Steph Nelson > Quotes

“It’s what I’ve been doing the whole time I’ve been back. Trying to feel things out. I can’t use my mind to remember, so I’m trying to lean on other methods. Our bodies process information too.” This makes me think about my crazy Chloe dreams and how it felt like I was somehow building a relationship with her in the dream world. I think she may be on to something.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“it’s also kind of second nature to keep pets—and people—at a distance. It’s weird how once you wall yourself off, it gets easier and easier to do it. I’m at the point now that I’m not sure I’d know how to take the wall down even if I wanted to. Getting close to people feels uncomfortable like a too-tight waistband.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“It’s a classic case of someone who gives their best to everyone around them, but won’t offer the people close to them even a fraction of attention.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“At this point, being vulnerable with someone is like a foreign language I’d have to learn from scratch. Is there Duolingo for becoming fluent in intimacy?”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“It’s okay to express your feelings,” Chloe had said. “Just let it all out.” But I don’t want to let it out. It feels like if I give that sadness any space, it’ll take over and I’ll never be able to tame it again.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“Whoever said time heals all was full of shit.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“The pain, regret, and terror bubble underneath the surface of her heart. They lurk there, raging, as if biding time until they can explode out of her skin.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“It was as simple as a tug on her ponytail, a huge, warm hand covering her mouth, and then a pinch at the shoulder. The last thing she thought was, This is it. This is how I die. That was ten years ago.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“I wonder how many times one person can live a lie.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“I know that but it’s annoying that he doesn’t seem to see the significance either. Or maybe he doesn’t care. Sometimes it feels like the things that are important to me aren’t that important to him.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“It’s okay. Shhh,” I say, rubbing her back again. It feels mechanical, like I’m faking it, but I’m not. I just suck at this. I’m never in situations where I have to comfort someone. I avoid them.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“I fucking hate the world for the way it treats anyone who isn’t a man.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“get a few steps away from the car and a shiver runs through me. It’s not only the cold, it’s something about this place—a presence, or I don’t know—some type of leftover residue. I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe that the stuff we’re made of, our soul, or whatever, has to go somewhere when we die. It’s energy that must get put back into the world in some form. I’ve never thought about whether that energy can get stuck in one place, but that’s exactly what this feels like.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“I’m telling you it’s better to go all in and try. Even if it means you might fail. I’d rather go out like that than live a nothing existence.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“If love was give and take, as they say, then marriage was a process of defining those terms. What was give and what was take? . . . Who got to define the parameters of give and take?”
― Steph Nelson, Sawtooth

“It’s weird how once you wall yourself off, it gets easier and easier to do it. I’m at the point now that I’m not sure I’d know how to take the wall down even if I wanted to. Getting close to people feels”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“Probably because she’s already cried them all, and now she saves every single one for the dark of night. For when she’s alone, no cameras watching.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“When your life is full of trauma, you have to find ways to come to the surface for air. You can’t live in those deep dark waters of fear, sadness, and shame every moment of every day or you’ll drown. I had to make a life and move forward with as much normalcy as I could muster. You know, search for pockets of happiness for my own sanity.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out

“It’s not hope. Brooke knows exactly what hope feels like, and that part of her is dead. There is no hope.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“Favorite stories are full of friends to visit when you have nobody else.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“Give me what I want, or I’ll make you come so hard and fast you’ll wonder if you’ve ever gotten off before,” she whispers, pulling away.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“a threat you can’t see is much worse than one you can keep eyes on.”
― Steph Nelson, The Final Scene

“Even though I’ve done this for over a decade, memories of Chloe always feel amped during this particular week, and I face minor depression, irritability, and fresh sadness. Sometimes I cry even if I haven’t shed a tear over Chloe since the last anniversary. Without fail, my body remembers the deep grief of those early days. It’s been twenty-five years, and you’d think I would be able to move on. At least that I wouldn’t be so shattered. But this time of year, all bets are off.”
― Steph Nelson, Last One Out