small room with a lot of other people without a word being spoken. The most anyone says to a stranger on an automatic elevator is: “Punch three, would you?” The rider who is asked to punch the button for somebody else’s stop because he happens to be standing near the control panel always looks put upon. This appears to be another development of urban life: Let every man punch his own button.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Challenge in hand, and all stuck together, State Fire Marshal William Cowhey observed: “There’s enough brains and good will in this room to overcome this problem that has hit Chicagoland.” (Results have indicated that it wasn’t a very big room.)”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“It is a foreign economy car, and while I won’t mention its brand name, I will say that it is made by a people renowned for their craftsmanship, philosophers, musicians and bratwurst.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“The war against the crime syndicate in Chicago never ends. Those who attended the wedding of Tony Accardo’s kid were inspired after they saw how the battle is being waged. Long before the wedding began, dozens of law enforcement agents poured into the area around St. Vincent Ferrer Church on North Avenue, a few blocks west of Harlem. Veteran crime syndicate observers were quick to spot the FBI, the Secret Service, the Chicago Police Undercover Unit, the Crime Commission, and the Quickie Credit-Check Service. This phase of the never-ending battle against the gang-lords is fought, not with guns, but with notebooks and cameras. Nobody knows if this is effective against the mob, but at least no cops got shot in the foot.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“This would provide a fitting message, answer and explanation for the busybodies of America who currently are wallowing in indignation, their favorite puddle.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Recently the club achieved its major social coup—the reason this story is now being told. “I know a guy,” said a member at a meeting, “who got a promotion in his job and he is going into Who’s Who in America.” “So?” someone asked. “So, he doesn’t belong to any clubs. He wants to list a club. Let’s vote him in.” The man was accepted and bought a round. Somewhere in the new issue of Who’s Who in America is this man’s name. And after the name is this information: “Clubs: LaSalle Street Rod & Gun.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“The auto trunk technique is used only when eventual discovery of the body doesn’t matter. And it has only become popular since the size of trunks has increased. “It used to be,” said a former Deputy Coroner, “that the bodies would be found a lot sooner because they’d be left in the front or back seat of the car. That’s when the trunks were small and you couldn’t very well strap a stiff up on the luggage rack. Even in Chicago that would attract attention.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“He runs City Hall like a small family business and keeps everybody on a short rein. They do only that which they know is safe and that which he tells them to do. So many things that should logically be solved several rungs below finally come to him.”
― Mike Royko, Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago