Adam Kahane > Quotes

“If we want to change the systems we are part of - our countries, communities, organizations, and families - we must also see and change ourselves”
― Adam Kahane, Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities

“The problem with enemyfying is not that we never have enemies: we often face people and situations that present us with difficulties and dangers. Moreover, any effort we make to effect change in the world will create discomfort, resistance, and opposition. The real problem with enemyfying is that it distracts and unbalances us. We cannot avoid others whom we find challenging, so we need to focus simply on deciding, given these challenges, what we ourselves will do next.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“For every great idea, the opposite idea is also true.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
― Adam Kahane, Transformative Scenario Planning: Working Together to Change the Future

“Blaming others is a common and lazy way to avoid doing our own work.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“The common paths are to seek understanding through better listening,”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“people identifying others not just as opponents to be defeated but as enemies to be destroyed.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“Demagogues thrive by cultivating insecurity and demonizing certain groups.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“A belief that “I am right and you are wrong” can easily slip into “I deserve to be superior and you to be inferior.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“3 Our enemyfying, which feels exciting and satisfying, even righteous and heroic, usually obscures rather than clarifies the reality of the challenges we face. It amplifies conflicts; it narrows the space for problem solving and creativity; and it distracts us, with unrealizable dreams of decisive victory, from the real work we need to do.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

“Human nature is such that we remember negatives better than positives.”
― Adam Kahane, Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust