Wesley Hill > Quotes

“I once faced a temptation that was so persistent and so overwhelming that I literally believed my whole world would go dark if I refused to give in to it," he said. "All I could do was scream to the Holy Spirit to keep me from it.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“God never meant us to be purely spiritual creatures. That is why He uses material things like conversations, shared meals and trips, hugs, small kindnesses, and gifts between friends to enrich the new life He’s given us. We may think this rather crude and unspiritual. God does not: He invented human relationships. He likes friendship. He invented it.”
― Wesley Hill

“One of the most striking things about the New Testament teaching on homosexuality is that, right on the heels of the passages that condemn homosexual activity, there are, without exception, resounding affirmations of God's extravagant mercy and redemption. God condemns homosexual behavior and amazingly, profligately, at great cost to himself, lavishes his love on homosexual persons.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Being platonically dumped wouldn’t be so bad if people would acknowledge you have the right to be platonically heartbroken. But it’s just not part of our vocabulary. However much our society might pay lip service to friendship, the fact remains that the only love it considers important—important enough to merit a huge public celebration—is romantic love.”
― Wesley Hill, Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian

“Washed and waiting. That is my life – my identity as one who is forgiven and spiritually cleansed and my struggle as one who perseveres with a frustrating thorn in the flesh, looking forward to what God has promised to do. That is what this book is all about.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“There is, however, one way of speaking that I've tried to avoid. Rather than refer to someone as "a homosexual," I've taken care always to make "gay" or "homosexual" the adjective, and never the noun, in a longer phrase, such as "gay Christian" or "homosexual person." In this way, I hope to send a subtle linguistic signal that being gay isn't the most important thing about my or any other gay person's identity. I am a Christian before I am anything else. My homosexuality is a part of my makeup, a facet of my personality. One day, I believe, whether in this life or in the resurrection, it will fade away. But my identity as a Christian - someone incorporated into Christ's body by his Spirit - will remain.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“I know that whatever the complex origins of my own homosexuality are, there have been conscious choices I've made to indulge - and therefore to intensify, probably - my homoerotic inclinations. As I look back over the course of my life, I regret the nights I have given in to temptations to lust that pulsed like hot, itching sores in my mind. And so I cling to this image - washed. I am washed, sanctified, justified through the work of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Whenever I look back on my baptism, I can remember that God has cleansed the stains of homosexual sin from the crevasses of my mind, heart, and body and included me in his family, the church, where I can find support, comfort, and provocation toward Christian maturity.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“When I cannot feel God’s love for me in my struggle, to have a friend grab my shoulder and say, “I love you, and I’m in this with you for the long haul” is, in some ways, an incarnation of God’s love that I would otherwise have trouble resting in.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Ignoring is not the path to redeeming.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“The dynamics of human sinfulness and divine mercy and grace are the same for all of us, regardless of the particular temptations or weaknesses we face.”
― Wesley Hill

“The whole story of creation, incarnation and our incorporation into the fellowship of Christ’s body tells us that God desires us.…We are created so that we may be caught up in [the self-giving love of the Trinity]; so that we may grow into the wholehearted love of God by learning that God loves us as God loves God. The life of the Christian community has…the task of teaching us this: so ordering our relations that human beings may see themselves as desired, as the occasion of joy.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“The New Testament views the church--rather than marriage--as the primary place where human love is best expressed and experienced.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“the myth of what we might term, simply, freedom—the myth that the less encumbered and entangled I am, or the less accountable and anchored I am to a particular relationship, the better able I am to find my truest self and secure real happiness. This myth is so ingrained in our imaginations, I suspect, that it may undergird and nurture all the other myths Myers mentions. And it’s not hard to see how it strikes at the root of friendship. If your deepest fulfillment is found in personal autonomy, then friendship—or at least the close kind I want to recommend in these pages—is more of a liability than an asset.”
― Wesley Hill, Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian

“Rainer Maria Rilke: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“I have come to realize my need to take the New Testament witness seriously that groaning and grief and feeling broken are legitimate ways for me to express my cross-bearing discipleship to Jesus. It's not as if groaning means I am somehow doing something wrong. Groaning is a sign of my fidelity.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Don't let your background or commitment to your own tradition make you fearful of joining in the adventure the Holy Spirit prepares for you.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“What, then, of the priest's iconic representation of Christ at the altar? If there is no specifically masculine or feminine charism or ontology, the significance of the priest's maleness fades away. What matters—as patristic Christology recognized centuries ago with its dictum, 'That which is not assumed [by the Son of God in the incarnation] is not healed'—is that Christ became human, assuming and thereby healing the nature common to men and women. Although biologically a man, Christ assumed human nature in such a way as to include both men and women in his salvific work. And that means, in turn, that to refuse to allow a woman to preside at the Eucharist may be to say much more than opponents of women's ordination realize—namely, 'that women are not adequate icons of Christ.' The result, notes [Sarah] Hinlicky Wilson near the end of her book, is nothing less than 'to leave both their humanity and their salvation in doubt.' If women can't reflect the human nature of Christ at the altar, how then can they trust Christ's human nature to save them at all?”
― Wesley Hill

“While the priest prayed over me, I thought, “Friendship” was probably a good word to choose, after all. Without people to love and be loved by, I don’t imagine faith is very sustainable.”
― Wesley Hill, Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian

“Nouwen sought counseling from a center that ministered to homosexual men and women, and he listened as gay friends proposed several options. He could remain a celibate priest and “come out” as a gay man, which would at least release the secret he bore in anguish. He could declare himself, leave the priesthood, and seek a gay companion. Or he could remain a priest publicly and develop private gay relationships. Nouwen carefully weighed each course and rejected it. Any public confession of his identity would hurt his ministry, he feared. The last two options seemed impossible for one who had taken a vow of celibacy and who looked to the Bible and to Rome for guidance on sexual morality. Instead, he decided to keep living with the wound. Again and again, he decided. 12”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Not only does God in Christ take people as they are: He takes them in order to transform them into what He wants them to be,” writes historian Andrew Walls. 12 In light of this, is it any surprise that we gay Christians must experience such a transformation along with the rest of the community of faith?”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, expresses it this way: “To desire my joy is to desire the joy of the one I desire: my search for enjoyment through the…presence of another is a longing to be enjoyed…[Romantic] partners ‘admire’ in each other ‘the lineaments of gratified desire’. We are pleased because we are pleasing.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“I think we need a more robust understanding of how necessary human community is,” the professor mused in response. “It’s no use trying to be more spiritual than God, you know! God is the one who created humans to want and need relationships, to crave human companionship, to want to be desired by other humans. God doesn’t want anyone to try to redirect their desire for community to himself. God is spirit. Instead, I think God wants people to experience his love through their experience of human community—specifically, the church. God created us physical-spiritual beings with deep longings for intimacy with other physical-spiritual beings. We’re not meant to replace these longings with anything. We’re meant to sanctify them.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“In a flash, at a trumpet crash, I am all at once what Christ is, since he was what I am, and This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, patch, matchwood, immortal diamond, Is immortal diamond.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“The Christian story proclaims that all the demands of Scripture are ultimately summons, calls, invitations—beckoning us to experience true, beautiful, and good humanness.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“The greatest joys and experiences God has for us are not found in marriage, for if they were, surely God would not do away with marriage in heaven. But since he has already told us he is doing away with it, we, too, can realize that the greatest things God has to give us are not to be found in marriage at all.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“What I wish,” I finally said to Denny, “is that I could feel the church to be a safe place. I’ve come to you because I know you and I trust you,” I went on, “but even more than that, I’ve come to you because you’re my pastor, and I want to see this whole church thing be what it’s supposed to be. If you’re willing and if you have the time, I’d love for you to pastor me.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Jayber mused, “Sometimes I knew in all my mind and heart why I had done what I had done, and I welcomed the sacrifice. But there were times too when I lived in a desert and felt no joy and saw no hope and could not remember my old feelings. Then I lived by faith alone, faith without hope.” 21 This was the price of faithfulness for Jayber Crow. He willingly accepted the pain of living without Mattie for the sake of a higher commitment. He chose not to tell Mattie of his love, not to sleep with her, in the slim confidence that such fidelity would one day make sense and be repaid somehow. The connections of Jayber’s struggle to mine as a sexually abstinent gay Christian are not hard to see. Stories of imperfect faithfulness and perseverance like this one inspire me and give me hope. I am not alone as a gay Christian. I am not the only one who has chosen voluntarily to say no to impulses I believe are out of step with God’s desires. “If anyone would come after me,” Jesus said, “let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9: 23).”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Tara put her finger on a resistance to God’s love I didn’t know I was harboring. (I have since learned that many gay Christians wrestle with feelings of isolation, shame, and guilt that lead them to question God’s love for them or simply feel cold and calloused to it.)”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“Gradually, Hopkins came to see that his battles with despair and darkness were somehow included in God’s loving purposes.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

“I remember listening to James Dobson’s Focus on the Family radio broadcast occasionally with my mother as we rode somewhere in the car together. My ears would perk up when the subject of homosexuality came up, which it did often, since this was the mid-1990s, and the “gay rights” movement was gaining steam. Dobson talked a lot about the “causes” of homosexuality—childhood sexual abuse, an emotionally distant father, the absence of affectionate male role models. I remember scrutinizing my past and present experiences. Did I fit these categories? I had never been sexually abused by anyone, let alone my parents. Was I close enough to my dad? I could think of one time I tried to initiate a weekly time for just the two of us to be together, but it flopped. Plus, I never learned to play golf with him, nor did I want to take up deer hunting, as he seemed to hope I would. Did that mean I was suffering from a lack of paternal intimacy? I racked my brain for answers, testing every possible explanatory avenue to understand how I came to have the homoerotic feelings that blazed like a fire in my head every day.”
― Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality