BikeSnobNYC > Quotes

“Drinking and cycling is like drinking and flirting—it’s pretty likely you’re going to wind up hitting something, and the results are probably going to be ugly.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Everything about riding a bicycle compels you towards beauty.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though cycling doesn’t come with the drawbacks of vampirism. Cyclists can ride day or night, we can consume all the garlic we want, and very few of us are afflicted with bloodlust or driven by a relentless urge to kill.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“There are many ways to define what it means to be a geek, but certainly one definition has to be, "Someone who does something normal people do, only while wearing special pants and talking about it constantly.”
― BikeSnobNYC

“...the concept of marketing is almost as old as humanity itself...suffice it to say here that it took almost no time for a wily serpent to sell Adam and Eve on a shiny apple from the Tree of Knowledge, at which point they became not only the first humans but also the first marketing demographic, and God expelled them from the Garden of Eden for being total consumerist dupes. (p. 40)”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“The ark was like a portable computer hard drive and Noah was a one-man Geek Squad, and he dumped God's most important files onto it before he zorched the virus-ridden computer that was the world.”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“Bikes are for riding; they're not car hats.”
― Eben Weiss, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Then, there he was, and the moment I first laid eyes on him he looked familiar. “Hey, you’re the guy from the sonogram!”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob Abroad: Strange Customs, Incredible Fiets, and the Quest for Cycling Paradise

“Even if you never, ever ride the bike it will still age. So you might as well ride it while it's pretty and enjoy the process of making it ugly.”
― Eben Weiss, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“But cycling is less a hobby than it is a discipline with the potential to transform you. It brings balance.”
― Eben Weiss, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“But surely the commute that defines the era was Noah's voyage aboard his eponymous ark, and to this day it remains the most epic commuting story ever told. As most people know, God felt that Earth had essentially "jumped the shark" (or "raped the angel" as they used to say back then), so rather than try to fix it, He instead decided to simply wash everyone away in a great flood and start over from scratch--just as you might do to your computer's hard drive if it has a really bad virus. So God spoke to Noah and commanded him to build an ark, aboard which he'd carry two of every animal in the world....Thus was born humankind's lust for gigantic vehicles, for God's instructions to Noah were basically the world's first car commercial, and the sales pitch was this: Large vehicles are your salvation.”
― BikeSnobNYC

“And yeah, this is definitely not Portland, since even though I’m in a city, and even though it’s very damp out, I don’t see any mountains in the distance or anybody riding a tall bike while juggling.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob Abroad: Strange Customs, Incredible Fiets, and the Quest for Cycling Paradise

“hard work makes you stronger and learning your limitations allows you to overcome them.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Cyclists aren’t just hobbyists or lifestyle athletes; in many ways we’re actually a different type of being. We’re people with wheels. Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“we all want the same thing: To be happy, and to not get killed.”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“There’s hardly anybody who hasn’t owned or at least ridden a bicycle at some point in his or her life. I mean, sure, you do come across people occasionally who never learned how to ride a bike, but it’s rare and a little unsettling. It’s like meeting Someone who can’t operate a washing machine, or a thirty-two-year-old guy who never learned how to pee standing up. You smile politely, you pity them silently, and then you move on down to the other end of the bar. Despite”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Yes, everybody’s angry when it comes to commuting, and in a society in which racism is no longer acceptable, prejudice based on transport has rushed in to fill the void.”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“I’ve spent pretty much my entire life inside the same twenty-mile radius. This means my home range is roughly equivalent to that of a coyote.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob Abroad: Strange Customs, Incredible Fiets, and the Quest for Cycling Paradise

“...some of the more smug cyclists live in eternal hope that humanity will somehow realize the error of its ways and reject the automobile altogether .... This is not going to happen....never in the history of the world has humanity forfeited an invention that makes our lives profoundly easier, as the car does. Nobody ever said, "This newsprint is making my fingers filthy. I'm going back to smoke signals." TV was supposed to rot your brain and ruin your eyes, but instead of going away it only got bigger and flatter, and we now have like four hundred channels instead of three. And airplanes are still the world's preferred mode of very-long-distance travel, even though terrorists still try to fly them into buildings and we now have to be dismantled into our component atoms, sifted through, and reassembled in order to board them. So if we have yet to jettison these abominations, why would people give up their cars either?”
― BikeSnobNYC

“Commuting is one of the only arenas of life in which we’re willing to accept sudden death at the hands of another human being.”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“After leaving Egypt, Moses and his people endured a forty-year commute, starting with a truly epic crossing of the Red Sea (which made getting through the Lincoln Tunnel at rush hour seem like traipsing across a country bridge in a sundress on a spring afternoon).”
― BikeSnobNYC

“Telling cyclists to get out of the road is like telling women to get out of the voting booth and go back into the kitchen, or telling Japanese-American people to “Go back to China!”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob

“this whole business of getting from one place to another is primal, and our vehicle choice seems to matter more than our humanity.”
― BikeSnobNYC, The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence

“A typical city dog is neutered and doesn’t have much interest in reproducing. However, that’s not true of its owner, who will use the dog as an integral part of the pickup process. (Humans are the only animals that use other animals to facilitate mating. Have you ever seen a monkey use a squirrel to pick up another monkey?)”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Really, in a lot of ways being a cyclist is like being a vampire. First of all, both cyclists and vampires are cultural outcasts with cult followings who clumsily walk the line between cool and dorky. Secondly, both cyclists and vampires resemble normal humans, but they also lead secret double lives, have supernatural powers, and aren’t governed by the same rules as the rest of humanity—though cycling doesn’t come with the drawbacks of vampirism.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Any cyclist will tell you that one of the things they value most about cycling is what it does for their heads. It cleans out the clutter. Cycling allows for reflection. It simultaneously offers time to mull over problems and to escape those problems. It’s both meditative and contemplative. Whether you’re weaving through traffic or climbing a long country road, the effect is the same. Your body’s working, and your mind is working. And when those two things start working in concert, other aspects of life can start falling into place too.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“In light of this, I say that the definition of a cyclist needs a qualifier, and that it should be: (1) a person who rides a bicycle even when he or she doesn’t have to; (2) a person who values the act of riding a bicycle over the tools one needs in order to do it.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“For them, it’s not about the riding; it’s about the bike, and the riding part is simply their way of fondling their possession. They keep their bicycles clean all the time, they fear scratches like they’re herpes, and they don’t ever ride in the rain (or as they call it, “water herpes”) so their bikes won’t get dirty or rusty. They’re like the people who collect toys but don’t remove them from the package so as not to diminish their value, or who swish wine around in their mouths without swallowing it, or who never get around to having actual sex because they’re too into sniffing high-heeled shoes while dressed as Darth Vader. These are not cyclists, they’re bicycle fetishists. In”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling

“Two thousand years ago Archimedes famously said, “Give me a large enough lever and a place to stand and I will move the world!” Well, nobody ever gave him that lever, and that’s why the world is still in pretty much the same place now as it was then: between Venus and Mars, orbiting the sun, and crawling with idiots.”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob

“The Amish can resist Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, pornography, ice-cold margaritas on tropical beaches, designer drugs, fast cars (actually, all cars), thong underwear, American Idol, Amazon.com, and sneakers. But they can’t resist the bicycle. This is because the bicycle is a Truly Great Invention. A”
― BikeSnobNYC, Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling